Page 53 of This and Every Life
We end up staying in the kitchen for our evening supper, and I feel, for maybe the first time in my life, settled in a way I haven’t before. Arthur helps scrub the dishes. Bess shows me where the linens are laundered. And once the house has grown quiet, I draw myself a bath without any assistance whatsoever.
While lying in bed with Arthur, the oil lamps and candles extinguished, my mind turns over. Arthur seems to notice, although how in such dark quiet, I’m unsure.
“Charlie? Are you quite all right?”
“Yes,” I tell him, knowing it to be the absolute truth.
His hand drifts up my arm to my shoulder before he brushes my hair back, the motion soothing. “Yet your mind is spinning.”
“There is…so much, Arthur. So much I want to do.”
“Ah.” He understands, as always. “Where do you wish to start?”
The answer to that is easy. “The observatory.”
“And then?”
“I don’t quite know. That’s the problem.”
He chuckles softly. “You have time to figure it out.”
I do, don’t I? I have all the time in the world now that I’m with Arthur.
“Do you think I’ll ever have the body I want?” I ask, an ache in my voice I can’t quite disguise. “Without the bindings, I mean.”
Arthur makes a soft, thoughtful sound. “I cannot say, my love. I hope for it. If there is a way, I will find it. I can promise you that.”
I nod, my throat tight. Arthur’s fingers threading through my hair help to keep me rooted in the present. In all the good I’ve found, my husband included.
There’s a wistfulness in Arthur’s tone when he speaks. “Perhaps we should wish upon the stars. One is never too old to wish, don’t you think?”
Maybe not.
If I could wish for anything, it would be for Arthur’s love to follow me into whatever is waiting next. Heaven. Hell. I don’t much care, so long as we can be together.
But if I had a second wish… Then perhaps, yes. I would wish for the chance to be seen for exactly who I am.
Chapter 17
Arthur
The telescope arrives on a Friday afternoon. Willard helps me bring it into the observatory, the room no longer the barren, dusty space it was once. Over the past many months, we’ve brought it to life. Charlie and me, but also the staff.
Ruby, as it turns out, is an expert climber. The outside glass is sparkling thanks to her. Although poor Willard nearly had a heart attack the first time she scaled the roof.
Charlie shoos me away from the telescope as soon as it’s unboxed. I watch raptly as he adjusts the focus and positioning of the device, looking through it occasionally despite it being daylight still.
I suppose the stars are always there, even if we can’t see their light.
I leave Charlie to his machinations, checking in on him every so often. He doesn’t stop to eat the snack cakes I bring in, simply takes a bite and keeps moving.
He only stillsonce it turns dark.
The window at the south end of the room is open, Charlie positioned in front of it, the telescope giving him a clear, unobstructed view of the sky. The breeze blows in gently, but he doesn’t seem to notice nor mind.
Despite my own view being limited by the power of my sight, I lie on my back in the middle of the floor and take it all in. The star-littered sky above is beautiful. So much of it is visible from within this room, an endless swath of black filled with tiny bursts of light. I imagine how far away the stars must be, but it’s hard to grasp.
“Arthur.” It’s the first word Charlie has spoken in hours. I wasn’t even sure he realized I was here in the room with him.
