Page 85 of Rules Of Engagement: St. Louis
“Like Gerald?” Journey shook her head. “From everything you’ve told me, Christian is nothing like Gerald. Gerald took from you constantly. Christian gives. Gerald made everything about him. Christian puts your needs first. Gerald manipulated and lied. Christian has been honest from day one.”
“But the rules keep me safe.”
“The rules keep you lonely.” Journey reached across the table and covered my hand with hers. “I understand why you needed them after Gerald. But honey, you can’t live the rest of your life in a fortress.”
“What if he hurts me?”
“What if he doesn’t? What if this is your chance at the love you’ve always deserved?”
I stared down at my plate, my appetite gone. “I’m terrified, Journey.”
“I know you are. But you know what terrifies me more?”
“What?”
“The thought of you being so afraid of getting hurt again that you push away the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
We ate in silence for a few minutes, even when my taste buds didn’t register the flavor of my food. Journey had given me a lot to think about, and she was wise enough to let me process without pushing.
“He bought a house in Tuscany,” I said randomly.
“You mentioned that.”
“He took me truffle hunting. I climbed a tree to escape a wild boar.”
Journey smiled. “You climbed a tree?”
“With Christian’s help. And when we got back to the villa, he cooked but we never made it to dinner... or, we became dinner to each other.”
“That sounds eventful,” she chuckled and held on to a smirk.
“It was. It was the most perfect weekend of my life.” I met her eyes. “And that scares the hell out of me.”
“Why?”
“Because I want more weekends like that. I want to go back to Italy with him. I want to learn to cook in that kitchen and fall asleep in his arms every night.” My voice broke slightly. “I want things I promised myself I’d never want again.”
“Oh, honey.” Journey’s expression was soft with understanding. “That’s not scary. That’s wonderful.”
“Is it?”
“Yes. It means you’re healing. It means you’re ready to love and be loved again.”
“But what if I’m not? What if I’m still too broken from Gerald?”
“You’re not broken, Naomi. You were hurt, and you protected yourself while you healed. But you’re no longer that woman. You’re stronger now, wiser. You know what real love looks like because you’ve experienced it with Christian.”
“This wasn’t supposed to be love, damn it!”
Journey’s eyes widened and she covered my hand with hers. “Take deep breaths. It’s okay to be shocked by what you’ve experienced but to me, it’s serendipity.”
I was lost in my thoughts when I murmured. “He wants more, too.”
“Of course he does. He’s been waiting for you to be ready.”
“What if I’m never ready?”
“Then you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been. And that, my friend, is the real tragedy.”
