Page 230 of Crimson Promises
Vic gave me a warm smile as a farewell as I stepped back into the elevator, the doors sliding shut. But even as they closed, sealing me from the world outside, Vic’s words lingered, wrapping around me like a comforting blanket.
One day soon, I’d rejoin them for dinner. Just not yet.
* * *
For the next week, I ate and slept when I had to, went to class, worked, and kept up appearances. I smiled and laughed at the correct times. On the surface, I was a fully functioning college student. But beneath the facade, every smile felt forced, every laugh a lie. I was constantly surrounded by people—friends (Vic and Darlene), professors, co-workers—yet I felt utterly alone.
Every time I closed my eyes, images of Ben, Lucifer, and all that occurred in Hell would play behind my eyelids. Questions, so many questions, swirled in my mind.
Where was Ben?
Was he okay?
Why wouldn’t Lucifer tell me what happened?
Was Lucifer truly honoring the deal to let me go free? Or was he luring me into a false sense of security, waiting to play his hand until the time was right?
The moment the door to my apartment closed behind me, it felt like I could finally drop the mask—no one here to pretend for, no one to plaster on a smile for.
I hadn’t released my wings since I arrived back in Arch Cape. Once, the thought of having wings, of soaring through the skies and feeling the winds carry me towards the moon and stars, had been a dream, an exhilarating secret. Now, with Ben's absence, those wings that burned between my shoulders, demanding release, felt like shackles. They reminded me of what I had lost and what I had become.
Avoidance had become my ally. My powers were a stark reminder of the rift between the world I came from and the one I had been thrust into. A reminder of who I was now.
Here, there was no need to guard my expressions, hold back the tears, or stifle the screams. I was grateful for that solitude. The incessant “Are you okay?" from well-meaning people was beginning to wear thin.If one more person asked me that… I bit into my cheek.
Under the covers, long buried fears resurfaced with a vengeance. The haunting thought that everyone I loved and let in eventually left. Abandonment. Rejection. Loneliness.
Beneath the weight of the soft blankets, I let the tears flow, let the sobs wrack my body. There were no witnesses here, no judging eyes, no comforting hands. Just me and my heartbreak.
But in the heart of my despair, there was also a growing ember of determination. I wasn't going to be a pawn in this game. I needed answers. And I was going to find them, no matter the cost.
* * *
My alarm buzzed softly on the nightstand, but I was already awake, staring up at the ceiling, waiting to begin the only remedy I had found for the gaping void in my chest: movement.
I tossed aside the blankets, feeling the air nip at my exposed skin. In the last few days, my body temperature had fluctuated from freezing to boiling. I remember Ben saying angels ran hotter.Was this part of the changing process?Maybe it would take some time to adjust. Shivering, I reached for my running gear: leggings, a thermal top, a fleece jacket, and thick socks. Layer upon layer, I armored myself against the Oregon morning chill. Lacing my running shoes precisely, I grabbed my earbuds and headed out.Yet again, it was one more thing I wish Ben could be here to help me through.
The front door of my apartment creaked softly as I closed it behind me. My breath formed small clouds in the freezing air, each exhalation fading into the early morning void.
The streets of Arch Cape were empty. The only sounds were the distant crash of the waves and the soft footfalls of my sneakers against the pavement. Occasionally, a streetlamp cast a pool of orange light on the road.
Running gave me clarity. With each mile, anguish, uncertainty, and longing all faded into the background. My world was reduced to the sound of my heart, the rhythm of my feet, and the raw burn in my lungs.
This was the closest I came to flying these days.
Gradually, the sky lightened, turning from inky black to deep blue. The outline of the university buildings appeared, and the world slowly came into focus. I made my way through the heart of the campus, passing by the familiar stone and brick structures, still silent in the early morning.
As I left the stone and brick buildings behind, I moved closer to my destination. The late autumn air had a crisp bite, and the ground crunched beneath my feet, littered with fallen leaves that had surrendered to the season. Ol' Eleanor's courtyard came into view.
Nestled in a quaint courtyard, the pink castle-esque building stood majestically, its turrets a familiar sight from across the campus.
I slowed from a jog to a brisk walk, the cold air tingling my cheeks.
Approaching the wrought iron fence that enclosed the castle, I reached over to find the lock hidden amongst the frost-covered spears that decorated the top. Unlocking it, I let myself in. A few resilient wildflowers stood stark against the otherwise barren courtyard. To the right, my trusted oak tree loomed, its bare, gnarled branches stretching across the, their shadows stretching long and thin in the pale autumn sunlight.
It felt like an eon ago I was here when Riley asked me out for the first time. I had been so excited then that anyone had noticed me. For that person to be the school’s starring quarterback had been a shock. Deep in my gut, I knew it would be the start of everything. Little did I know whateverythingtruly meant.
My problems, my worries, seemed so simple then. I started to head towards my favorite bench beneath the tree. My body itched to run, to resume its movement. Recently, it was the only way to get me to relax.
