Page 87 of Heat It Up (Off the Ice)
“Anything.” His voice is as drowsy as I feel.
“What’s gonna happen to us once the summer’s over?” I brace for any sign that what we have will end once we leave.
It doesn’t happen. He tightens his hold on me. “I was hoping you’ll be my girlfriend. For real—even if it’s long distance for a while.”
“But you’re struggling with so much, and until you trust me with what you’re going through, there’ll always be a wall between us. And it won’t go away if you’re living in Seattle and I’m living in Minneapolis.” Or Finland for the year.
His hold on me loosens and his runs his hand over his face. I’ve lost him. I pushed too hard and instead of him being ready to let me in and help him, he’s pushing me away. Part of me screams out to beg him to ignore what I said. That I’m willing to accept whatever he can give me, even if it ends once he leaves Helsinki. But the rest of me warns not to be an idiot. Ian’s and my relationship was a mess because he wasn’t honest with me. I need Kyle to be honest with me.
“I told you I was in an accident last year.”
I nod even though he can’t see me. Turning to my side, I take in his pained expression.
“My wife and I were driving home from a party and a fucking drunk driver didn’t stop at the red light. He hit my car and killed Gabby.” His tone is a wreckage of anger. My insides tighten at his words as a memory leaks to the surface.
“When was this?” I whisper.
“A year ago last May,” he says, and my insides tighten so much, I can barely breathe. “The asshole and his girlfriend also died in the accident.”
Tears cloud my vision but Kyle is too busy glaring at the ceiling to notice.
“I used to play hockey with the Minnesota Bears. I had a promising future until the fucking asshole took it away from me.”
“Sofia,” Mom had said through my bedroom door the morning after the party. She’d been in bed when I finally came home after crying for hours in a playground not far from our house. “I need to talk to you.”
I wiped my cheeks dry and sat up. Whenever she told me, “I need to talk to you,” it was never good news. “Okay.”
She opened the door and hesitantly stepped in. Her gaze settled on the corkboard that was once filled with photos of me and Ian, as well as photos of my family and friends. Yesterday morning you would have been hard pressed to find patches of cork peeking between the photos. Now half the board was empty, Ian’s pictures crowding the trashcan.
She sat next to me on the bed. “Ian’s mom just called.”
Great, Ian’s mom knows what happened and phoned to say she was sorry.The image of Ian’s tongue down the blonde’s throat crashed into my head, and I almost doubled over in pain. “Ian was in a car accident last night.” She kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry, Sofia. He didn’t make it.”
Kyle is so lost in thought about the accident, he doesn’t notice I’m dying inside. In the end, it doesn’t matter if he’s moving away or if I stay in Finland for the year, that’s not what will destroy what we shared between us.
I choke back the sob building in me. I should leave. I should find some excuse and go back to Muumu’s apartment and try to forget the last year ever happened, try to forget this summer happened. But I can’t.
So I stay and watch a movie with him. Stay and pretend everything is all right. And when I can no longer keep pretending, I peel my body away from his. “I should go back home and make sure Muumu is okay.”
Kyle nods and pushes himself off the couch. “I’ll drive you.”
I give him a quick kiss. “You can just drop me off at the bus station.” I need to talk to Claire, and I’d rather not do that at home.
I give him the best smile I can muster, which must have been convincing enough because he smiles back. The sight of it breaks my heart and I can barely hold back a sob.
Chapter Forty-Five
Sofia
In Norse Mythology, there are female beings known as the Norns. Like with the Fates of Greek Mythology, they determine the future. It’s also believed in Norse Mythology that along with the three main Norns, there are many lesser known ones. Some cause all the tragedies in the world, some protect us.
But in my case, they’re sitting somewhere having a good laugh at my expense.
“You sure you don’t want me to drive you home?” Kyle says as he pulls up to the central bus station in Helsinki.
“No, this is good.”
He parks the car in front of the terminal, in the passenger unloading zone, and leans in to kiss me.
