Page 39 of Billionaire's Sins
I stiffen, then choose my words carefully. "Because...before I met you, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I loved dancing, but that was it. Anything outside of that? I was no good at it. I didn’t know how to live…didn’t know what I wanted to wear, what to eat, what to drink, when not to say the wrong thing. I was adrift, unmoored, like I’d been waiting for a signal in the dark, a beacon to guide me, a force to propel me. Something that would take me by my hand and point me in the right direction. Or maybe someone." I tilt my head. “Someone who’d tell me when to get up, what to wear, when to eat, when to sit, when to vote, when to dance, when to relax. Someone who’d take the choices out of my hand and direct me on how to survive. I want someone to believe in me… I want someone like you to guide me, to steer me, to be my conscience, to hear what my soul wants and interpret it for me. Because that’s what you do, Father, right? You’re the one who advises and directs people. You lead, they follow. That…that’s what I want."
There’s silence then, "What?" he asks in a low voice. "What is it that you’re asking for?"
"Forgiveness for what I am about to ask for, Father."
"What’s that?"
"For you to tell me what to do."
"And you’d obey."
"Always, and only for you, Father." I swallow, clench my thighs together. What the hell am I doing? What am I doing?Don’t say it, don’t."I want you to direct me, to command me, to take control of my life and of me, my choices. I want you to tell me what to do, Father."
Silence extends for a beat, another. He’s quiet for so long that I lean forward. I peer through the lattice, but I can’t make out his expression. Shit.
I stand up, then press my palm into the screen that separates us.
What the hell is he thinking about? Did I upset him? Have I gone too far? This was a terrible idea. It really was. Why don’t you ever know when to shut up, Ava? I turn to head out of the booth, "Edward I—"
"Kneel." His tersely spoken word whispers through the space. I blink.
"Excuse me… What…what did you say?"
"I said, on your knees."
I hesitate. What the hell is he talking about? He surely doesn’t mean that, does he?"
"Now," he snaps and I slide onto the floor, on my knees.
16
Edward
What the hell am I doing? Why had I agreed to listen to her confession? I should have left right then, though that might have been difficult, considering we were in my house. And no way, would I have asked her to leave, not after that almost accident. Thank God, nothing had happened to her. Thank the Lord, she’s on the other side of the screen on her knees.On. Her. Knees.My belly hardens. The knot that had gathered there since the day I’d seen her coils even tighter.It’s not too late. You can still leave.And what? Turn to God again? With what courage?
The one thing He’d asked of me, my loyalty, and I have tarnished it already.
No longer is there space for only Him… Where once He had been my sole focus day and night, there is now another.
As long as I’ve followed Him, I’ve never faced a challenge like this one.
Oh, I’ve had ample opportunity to turn away, to find my way back to the fold. But at every turn, I’ve come up against her—my feelings of her, my feelings for her, my need…my lust… My love… It is all that, and more. She’d been wrong in saying that I am interested in her. What I feel for her goes far beyond that. It is this shining something inside of her that only I can see. From the moment I’d sensed it, I’d known. And I’ve been fighting against it. And now, it is too late.
I rise to my feet, walk around to the confessional and pull the curtain aside. I find her kneeling, head lowered. Such a faithful lamb. Such a trusting woman. She is the ultimate Eve. Seductress. Temptress. Innocent and appealing. Lusty and guileless. Naive and wise, at the same time.
I step fully inside the booth, allowing the curtain to close behind me, then gaze down at her bent head.
A growl rips from my throat and she shivers. I lower my hand to her face, pinch her chin, and apply enough pressure for her to peek up at me from between her eyelashes. Her lips part; she gazes into my eyes. Her own shine a bright emerald in the murky light. She swallows, holding my gaze. The scent of her seems to intensify further and heat jolts in my belly. My thighs spasm; my stomach hardens. I reach down, push a strand of her hair behind her ear. She shivers.
"Edward—"
I shake my head, and she subsides.
I drag my finger down her cheek, down the slim column of her neck to the shadowed cleft between her breasts. She shudders, moans deep in her throat. The band around my chest tightens.
Is this it then? Do you want me to leave the only thing I have ever loved in my life? The safety, the seclusion, the meaning of what life is… You taught me that, and now you are abandoning me?
"Ed." She reaches out, places a palm on the tent at my crotch and a groan rips out of me.
