Page 46 of My Song for You
I dropped my head forward. The cool glass pressed against my forehead but did nothing for the headache I sensed coming.
“That’s what I thought….Fuck. I trusted you, Callie. I thought you were different than your sister. Did you know that she lied to me too? A few days after she told me she was pregnant, she told me she’d aborted the baby. All this time I had a son and had no idea.”
My eyes widened. Alexis had lied to Jared—and to me? But why? “I didn’t know,” I said. “I only knew that she had decided to raise the baby on her own. She said it would’ve been different if you two had been in love, but you weren’t and it would be unfair to the baby to be placed in that kind of situation. She felt it was better for the baby to be brought up by a single mother than by two parents whose only interest in each other was purely sexual.” Yes, it had been quite the conversation to have with your seventeen-year-old little sister. Maybe it had been her way of making sure I didn’t follow in her footsteps.
“I don’t get it,” he said, voice tight. “Why did she lie to me, telling me that she’d had an abortion and then keeping the baby?”
Good question. I shrugged, my head still resting against the window. “I have no idea. Maybe she was going to include you in his life but then changed her mind. She also wanted to protect Logan, and felt the only way to do that was to keep you from being part of his life.” I flinched at how horrible that sounded, even though it was the truth.
“Like fuck she did.” He grabbed my arm and forced me to turn around to face him. “How the hell does keeping him from his father protect him?”
“Because she believed in you.”
“Right. That’s why she kept me from knowing the truth. Doesn’t sound like she believed in me at all.”
“That’s not true,” I bit out. “She knew, like I did, that you were talented and would go far with your music. We both believed that one day you would be where you are now.”
“So you believed in my musical abilities, but not in my ability to be Logan’s father?”
“Yes! Maybe! All she knew was that one day you would hit it big, and where would that leave the baby? You wouldn’t be around much, always on the road or in the recording studio. She was afraid that you’d regret your child, and then what would happen? She would be left raising Logan on her own in the end.” Except it wasn’t Alexis who had been left with that responsibility. It was me.
And it was me who was now the sole bearer of Jared’s hate for what my sister had done in order to protect her son. Their son.
“Is that whatyouthought? After knowing me all those years, is that what you thought too?”
Breathe in. Breathe out. That was all I had to do.
“No. At least not at first.” I had believed that Jared would be there for his child, even if he wasn’t romantically involved with my sister. In time, Alexis had convinced me otherwise.
Jared stepped closer. “What changed your mind?” The pain in his tone was undeniable. I inwardly flinched.
I didn’t have an answer that I could tell him without betraying my heart, which had foolishly began falling for him since he’d become part of my life again. So I kept silent, letting him fill in the blanks as he chose.
His face darkened at my silence. “When did Alexis and your parents die?”
“Just after he turned one.”
“And he thinks you’re his mother?”
I bristled at this. “Iamhis mother.”
“Legally?”
“What does that have to do with anything? I’m the only mother he remembers. He doesn’t even remember Alexis.” My voice cracked with guilt at my sister’s name. “I’ve been with him since the day he regained consciousness at the hospital after the accident.” My eyes misted at the memory of his tiny bruised body in the hospital crib. Until now I’d kept that memory locked away.
“Fuck. Logan was in the car accident?”
I nodded, and the sobs that had been building just under the surface broke free. After the accident I’d barely had time to cry and mourn my sister’s and parents’ deaths. Everything had happened so fast when it came to all the difficult decisions I’d been forced to make on my own about Logan’s future.
Warm, solid arms enveloped me and held me close to an equally warm, solid body. The familiar scent of woods and spice and man also wrapped around me. It soothed me, but not enough to bottle up the more than three years of sorrow I’d been holding on to. It felt so good to be held by him that for a moment I pretended the last five years had been a bad dream.
Eventually my sobbing slowed to a hiccup and the memory of what had led me to cry against Jared’s chest returned full force—including the distrust and aversion he now felt toward me because of my role in keeping Logan’s paternity a secret from him.
I pulled away and attempted to dry my cheeks with my fingers. “You know what the hardest part is? Despite what you might think, Alexis was an amazing mother. Her world revolved around your son. But Logan doesn’t even remember her.” He did in those early days, though, and would cry himself to sleep because he wanted her and only her. Over time, as I became his sole parent, the one person he could rely on, her memory faded. “To him, the girl in the pictures was his aunt.” It killed me every time he referred to her that way. “I thought it would be easier.” For me or for him? I had no idea anymore.
Jared’s gaze dropped to the floor for a moment. When his eyes met mine again, the storm of emotions in them terrified me. I had no idea what he was thinking, which left me feeling stripped and vulnerable. I wrapped my arms around myself, shielding me from further pain.
“Legally, what are you to my son?” he finally asked.
