Page 45 of Don't Speak
I do as she asks and grab my things. I’ve still been paying for my apartment, which never flooded, so I’ll head back there for now. Before I go, I feed Simba, knowing it will be several hours before she gets home. Then, I take down all of the cameras, much to my dismay. For a moment, I contemplate leaving one or two, but I run the risk of her checking for them. If I leave them when she asked me to take them, she’ll look at it as another breach of trust, and I’m already in deep shit. My eyes flick to the dolphin figurine still on the coffee table. That footage can only be viewed from my phone, so she has no idea it’s a camera. I decide to leave that one, taking the rest. Sean and James are still out there, and it’s still not safe for her. I’m assuming she went to Amelia’s. From there, she’ll likely just head to work. I don’t plan on waiting any longer to tell her the truth, so I’ll solve this tonight.
I just have to get through tonight’s shift. Being next to her without being able to touch her might just kill me.
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
I left Amelia’s house feeling a bit better than I was last night. When I got there last night, I knocked on her door in a state of panic, my face puffy and swollen from crying, and my voice hoarse from screaming. Just like I thought, she was asleep and hadn’t read my message yet, so she was just as freaked out. I told her everything that happened. Our date, the sex,telling him I love him, getting home, his weird behavior before bed, and then everything about waking up and finding what I did on his computer. Her mouth was agape the whole time.
She encouraged me to call the cops, but I told her I wanted to wait. She was pissed,again. I don’t know why I consistently givepeople the benefit of the doubt, but there’s something nagging at the back of my mind. He seemed genuine in our interactions. Honest. Loving. Caring. I don’t feel scared. I guess that’s the only thing stopping me from calling the cops right now. I need answers. He owes me that much. Then, after I’ve heard what he has to say, I’ll make the decision to call the cops or not, attention be damned.
I pull up to the bar, dreading having to work this shift tonight. I have to work this shift with Dean tonight, and so many emotions are wreaking havoc on my nervous system. I’m angry. Angry that I trusted him. Angry that I ignored my gut and valid concerns from my best friend. Angry that I allowed myself tofeel. Angry for letting someone into my heart. I’m heartbroken. Heartbroken that, yet again, I’m not worthy enough to find true love. To find true happiness. Heartbroken for breaking down the walls I’ve worked so hard to construct over the years. They protected me. They kept me safe. And I broke them down over someone who was lying to me from the beginning. And I’m heartbroken over losing someone I thought I was safe with. I was so close to happiness, I could taste it. And for it to happen on the night I told him I love him?I feel so stupid. I’m smarter than that, and yet, I let him in so easily.Was any of it real?I fight back the tears beginning to form. I can’t go into work crying. I can’t let him see how much he hurt me.
On top of all of this, it’s the first shift back since Ben died, and now, after everything I’ve come to learn about Ben, his death just seems like suspicious timing. But would Dean kill him? Is Dean capable of killing someone? At least Cora will be there, so I don’t have to deal with this alone.
Dean’s truck is already in the parking lot. I sigh, turning off my car and getting out. I walk to the employee entrance on the side, trying to avoid flashbacks from the attack I endured in this very spot. Another strange disappearance that just doesn’t sitright. Shaking the thought away, I walk down the steps and into the door. My vision tunnels, and I set my sights on the bar. I just want to get in, get it done, and get out. Just as I approach the bar to walk around, Dean pops up from behind, picking up broken glass. Startled, I jump.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I accidentally dropped a glass, and it shattered,” he solemnly tells me, motioning to comfort me but jerking back, wincing, remembering our current situation.
I ignore him, moving to one of the registers and placing my purse underneath. I set about my business, making sure everything is in place for the first night back. We decided to forgo the lunch shift and open only for the night. The DJ is currently getting set up in the corner. I finish organizing the rest of the glasses while Dean sweeps the floor. I can’t help but look up every so often to watch him, and I’ve caught him doing the same. I feel stuck between wanting to punch him in the dick and ride it. Goddamn, why does he have to be so fucking charming? This hold he has on me is infuriating. Why do I still want him? I seethe, getting angry with myself for how I’m not feeling how I feel I should in this moment.
When Cora finally arrives, she helps us finish our tasks. I must say, I don’t think this place has ever looked so clean. Sensing the tension between us, Cora asks, “What is up with you two?” She points back and forth between Dean and me. “The tension is so thick in here, you can smoke it.”
I peek up at him from the other end of the bar, tossing the rag in the hamper. “I found out some things about him I’m not quite sure how to handle,” I whisper, looking into her eyes. She ponders for a moment before asking, “Do you like him?”
“Yes. More than I’d like to admit.”
“Do you feel like you’re in any danger?”
“No. I truly don’t.”
“Then talk to him. Hear him out.”
Our conversation is interrupted by the bouncer asking if we’re ready for the doors to open. We both give him the thumbs up before making our way behind the bar. I look over at her, and she gives me a smile and a nod.
If only it were that easy.
The night came and went in the blink of an eye. The liquor was flowing, and everyone was having a good time. Several people expressed their condolences about Ben, and others talked about how they missed this place being open. I avoided Dean like the plague. He attempted to talk to me a few times, but unless it was work-related, I stayed silent. I knew if I opened my mouth, I would have exploded, and I didn’t want to do that here. I’m just so angry and confused.
I called the sheriff’s office where my mother lives, and they confirmed her disappearance. When they confirmed it, I lost my shit on them for not calling me. They haven’t had any leads, either. Then, when I hung up, I broke down crying at the fact that I still care. This woman has ruined my entire soul, and yet, somehow, I still worry about what happens to her. My mind battled with my heart, alternating between rage and depression pretty much all day. After the shift, my body and mind are exhausted, so I know I need to make this impending conversation quick.
“If you need anything, call me,” Cora tells me as she grabs her purse from under the bar. “I’m serious.” She leans in and gives me a hug before waltzing toward the exit. She stops before she reaches it, turning to look at Dean and saying, “If you break herheart, I will gut you.” I see a small smirk grace his face before he stills his expression. Cora leaves without another word.
The rest of the staff have gone home for the night as well, leaving Dean and me alone. The silence doesn’t last long before Dean says, “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” He looks at me with something almost akin to pain in his eyes. I can tell he means it, but my emotions haven’t gotten the memo yet. My skin gets hot, and I clench my fists, noticing that anger seems to be the one to make the first appearance.
“You’re SORRY?! For which part exactly?” I scream, throwing my hands in the air. The second those words come out, I can’t seem to stop. “Keeping my mother’s disappearance from me, stalking me, keeping the fact that Ben was the one weirdly leaving photos on my doorstep, or how about the cameras you planted all around my house?” I put a finger up with each count, holding up the number four with my right hand. My body is thrumming with anger, and my throat constricts, knowing that tears are inevitably going to come.
“I just wanted to keep you safe, little lioness,” he breathes out, running a hand through his hair, fighting back his own emotions to allow space for mine first.
“No. Don’t ‘little lioness’ me right now, Dean. You’ve been lying to me. Was any of it real?” I choke out, feeling my heart constrict again at those words.I just wanted it to be real.
“Of course it was real—IS real. I was planning on telling you everything; it was just never the right moment.” His face looks pained, and it makes my heart constrict again.
“Well, I’d say right now is the right moment, Dean. Talk. Who are you?”
He sighs, contemplating his next words and running a hand through his hair again.
“And for the love of God, don’t lie to me again. I want the truth.” I say that last part with the utmost seriousness I can muster in my cracked voice.
He looks at me once more before he spills everything.
