Page 92 of Heat It Up (Off the Ice)
I shake my head, clearly unable to say anything intelligent. Heck, clearly unable to say anything, period.
“Maybe it’s time you do.”
I snort. “You want me to tell him on the phone that I love him? Isn’t that kind of impersonal?”
“Maybe so, but something tells me that pouring your heart out will do you and him some good. And from what you’ve told me, you’ve got nothing to lose. You don’t have to tell him everything now, but you do need to eventually be honest with him.”
The bus that drives past Santa’s Village pulls up to the curb and the woman stands. She climbs on and I follow. The bus is crowded so even though I wouldn’t mind getting more advice on my love life, I can’t. A man stands up, allowing the woman to take his seat. I continue to the back of the bus.
I find the only other empty spot available and sit next to a guy with a pierced lip and a sleeve of tattoos. The last person on the bus I expect to be a love expert, although I could be wrong.
I remove my phone from my backpack and study it for several minutes, as if the answer to what I should do will flash on the screen. Or Kyle will sense that I want to talk to him and phone me this very second. Or this second.
Or this one.
When that doesn’t happen, I scroll through the texts Kyle has sent me since the day I ran. He hasn’t texted me in the past twenty-four hours. And why should he? It’s my turn to reach out, not his.
Not wanting to pour my heart out to Kyle while on the bus with Tattoo Guy sitting next to me, whether he understands English or not, I return the phone to my purse. I spend the rest of the trip watching the houses become fewer and fewer, to be replaced by pine trees as we drive along the highway.
Santa’s Village comes into view. The squat wooden buildings, joined in a line, with their arched windows, haven’t changed since the last time I was here with my parents, when I was a kid. Nor has my belief changed that the pointed roof on the taller building, which makes up the main entrance, reminds me of an angular wizard hat with Santa’s picture on it.
The bus comes to a stop and a swarm of tourists climb into the aisle and exit. A few people, including Tattoo Guy and the elderly woman remain behind.
“Don’t forget to call him before it’s too late,” she says as I walk past. I promise her I will and join the rest of the tourists milling around the front entrance. While everyone goes inside, I remove my phone from my purse. Before I can change my mind, I find Kyle’s number and call him.Answer. Please answer.
I get his voicemail.
“Hi. It’s me. Sofia. I just want to say that I’m sorry for not calling you back sooner.” I stumble over the words, not too sure what to say. “Something happened. Well, more like I found out something that has to do with you and me. And I got scared that you would hate me after you discovered the truth. So I left. And I’m in Rovaniemi and I’m not sure if I’ll see you again, because after this I’m going back home. But—but I wanted to tell you that I love you. And I’m sorry about everything. I really am.” The words come out so fast I barely realize what I’m saying. He won’t understand what I’m talking about, but it’ll have to be enough.
I hang up and enter the building somewhat lighter. I can’t keep running. No matter what happens or doesn’t happen between me and Kyle, I’ll have to face the truth and deal with it.
With no real destination in mind, other than to explore the entire village, I wander through the stores. I’m not searching for anything specific, other than maybe a few gifts for my parents and friends.
It’s not until I’m looking through the various gifts made out of reindeer antlers that I find the perfect gift for Kyle, if he ever forgives me for not facing up to the truth and telling him who I am.
I pick up the small knife and slip it from the leather case made out of reindeer skin. The handle is made from reindeer antler. The knife is a symbol of how much I trust him, with my heart and with my body. I take it to the cashier and she asks if I want them to engrave anything on the blade.
“To Kyle, love Sofia.” The words come so easily, like they’ve been waiting patiently for me to say them. I’ve spent the past several years exploring the world through my camera lens. Looking for the world no one else sees because they are too busy looking at the wrong things. When it came to me and Kyle, and the truth about the night of the accident, I was no different to everyone else. I ignored what was in front of me. I ignored the other truths.
After I write down the message I want engraved on the knife, I pass time waiting for it by studying the various glass birds on display. The birds, including the swans, are the same as the ones I saw with Kyle a few weeks ago. They even have the fat little bird he bought for his mom.
It doesn’t take long before the knife is ready, and I walk to the next store. My phone buzzes, and my heart rate accelerates, clearly thinking that maybe it’s Kyle texting me. But it’s Maija.
I read her text.Are you still at Santa’s Village?Then reply,Yes. But I haven’t told Santa yet what I want for Christmas. Or that you’ve been good.
I pick up a hand carved reindeer made from wood. I’m definitely aiming for a reindeer theme here.
My phone buzzes again.
Turn around.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Kyle
Sofia turns around and her expression transforms through a range of emotions. It settles on her staring at me, her mouth open, eyes wide. She doesn’t move and she doesn’t speak. She’s been turned into a gold statue.
I walk up to her, mouth dry, mind racing. In hockey, before I hit the ice for a game, I could focus on what I needed to do. Win. But winning a hockey game, even if it is during the Stanley Cup playoffs, is nothing like winning the love of the girl who means everything to you.
