Page 222 of Crimson Promises
Go away, I wanted to shout.
As the thought forms in my mind, the pounding ceases.
I rolled over so my face was buried into my pillow. I wrap it over my ears and try to take steady breaths through my nose and out through my mouth within the tiny air pocket I’ve created.
Seven days.
Ben had been gone for seven days. That thought alone sent a fresh round of tears pouring from my eyes. I didn’t want to face a world without him in it.
Over the last few days, I replayed everything that happened since I was kidnapped—all of the lies, guilt, betrayal, and revelations. I was so angry and resentful that Ben would keep secrets from me after all that we had worked through. He had become someone I finally felt safe with.
I was so engrossed in my feelings, wrapped up in my insecurities, convinced that he was using me and didn’t genuinely care for me, that I never even got the chance to tell him that I forgave him. I was more interested in being mad and holding onto grudges than being happy. I had wanted him to feel the same sense of despair that I had.
I wished I could take back every mean thing I ever said to him. None of it mattered. Ben proved how much he loved me when he chose not to seek revenge against Azrael and when he agreed to sacrifice his soul to save mine.
Part of me was still so angry with him, though. If I was as powerful as everyone kept telling me, why wouldn’t he believe that I could fight Lucifer’s demands? I didn’t need him to ride in to save me; I could protect myself. The heat between my shoulder blades was confirmation of that.
I chose to say the prophecy, knowing the consequences.
How could I face them all knowing what I was now?
Ben was the only person who had ever cared to share who I was or what I was capable of. And now he was gone.
What was I supposed to do now?
I wrapped the pillow around my ears again. Shutting everything out felt like the best course of action.
Vic’s threats fractured the magic serenity of my chrysalis.
Ben wouldn’t want me to live my life wallowing. I needed to return to my life, even if I had no idea what that meant now.
Ben’s dead, my subconscious argued.He’s not allowed to want anything anymore.
I sat up so fast black spots sprouted in my vision as I held my palms to my forehead.
Alright, I have willingly become a recluse and am also going certifiably insane.
I focused on breathing until the world wouldn’t tilt to one side and opened my eyes.
My room had turned into a pigsty.
In the corner of my bed sat a pile of clothes that I had tried on for the date I never got to have. Bras and makeup brushes were scattered over my dresser, and a notebook I always kept beside my bed was turned to the last page. My fingers inched towards it.
“The night Bennett showed up here, he told me he was done hiding from what he felt for me. He was ready to ‘step into the light.’ My heart pretty much burst right there in my chest. There’s still so much I don’t know about being a dimidium, but I’m not worried because we’ll face it together like we encountered the demons from Hell. Because we’re a team.
I’ve never been in love before, but from the stories Dad will always tell me about him and Mom, it sounds like this.
And I don’t know how, with my future in the balance and all, or what will happen, but I know we will find a way to overcome it.
He’s taking me on an actual date tonight. I feel like I am floating on air and can’t shake this ridiculous grin off my face. It’s still there while I’m writing this. I officially feel like I’m five.
But it’s everything I ever wanted.
My fingers traced over the writing on the page. Everything had changed since I’d written this.
I swallowed past the permanent lump in my throat and blinked back the tears.
Vic was right about one thing: I needed to get up. As much as I wanted to remain in the safety of my bed, I needed to get up and pull myself together.
