Page 94 of Decidedly With Baby
“I know he does.” I didn’t doubt it. “But I’m not a U.S. citizen and I don’t have a green card, so even if he just moved across the country, I can’t go with him. And sure, I could marry him if he had been traded to another U.S. team”—I added because I could tell that was where Kelsey’s thoughts were headed—“but Canada is something else. It doesn’t matter if he and I are married, I can guarantee I won’t be allowed to work there. Then all my years of hard work will be fornothing.”
And I’d never be completely happy. I would always have that one regret in life—the one where I gave up the career Iloved.
But I guess when it came to my happiness, I would lose either way. Heads, I gave up the job I loved. Tails, I gave upJosh.
There were no winners in this game. No opportunity for a do-over.
“So what are you going to do?” Kelseyasked.
“Don’t worry. Lily and I will be fine. From the moment I discovered I was pregnant, I was prepared to be a single mother.” True—I wouldn’t be your typical single mum. But for all intents and purposes, this was closeenough.
No one looked too thrilled with that option, but there was nothing we could do. Playing in the NHL had been Josh’s dream. Most people didn’t get to live out their dreams, especially with something like that. So I couldn’t expect Josh to give up his. Not when this mess wasn’t hisfault.
How about I just blame the condom that had failedus?
Except then I wouldn’t haveLily.
Right—so no blaming the condomeither.
There had to be a better answer—one that worked for all ofus.
“Hey, I didn’t come over to depress everyone,” I said. “Let’s talk about something else. How was your photo shoot yesterday?” I askedKelsey.
While she shared a hilarious story about a noncooperative sheep and a model who wasn’t a fan of farm animals—especially ones who decided the model’s leg made a great spot to take a pee break on—my thoughts slipped back to the all-important question.Where the heck did I put my cellphone?
Welcome to Mommy Brain. They should havethatas a warning on the condom box. “Improper use of condoms can lead to pregnancy and your brain’s inability to function properly, especially during the most inopportunemoments.”
Still sitting on the couch, I leaned down and looked through my diaper bag. Usually I kept my phone in the side pocket but for some reason, I had dropped it into the main one before leaving the apartment, and it had ended up wrapped in Lily’s duckyblanket.
Erin returned from the kitchen where she had disappeared a few minutes ago. “Dinner’sready.”
Everyone stood up—everyone butme.
“I’ll be right there,” I said. As they headed to the kitchen, I checked my voicemailmessages.
“Hey, Holly. I’ve been traded to Montreal. I’m flying out tonight. I’ll call you as soon as I can. I love you. Give Lily a kiss for me.Bye.”
And that was it. Josh didn’t sound either sad or happy at the news—just blown-overshocked.
But not as shocked as I was. It felt like a kangaroo hadn’t paid attention to where he was going and knocked me onto myarse.
Josh wasn’t even coming home first. He was flying straight to Montreal—and I had no idea when I would see himagain.
I kissed Lily’s forehead. “Well, Lily-Flower. It’s just you and menow.”
Just as I had always imagined it wouldbe.
My phone vibrated in my hand. For a second I thought it was Josh. Disappointment sidled up to me as I read the name.Drew.
That wasn’t to say I was disappointed it was him. I wasn’t. Just disappointed it wasn’tJosh.
Drew:Please tell me you’re considering that job you are perfectfor.
Me:I have a job I love.With a company who was sponsoring my green-card application so I could stay in San Francisco.And I love it here. It’s myhome.
But wasit?
You know the saying about home is where the heartis?
