Page 153 of Crimson Promises
Is this the life Jos would want for you?
I pushed my hands into the back pockets of my jeans.
The images of my mother’s broken and bruised body flashed in my mind, along with Jos’s final salute.
I wasn’t ready to give up on everything I had worked towards after all these years. But I could change the way I went about it. Didn’t have to be alone to do it.
There was always another way.
* * *
As I stood outside Aurora's condo, my heart pounded with trepidation. The truth was, I was torn. I wanted to be with her more than anything. Like an idiot, it took her acceptance of me walking away to realize what she meant to me. What she always meant. Yet the weight of my vow held me back like chains around my soul.
Summoning every ounce of courage, I raised my hand and knocked on the door. The seconds stretched into minutes or hours. All I knew was that it felt like an eternity as I waited, anxiety clawing at my chest. Finally, the door creaked open, revealing Aurora's delicate figure swallowed by ACU sweats, a sloppy ponytail slowly sinking down her head, and a balled-up napkin cloistered inside a fist. The hurt was plain to see in her eyes. Pain I had put there. She had never looked more beautiful.
"Bennett," she whispered, her voice filled with a mix of longing and sadness. "What are you doing here?"
"I couldn't stay away," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "I can't ignore the pull I feel towards you, Aurora. It's tearing me apart. Can we talk?”
“I think you already said all you needed to under the waterfall.”
“I want to be with you.”
“You’re the one who for so long said it wouldn’t work. And you’re right. I was fooling myself. Holding onto a sliver of hope that this would turn out differently was foolish. I’m a halfling who belongs to no one or nothing!” Her voice broke on the last word.
Is that really what she thought of herself? If only she could see herself through my eyes. Or the eyes of the entire male population of Arch Cape.
I ached to step closer to her and soothe her hurt, but I had been the one who caused it. I planted my palms on both sides of her doorway.
“Give me five minutes. I’ve been up all night. Regretting the second that those words came out of my mouth.”
Aurora blew out a breath of resignation. She stepped aside, allowing me to enter her sanctuary, and as I stepped inside, the scent of honey and lavender enveloped me, soothing my frayed nerves.
A lamp was turned on next to her sectional sofa, a fuzzy blanket thrown across the chaise, and a pile of Kleenex in the middle of the coffee table.
Aurora turned to face me, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "What do you want, Bennett? I'm sick of feeling like a yo-yo. You pull me close only moments later to push me away. I can't take it anymore. You hold onto your vengeance like an anchor. I know it’s somehow part of the deal for you to ensure my protection. On your quest for revenge.”
I looked at her my jaw slack.
“I’m not dumb. That wasn’t that hard to figure out.”
“Not for one second have I ever thought you were anything other than brilliant.”
I missed the feisty firecracker that was bold and pushed me past my comfort level. The woman in front of me was resigned and sad. Someone who didn’t see or value her own worth.
“I made a promise, Aurora," I replied, trembling. "A promise to my best friend and mother to avenge their lives and make those responsible pay. But every moment I spend with you, I'm torn between that vow and my desire for a life with you. Every step I take in one direction has taken me further away from the other. Each choice feels like a betrayal to the other.”
She took a step closer, her voice resolute. "What do you want, Bennett? Not what you think you should do, not what others expect of you. What do you truly want?"
We always seemed to end up back here on the precipice of revelations and danger.
I moved past the quartz island. My eyes flickered briefly to her bedroom until I sat on a barstool facing the bank of windows. My own reflection stared back at me. The pile of used tissues was more appealing.
I cleared my throat. “Once upon a time, I had been a being of morals, of values, with a clear division between right and wrong. I made decisions I could never take back that ended the lives of those I loved the most. Since then, I’ve been existing. Not living. Devoid of anything that made me happy, too scared that it would end the same way for the other person. Love for me has only ever ended in pain…until you. Aurora, nothing is guaranteed, yet you embody everything I ever wished for but never thought I would have. You accept me as I am mistakes, regrets, and all. Nothing about us will ever be conventional, and most of it might not even be possible, but I’m done hiding in the shadows. I’m ready to step into the light with you. “
Aurora ran her hand against the soft fabric of the sectional. She kept her eyes downcast. “I don’t know…” Her voice sounded small and hollow.
Those three small words felt like a blow to my chest. I balled my hands into fists. This was all my fault. As usual. We both had points where we were wary of the other over the last few weeks, but Aurora had seemed the surer of the two, determined to make her new start at ACU mean something.
