Page 69 of Heat It Up (Off the Ice)
I shift closer to Tuuli and scoop her up in my arms. She whimpers and a cold sweat covers my body. While Joni looks like he works out, I suspect I can bench press a lot more than him. And Sofia’s grandmother isn’t a frail old woman.
I stagger up, and pray with everything I have in me and more that my leg holds out at least long enough for me to get her into Joni’s car.
Ignoring the sharp ache, I move as fast as I can along the trail. No one speaks, other than the occasional swear word from Joni ahead of me, as he keeps checking the cell phone reception, and the occasional word or two from the woman in my arms. I don’t know what she’s saying and I don’t care. Just as long as she can still talk. Just as long as she’s still conscious.
We arrive at the cars, my entire body shaking from the strain of carrying Sofia’s grandmother and from the fear of being too late because I couldn’t move fast enough. Sofia, looking pale and shaken, climbs into the backseat of Joni’s vehicle, and Joni helps me transfer Tuuli into the back with her. Sofia’s attention is fully on her grandmother, the woman’s head on Sofia’s lap.
I close the car door and turn to Joni. “I’ll meet you at the hospital.”
He nods and climbs into the driver’s seat, and I watch them drive away. Once I can no longer see them, I drop to the grassy embankment, finally giving into the pain.
In the past, when I was in a lot of pain, I would self-medicate with booze. I haven’t done that lately. I haven’t needed to, until now.
I close my eyes and will the pain away. I have no idea how long I’ve been lying here—maybe a few minutes, maybe a lot longer—before I finally push myself up and limp to my car.
I drive to the hospital and park in the parking lot. Then stare at the building for five minutes. I should go in and be with Sofia. Be with her like Joni is. If something happened to her grandmother while I was dealing with my pain in the bar, I’d never be able to forgive myself. Sofia would never be able to forgive me.
Shaking away the thought that something bad has happened, I limp to a restaurant near the hospital. There, I call Sofia to tell her I’m on my way but only get her voicemail. A couple of shots of something strong is all I need to take the edge off the pain.
“Hey, babe, I’m gonna be there soon. I had to stop off somewhere first.” I end the call and enter the lounge, where I order four shots of whatever they have that is strong.
I shoot back the first glass. The dark liquid goes down smooth. I give it a few minutes before shooting back the contents of the next two glasses. My phone rings and I scramble to see who’s calling. It’s not Sofia. It’s Cody. I place the phone on the table, unable to talk to him. Unwilling to hear the disappointment in his voice at what I’m doing. I shoot back the final drink and give it a few minutes for the buzz to numb the pain.
Once the pain is tolerable, I walk to the hospital and enter through the ER doors. I scan the waiting room and spot Joni and his grandmother sitting in the chairs against the far wall. Sofia isn’t with them.
Joni stands as I approach, grooves stretching across his forehead. “Where the hell have you been?”
“How’s she doing?”
The grooves deepen. “Have you been drinking?”
“None of your business.”
Joni shoves my shoulder. “I’m making it my damn business. Sofia’s grandmother had a heart attack, and you’re getting drunk instead of being with your girlfriend.” He spits the last word, the taste repugnant in his mouth.
“I’m not drunk.”
He steps closer. I stand my ground. “I can smell the booze on you.”
“That doesn’t make me drunk,” I bite back.
Aino stands and places her hand on her grandson’s chest. Whatever she says to him is enough for him to take a step back.
I exhale slowly and look between them. “I want to see Sofia. Please.”
Joni nods and indicates for me to follow him. He leads me to the front desk and speaks with the nurse on duty. She tells me in English where I need to go to find Sofia. Joni returns to his grandmother as I walk in the direction the nurse indicated. Hope pounds through me with each step that Sofia will forgive me for being late. Hope pounds through me that she doesn’t notice I was drinking before coming here.
Sofia is standing next to her grandmother’s bed, her face damp with tears. At the sight of her, something inside me fractures and threatens to destroy the last part of me that I’ve held onto for so long. The last part of me that had survived the accident and survived Gabby’s death. I should have been here for Sofia no matter what, no matter how much pain I was in.
I wrap her in my arms and rest my cheek against the top of her head. She wraps her arms around my waist and holds on to me, tight.
Her grandmother’s eyes are closed. I can’t tell if she’s asleep or unconscious. Behind her, a heart rate monitor beeps a steady beat. She’s hooked up to an oxygen mask and IV, and I’ve never seen her look so frail.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” I whisper. “How is she?”
“She’s sleeping. The doctors said she was lucky. It wasn’t a massive heart attack. They’re waiting for an ICU bed to open up, then they’ll move her there.” She pulls away. “I need to call my mom.”
“I can get Aino. She’ll stay with your grandmother if you want.”
