Page 101 of The Billionaire's Bride
"Don’t hide from me, Ava." His voice softens even further. And somehow, that makes it all so much worse. I wish he’d rage at me. That he’d throw a tantrum; that he’d demand that I give him my full attention, that I dance for him, strip for him, that I drop to my knees in front of him… But he does none of that. He wipes the tear that trails down my cheek, before urging me to glance up at him.
I raise my gaze reluctantly, gazing into those glowing golden eyes. Eyes that have seen so much. That see me now, for what I am. A woman in love with his best friend. The man I’ve missed since he walked away from me.
"It’s okay," he says, "I understand."
"No, you don’t…" I burst out. "How can you, when even I don’t get what’s wrong with me?" I pull away from him and begin to pace. "You are my first love, Edward. You swept into my life, you turned it upside down. It was so full-on, so everything, so much that I wanted and then—"
"I left."
I pivot to face him, take in the set lines of his features.
"I hurt you, Ava. I broke your heart. I was selfish… I’d like to think I wasn’t but... Maybe it was all too much for me. Maybe I had been waiting for a sign, for something or someone to push me to take that step, to force me to face my demons… Maybe all of that came to the fore when I met you. I wanted you, Eve… I still do… But I lost you then. I came back and expected to take up from where I had left off."
"And that’s what I wanted too," I blurt out. "You’re everything I want, Ed."
"But I am not everything you need."
I frown, "What…what do you mean?"
"Look at you, Ava. You’re not fully here. You haven’t been since the fire. Since Baron left. You go through the motions of the day, but you barely pay attention to the food that you are eating. At night, you flinch when I wrap my arms around you. You wake up on the opposite side of the bed from me—" So, he had noticed?
"You’ve been going to the studio earlier and earlier, preferring to stay later."
Argh, have I been doing that? Have I become that much of a cliche?
"And even now, when you were dancing, you weren’t really there, were you?"
I jerk my chin around and meet his gaze.
"You were miles away; you hadn’t realized when I walked into the studio… You didn’t even sense when I was in your personal space, Ava."
"Oh, Ed," my lip trembles and my eyes well, "this is such bullshit."
"It’s love." His lips curve in a sad smile. "We don’t choose who we fall in love with, when we fall, or how we fall… Indeed, sometimes we don’t realize it until it’s all but lost to us."
"Ed, no," I shake my head, "please don’t do this."
"It’s done." His throat moves as he swallows. "You are too good a person. You’d stay with me, just out of a sense of duty…of purpose, even, but you and I both know, your heart is elsewhere."
"Oh, Ed." A ball of emotion clogs my throat. "This…this isn’t how I wanted it to be."
"It is, what it is, Ava." He raises his hand as if to touch my cheek, then lowers it to his side. "Know this. I want you to be happy, Ava. I wanted to make you happy. When you chose me, I had been thrilled and excited and flattered and... I'd wanted you. I'd wanted to make a life with you. I'd looked forward to spending the rest of my days with you. I'd wanted it all and returned here with you... Only, something had shifted."
I stare at him through tear-drenched eyes.
"Whenever I’ve tried to kiss you over the last few days, you’ve flinched."
"I... I have?"
He nods, "Even now, when I try to touch you—" He reaches for me and I lean away from him.
"See?"
I swallow, "It's...it's not intentional."
"Exactly." His lips twist. "Your body recognizes what your heart has been trying to communicate to you for days."
"Which is..."
