Page 43 of Billionaire's Sins
Mine.
And Him… What about the One to whom I’d dedicated my entire life? I lean back, putting distance between us. Her gaze sweeps down, before she raises her gaze back toward me. And I know she notices. And I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be acting in such a shitty manner, not after I’ve come this far. But old habits die hard.
Apparently, there’s a part of me, deep inside, that still holds onto the kernel of the man I’d thought I’d once been—unshakeable, focused, emptied of all personal emotions... So, I could receive His grace. His blessings. All that had mattered once was my devotion, my loyalty, my dedication to do what was right.
And what isright?
Her?
Me?
This unshakeable connection that I feel to her…the likes of which I’d only felt once before…When I’d been called to Him.
When I’d looked at Him and felt the kind of deep, intense rapport that had warned that it wouldn’t get easier. That I’d do anything for Him; that I’d turn my world upside down, tear down any barriers that could come between us; that I’d open up my heart and soul to Him. And I had. And look where that had gotten me.
"I want you." I glare at her flushed features. "I need you, but you have to understand that this isn’t easy for me."
"I understand, Edward." She folds her fingers together. "I can’t even imagine how difficult this must be for you. When was the last time you slept with anyone?"
"Before I was ordained."
"Which was what—?"
"Five," he mutters, "five years ago."
"And you’ve never slept with anyone since?" She gulps.
"Not even in my dreams. Not until you came along."
"You’ve slept with me in your dreams?"
"I have stopped myself from doing everything I know I can…and sleeping isn’t one of those things." I allow my lips to curl.
"Right." She shivers, folds her arms even tighter around her knees and I am sure if I touched her between her legs, I’d find her wet and aching and empty and hot and waiting for me. Fuck me. I haven’t even touched her properly yet, and the length in my pants insists it’s time. That I shouldn’t wait any longer. And that’s a laugh. All these years, I’ve never been interested, not once, in anything except my need to please Him, the One Above… And now that I’ve taken the first step out from under His aegis…it seems my past is coming back to embrace me with a vengeance.
I rise to my feet, glance down to where she has her fingers wrapped around each other. The skin across her knuckles stretches white, and for a second, I want to close the distance between us, to hold her close to me and tell her I won’t hurt her. Except, I’d be lying if I said that.
"Are you nervous?"
She nods.
"Good," I square my shoulders, "you should be."
"You’re scaring me, Ed."
"That was my intention."
"It is?"
I allow my lips to twist.
"How much have you learned about what happened to us Seven when we were taken?"
"The incident?" she asks, her voice cautious.
"The incident." I say the word without changing my tone. Good. At least, the years of trying to control my feelings have turned out to be of some use.
I rise to my feet and begin to pace. "You are aware that the seven of us were kidnapped and held for close to a month before the cops found us?"
