Page 22 of Billionaire's Sins
I pivot, brush past the others crowded at the peak of the hill.
"Where are you going?" she calls out as she rushes to catch up with me.
"To the bar, to get a drink and see if I can’t find someone to shag tonight." I hurry down the slope, then turn to find her standing in place, her mouth hanging open. I wave my arm and beckon to her, "Aren’t you coming with me?"
9
Edward
I step into the chancel of the church via the priest’s door. The long sleeves of my cassock fit around my arms; my collar is snug around my neck, a reminder of the One to whom I belong. The One who’d saved me when I’d most needed Him. When I’d been doped out of my head on drugs, and a part of me had wondered what it would be like to end it all. When I’d floated in that strange out of body space, and turned toward the light in the distance; the realization had sunk in then. I wasn’t alone. All I had to do was surrender to the fate that had brought me that far. However much I'd abused my system with drugs, I couldn’t kill myself. Perhaps there was a reason to everything that had happened… Perhaps there was something more ahead, something I couldn’t see yet. A future that was not what I had imagined, but a future nevertheless. One in which I could be of service to others.
That’s when I'd surrendered to my His plan, and for the first time in my life, I’d prayed. I’d asked Him to show me the way, to tell me what to do next. How could I crawl out of the web of misery that bound my every move, that trapped me? And the answer had seeped into my soul. Live. Not for you, but for them. The people you can help, the world you can change, the children who need your love and your guidance, the souls you can help guide. Live for them.
And I had.
I sink down to my knees in front of the altar, press my palms together, bow my head.Blessed Lord above, forgive me for I have sinned. Forgive me for I forsook You when I was tempted. Forgive me for straying from the path. Forgive me for doubting myself, and hence, doubting You. Forgive me for the sins I have committed, and for those I am yet to commit. Forgive me, for I blinked and looked away. Forgive me, for I was distracted by her beauty. Her grace. For I allowed myself to be swayed by the thoughts of flesh, by the thoughts of how it would be to not be alone. For I am not, not really, not when You are with me for every breath I take. Forgive me for being disloyal to You. Forgive me for contemplating a life without You. For there is none. This is all there is. Me at Your service to do Your bidding, to follow Your directives. Bid me, Lord, for I am Your humble servant. I surrender to You and I will accept any punishment that You bestow.I swallow down the emotions that block my throat.Speak to me, Lord. Tell me You forgive me; tell me You have not deserted me for my actions. Tell me You pardon the sins I committed by thinking of someone else other than You. Please my Lord, talk to me. Are You still angry with me? Do You not forgive me? I—
"I forgive you."
The voice slides through the thoughts in my head. I jerk my head up, open my eyes, stare up at the marble figure high above. The stillness, the tranquility, the beauty of His pathos sink into my soul. My heart begins to race; my pulse pounds. I gaze up and into the face of the one who has held my thoughts for so many years now.
"Even though you don’t deserve it." The voice sounds from behind me. I pivot and watch as Sterling approaches.
I draw in a breath and his lips quirk. "You didn’t think it was the Man above speaking to you now, did you?"
I squeeze my eyes shut.Yes, I had.And for a few seconds there, I had been convinced that He had answered. Even though, deep inside, I’ve always known that I must love Him without expectation, simply knowing that He loves, despite everything.
I turn back to the altar, make the sign of the cross, then rise up to my feet. "Sinclair, what brings the Sinner himself into the house of Christ?"
"You, Father."
"Me?" I turn to him. "Now, that’s something I’d never thought I’d hear from you. Is there something I can help you with?"
"The question is, can you help me help you, Father?"
I tilt my head. "And I thought I was the preacher here."
"There’s a spark of the divine in all of us, Father."
I chuckle. "You’re a canny one. How did Summer manage to hold you down long enough to put a ring on your finger?" I jerk my chin to where the platinum band encircles his left ring finger.
He places the finger so his right hand is over his left, plays with the ring. "This? If you recall, I didn’t have one in time for our wedding, but Summer wanted me to wear it and if it makes her happy… Well," he raises his shoulders, "but I am not here to talk about me."
"Too bad," I widen my stance, "when I was sure you were finally here to repent for your sins."
He chuckles, "That would take more time than we have today."
"Oh?" I frown. "I wasn’t aware we were on a timetable."
"The only one that counts, Father." He gestures toward the door that leads out into the garden, "Shall we?"
I frown. "I’m not done here yet."
"You’ll have enough time to commune with God, once we’ve had our conversation."
"That sounds...ominous. Should I be worried?" I glower.
"I don’t know, Father. Should you?" He holds my gaze.
