Page 46 of Billionaire's Sins
He nods. "Whatever I felt in that time… And it felt like I had journeyed to the depths of time. I felt like I had been gone much longer, you know… And it wasn’t anything I saw or felt or heard… It was just a realization that I woke up with. A sense of peace, of contentment, even; something I’d never felt in the years since the incident, maybe even earlier. It was that complete rightness of it that led me to joining the seminary."
"So, you felt a divine calling and you made your choice?"
"You’re not listening," he snaps. "It was not a choice. It was an awareness. I woke up one day and it was simply there, and I never questioned it."
"Not even now?" I take a step toward him. "When this—realization between us too is just there. It’s not what you or I asked for. It’s simply a connection, a state of being, something I don’t even question—" He raises his hand, but I continue, "And neither do you. I know it; don’t deny it."
"It is there," He narrows his gaze on me. "I can’t deny it. But I also cannot embrace it."
"No, no, no." I shake my head. My heart begins to thud. A hole opens up in my stomach, grows bigger, begins to swallow me. This can’t be happening, it can’t. "No." I hear myself say the word aloud as if trying to deny what I sense is coming. What I know he’s going to do and which I hate with every fiber in my body, and yet, I am powerless to stop, damn him.
"Listen to me." He takes a step forward and I skitter back.
"Don’t say it, don’t," I beg him. "Don’t do it."
"I have to."
"Please, give us a chance."
"You don’t know what you are asking."
"Oh, believe me, I do." I dig my heels into the floor, lock my fingers together, "I know exactly what I am asking of you, and if you deny it, I know it’s going to make you hate yourself for life."
"Not more than I already do." His lips twist. "I am so sorry, Ava, but this is how it has to be."
"It doesn’t. You can change it. You have the power to do it."
"The only one with the power is Him." He jerks his chin upward. "I am but His servant, His to command."
"I am yours to command," I choke out the words. "Doesn’t that mean anything to you?"
He winces. "It does. It means far too much, and that’s the problem." He peers into my face, "Don’t you see that?"
"The only thing I see is a coward who can’t face the truth, who can’t see what’s right there in front of him, who refuses to acknowledge the reality of his situation."
"Which is?"
"That you don’t belong to Him anymore. You may deny it all you want, but you’re mine now Edward, and nothing can change that."
"Except me." He draws himself up to his full height. "I deny it, I deny you. I don’t want you. I choose Him over you."
"No." I shake my head.
"Yes." He says it with a tone of finality. "Yes."
"Don’t do it."
"It’s done." He folds his arms across his chest.
"This is it then?"
"It would seem that way."
My chin wobbles, my hands and legs shake, and a hot sensation stabs at my chest. My knees tremble and I fold my fingers at my sides. "So, this is goodbye?"
His features shutter and his lips firm. He watches me with that detached expression on his face that I hate so much. The one which indicates that I have already lost him. So why am I still standing here?
Turning, I head for the door.
