Page 87 of Crimson Promises
“What could you possibly explain, Bennett? Or is it Remy? I don’t even know what your real name is. Fuck.” I dragged my hand down my face. “What does it say about me that I almost slept with a guy when I don’t even know his real name.” I began backing away from him. Part of me wanted to stay and demand answers. So many pieces of this didn’t seem to add up. If I can see him now flush before me, why could no one else when I was a kid? Everyone was convinced Remy was imaginary, but here he was: flesh, bone, and infuriatingly well-muscled.
Ben reached for me, but I jerked my hand out of his grasp.
“No.” I backed up until my bag was against the door. I turned the knob with one hand. With his annoying angel reflexes, I needed time to escape, so I threw the Remy bracelet at him. When he moved to catch it, I opened the door and ran towards the elevator.
I didn’t dare look behind me as I rushed towards the exit. A door was sliding closed.
“Hold the door, please,” I called. Miraculously, a hand shot out.
I ran in and jabbed the button to close the door as furiously as possible. I looked at the older, refined woman and managed to get out a thank you in between my labored breaths.
The elevator chimed “Lobby” in a lovely, accented voice. I walked as briskly as I could, passing the industrial lobby and halting when I reached the sidewalk.
Couldn’t go back to my apartment; Remy knew I lived there.Good luck to him getting past Vic, though.
I decided to distance myself from that strange bond that always seemed to tug us together. Regretting my choice in attire of jeans over leggings, I hiked my bag up further on my back and broke into a light jog.
Memories merged and melded together as the separate identities of Remy and Bennet began to overlap. Remy had been my savior as a child, my closest confidant, someone who played tea party with me and let me cry on his shoulder. He had been my best friend. Now, all those memories I had held close to my chest were tinged with betrayal.
My mouth was dry and tasted of ash.
I stopped in front of the courtyard of Ol’ Eleanor. Before I lifted the gate, I ensured no one was around. The last thing I needed was anyone else to see me break down. I was barely holding it together, and having Riley around was not something I could entertain. I craved solitude, if only for a little while.
When I reached the oak tree, my knees buckled beneath me as I placed my face against the cool blades of grass. I pressed my palms into the earth, seeking something to ground me and tether me to this planet.
At the base of my sternum sat a ball that I couldn’t swallow past. I felt it right away when I found the bracelet, but it felt like it had grown in both size and weight since then. The tightness rose up my esophagus until it clawed at my throat.
I crawled on all fours away from the tree into a nearby bush and regurgitated the lunch I had earlier from Blue Moon. I stared at the chunks of noodles and chicken mixed with saliva and other unmentionables. What had been whole had now been broken down and beyond repair. It was a waste now, just like my relationship with Bennett.
With that lump from my chest gone, I made my way back and leaned my head against the tree. Why couldn’t men be more like this tree? Dependable, reliable, and willing to weather any storm.
I had been chasing the dangerous storm instead of soaking up the sun before me.
Riley would be a welcome distraction from today’s shitstorm. I pressed his name and waited for the phone to ring. I got his answering machine instead. I cleared my throat, “Hey Riley, sorry I didn’t reply to your earlier message. I was at work, covering a double shift. Going for coffee sounds great. Call me whenever you get a chance, and we can pick a date. Enjoy the rest of your day.”
Was I jumping from one guy to another? Maybe. But I wasn’t married to either, I justified to myself. I was single and allowed to talk, date, kiss, or do whatever I pleased with whoever I wanted. Anyone who had a problem with my decisions could suck it.
Days like today made me crave having a close girlfriend to unload all of this onto, to get an unfiltered, honest opinion. To laugh and cry about how chaotic things were—anything to quench this acute loneliness.
I aimlessly started pulling one piece of grass at a time from its roots. Something about executing a clean break was soothing.
A twig snapping tore my attention away from my menial task. I couldn’t see who it was from where I was seated. I preferred to have the courtyard to myself, but it wasn’t my personal property.
As long as they give me space and leave me alone.Pent-up rage I’ve been trying to soothe was looking for any opportunity to unleash its fury. The last thing I needed was to explode on some unsuspecting individual minding their own business.
I returned to my grass-pulling when the sound of footsteps grew louder. That frustrating bond flared to life.
No, no, no.Please don’t let that behim.
Standing about six feet from me was a familiar pair of Doc Martens. My eyes hungrily drank in the sight of his sculpted build in black jeans and a signature henley. He was wearing the twin to the jacket I had on.
I had debated throwing it in the garbage, but it smelled of pine and evergreen. As angry as I was at him, something about his jacket and its scent made me feel safe and at ease.
A shiver ran up my spine. I withdrew my arms from the sleeves and wrapped them around myself within the jacket’s confines. All the better for me to avoid touching him. A makeshift straight-jacket was what I needed—the desire to go to him despite everything wasthatstrong.
His jaw was clenched so hard it could cut stone, and he narrowed his green eyes on me.
I was the first to break the silence. “What are you doing here?” My voice cracked on the last word as emotion clogged my throat.Dammit.
