Page 54 of Decidedly With Baby
Remember how I wasn’t a spontaneous person—unless alcohol was added to the mix? I was a planner, and proud of it. But there was one thing I hadn’t given much thought to. Care to venture aguess?
That’s right. Josh and I had yet to discuss how things would work when it came to Josh, Junior, andme.
“So, this is it,” Josh said as we stepped into the living room of his spacious one-bedroom apartment. The black granite counter was the only thing separating the living room from thekitchen.
“It’s gorgeous.” Gorgeous? Was that the right adjective for the chocolate brown walls and furniture that was modern, simple, and masculine—completelymasculine?
Several dozen model cars were lined up on the glass bookshelves against one wall. Many of them were of classic cars from decades ago—cars that my brothers would’ve got hard-ons just thinkingabout.
“Are these the ones you made?” I asked, studying them. He nodded. “They’re amazing, and the details are incredible.” I examined what I recognized to be a classic modelBentley.
Like the model cars, the rest of the apartment was organized andtidy.
Surprised? Don’t be—check out his bedroomfirst.
“Wow, were there any survivors?” I snickered while doing my best not to cringe at the mess in his room. In contrast to the rest of the apartment, it was like stepping into Opposite Land. Anything that dared to be messy—clothes, bedding, car magazines—came here to die inpeace.
“A woman comes in weekly and cleans the apartment,” Josh said, scanning the messyroom.
“But there’s a major force field preventing her from entering your room?” Iasked.
“What can I say? A guy likes hisprivacy.”
What he really meant was that this was his man domain, and no woman had better disturb it. Although from what Trent had told me, none of Josh’s one-night stands had been inside the apartment. I was the rareexception.
“Out of curiosity,” I said, “how exactly do you see things working between us when it comes to thebaby?”
“What do youmean?”
An image of a family flashed in my head. A family who all lived together. A family with a father who read a bedtime story to his son every night and who was there if the child woke from anightmare.
What did I long for? A family in which both parents loved each other and lived in the same home. I wanted to return from work every day and spend the evening with the two most important people in my life—my husband and myson.
I wanted a family that was the opposite of the one I grew up with. A family where the kids were loved unconditionally andrespected.
The part about my lack of a husband? A minor detail. One I’d worry about lateron.
“It’s just you don’t exactly live next door to me,” I explained. “During the off-season, you came over in the evenings for yoga and sex, and then you’d go home. But during hockey season, that won’t bepossible.”
The cry of protest? That was the perma-ache between my legs. It had been busy appreciating the orgasms that had reset the earth’s trajectory around the sun. It had been too preoccupied to consider the implications of hockey season—untilnow.
“And what about when the baby is here?” I asked. “You’ll be away on the road. But when you’re not, when will we seeyou?”
From the way he flinched, I got the impression he hadn’t given this much thought. Josh wasn’t a planner. His ideal world was where he wingedthings.
But that wasn’t the world I livedin.
My world involved having a five-yearplan.
My world involved planning for when I returned to work after my maternityleave.
My world involved researching how to be a good mother—because that was the kind of mother I wished tobe.
“We’ll figure it out,” Josh said. “Until we get to that point, we won’t know what works best for everyone. It’s all speculation.” He kissed my temple—and it was as if he had magical powers, capable of soothingme.
They were awesomepowers.
Maybe I should include them in my birthplan.
