Page 48 of Guardian's Legacy
"Not your fault. Some people weren't meant to have kids," she shrugged.
"Not that," I replied sincerely. "I've never asked about you. What happened to you, and about your past."
"Well, we didn't exactly have time to… socialize." She waved her hand, but a small gleam in her eyes told me that she was pleased I was asking now.
"Anyway, the story goes that mom was high, and when the nurse asked her what she wanted to name me, she slurred something like…" She scrunched up her face in concentration to get the sound just right. "Allishahh."
A shiver went down my spine. That sounded even more like Allisaahn. She must have noticed it at the same time. Her eyes blinked in confusion. "That's so weird."
I nodded, giving her time to collect herself. "Well, the nurse knew how wasted Mom was and had mercy on me, so she put Alice down on the birth certificate. Probably the only normal thing that ever happened to me."
"It must have been hard to grow up with a drug-addicted mother," I wagered. "Did she ever sober up?" Probably not, if Earth drugs were anything like the drugs we had out here. I had terminated many criminals who had fallen victim to various sorts of means of altering their brain chemistry. The drugs turned them into very vicious assholes. It made me angry thinking that Alice had grown up in that environment.
"She didn't, neither did my father nor my siblings. I was the only one who stayed sober."
My strong little mate! If there had been any lingering doubt that she was mymate, it was gone. I wished I could erase those memories for her, wished it had been me instead of her going through a nightmare like that, but I couldn't. All I could do was show her how proud of her I was that, despite all odds, she was here, not addicted, and stronger than ever.
I held her tight for several heartbeats. "You are the strongest female I know."
"Well…" she laughed, "how many women have you actually got to know like me?"
A low chuckle rose in my chest. "You're right. You're the first and only,"besides Allisaahn, my mind amended. But since they were the same, I didn't think it counted. But I still had to learn a lot about Allisaahn in this incarnation. First, I would have to make her understand, though.
"Somehow, I feel special." She fluttered her eyelashes at me, increasing my chuckle despite all the dark thoughts racing through my head.
"Alright, joking aside." She pressed my hand. “Tell me what happened and who Allisaahn is. Should I be jealous?"
"You'll never have reason to be jealous," I promised, turning serious like her. Then I swallowed, unsure of where to start.
Before the dam broke last night, I had been dreaming. Now, I knew that it must have been another memory that had trickled through before the subsequent full eruption. For some reason, the dream played out a few days before the end. The sequence might not make a difference, but since this was the clearest dream I had ever had, and it happened just before the memories swallowed me up, I decided to start there.
* * *
I finished dressing the Ikaroo I caught earlier that day, then went to pick Allisaahn up from her workshop, knowing fully well that if I didn't, she would stay there all night. I loved my mate, but her obsession with inventing and refining tools robbed her of sleep and nourishment. It was a good thing she had me to make sure she got plenty of both.
Her workshop, like most of the others, was located in the center of town, and on my way, I met several of our friends. We nodded greetings and exchanged a few pleasantries, but I didn't stop. I was in a hurry to see Allisaahn. Our bond was still fresh; barely a rotation—a year—had gone by since the mating marks appeared on both our bodies. Finally finding my Soulweb mate had been the highlight of my life.
Not all Soulweb mates lived in the same town, or even the same region, which was why every three rotations, a meeting was held at the Borrog Mountains—a holy place, where thousands of rotations ago, the gods landed to bless us with their love. It was calledThe Seeking, and all eligible single males and females of Darlam journeyed there in search of their Soulweb Mate.
That's where I met Allisaahn. I was already in my twenties and desperate to find my Soulweb mate. I had traveled from town to town for two rotations, hoping to find her, but my search had been in vain. All of my friends were already mated, and I felt their eyes of pity on me.
Shadebound. Nobody said it out loud, not even my family, but the word was there, in their eyes, in my mind and heart. More with every passing rotation during which I still hadn't found her. Shadebound was what we called the ones who lost their Soulweb mate. It meant being bound to a shadow of what once was. No matter what, our Soulweb mates were the ones we were destined to spend eternity with, even if we never met them in life.
People died on Darlam. Not often, there was no crime, no disease, but it happened. A person could get gored by an animal, fall down a cliff, or drown; there were many ways for death to stalk us. And when death came to one, it might as well claim two because the bound mate would never know happiness again. No matter if they had met yet or not.
All my life, I had prepared for my Soulweb Mate. Finding her was my ultimate life goal. Without her, I was damned to a long, lonely life. We only mated once for eternity. That's how we were born, and that's how we died. Deep in my bones, I felt that she was still out there, searching for me as hard as I was searching for her. I knew that the moment I saw her, I would recognize her like I had hundreds of times before. I would feelcomplete. I had no memories of the other times, but as sure as I knew I was going to take another breath, I knew that for thousands of rotations, we had been one.
Even so, I wasn’t fully prepared for the emotions that assaulted me the moment I laid eyes on her the very first day of The Seeking. My Allisaahn! She was four years younger, which explained why I hadn't seen her at the previous ceremony. The moment our eyes met, we knew. Custom dictated that we spend time with others and get to know them until our Soulweb Glyphs marked our bodies. But we both knew who we were to each other, and we spent every moment together.
The festivities took place over the course of a week, during which time Glyphs appeared on many bodies, and happy couples departed. By the fifth day, Allisaahn and I were concerned. Neither one of us had shown signs of our Soulweb Glyphs appearing. More than once, I had to chase off a desperate male who wanted to spend time with my Allisaahn. Males and females were becoming more distressed with every passing day that they hadn't found their bonded mate. We were a peaceful people; aggression was not in our nature, but desperation could turn people crazy, and I was worried about a physical altercation.
"We should run away,"Allisaahn suggested.
"We still have two days," I reminded her. The thought of running away didn't sit well with me. People did; sometimes, they returned with their mating marks, but more often, they were never seen again. Couples without Soulweb Glyphs were not accepted in our towns. It was believed they robbed their mates of the pleasure of being with them, as well as denied their destiny promised to them by the gods. There were rumors of a settlement way up in the mountains where those couples lived with their own community, but I wasn't sure if that was true or not.Shade's Valewas the name of the rumored town, populated by the damned. The outcasts. The ones who had rebelled against the gods and defied their commands.
Every morning that week, I woke, checked my arm, and cursed when I didn't see any black marks. Why would the gods fate us but deny us the ultimate proof of their approval?
On the morning of the seventh day, my mood was particularly bleak.We should run away, Allisaahn's words echoed in my mind. But how could I do that to her? To her mate? To the one I was sure was out there, looking for her as desperately as I had been.No, I'm her mate. I'm her true mate, my mind whispered. I didn't have the courage yet to look at my arm. This was the last morning, and I didn't know what I would do if my arm hadn't been marked yet. How could I let her go? How could I not? I was torn. I would have gladly lived the rest of my life out alone and desolate if I had known it meant she would find her Soulweb Mate and be happy. But I didn't know that.
