Page 30 of Unforgotten
For that instant the past didn’t matter, who they were didn’t matter. For that frozen moment in time they were just a man and a woman. His kiss pushed everything else aside, including her grief.
Ella leaned into Gavin as his lips brushed across hers, as his tongue explored her mouth. Heat throbbed through her, from a fire deep in her belly. Gavin had drawn near so that they were pressed close. The feel of his long, muscular body, the strength and warmth of him made her want to crawl inside him. The male musk of his skin filling her nostrils was overwhelming, dizzying.
In an instant that one kiss brushed away years of restraint, of denial. And when he gently bit her lower lip before soothing it with his tongue, Ella’s body trembled.
Aye, for just a few instants, she gave herself to it. She allowed herself to be greedy, to break her vow of chastity. She let want take over.
But alas, this moment wasn’t really frozen in time. Instead, it slid into another and then another, and Ella couldn’t deny reality.
She was a nun, he was a clan-chief, and her mother lay dead in her chamber at the end of the hallway. This was wrong on all kinds of levels.
And yet breaking off that kiss and stepping away from him was hard. Even harder than riding away from Scorrybreac all those years earlier. Losing physical contact with Gavin was like tearing off a limb.
Ella’s throat ached when she twisted out of his arms and took a few rapid steps back. The space between them now felt like a yawning gulf.
Gavin was watching her; the look of predatory lust upon his face, mixed with tenderness and raw need almost undid her. She didn’t want him to look at her that way, and yet at the same time, it was the only thing she’d ever wanted.
She hated herself for needing this man. Even now, all these years later, he had the power to scatter her wits and turn her will into porridge.
She should be outraged at him for taking advantage of her at a weak moment. But she couldn’t summon the will. Grief had laid her bare, and she had responded to that kiss as eagerly as he’d given it.
She wouldn’t turn her desire for him into a lie. She would just have to live with knowing that this man was her one weakness.
But the incident proved that the two of them couldn’t be alone together, ever again.
Ella took another step back and bumped up against the bed. Panic flared. How easy it would be for him to push her back upon the coverlet, tear her flimsy night-rail from her body, and claim her. And to her shame, if he tried, she wasn’t sure she’d have the strength of will to stop him.
She wasn’t sure she wouldn’t welcome it.
Desire crackled between them, their gazes still fused. Gavin’s blue eyes had hooded in that look she knew well from the past. He was only just holding himself in check.
Eventually, Ella cleared her throat, breaking the heavy silence. “I think it’s best ye go now, Gavin,” she whispered.
14
In Ruins
GAVIN CLOSED THE solar door behind him and walked over to the sideboard, where a decanter of wine and a row of goblets sat. His hands shook as he poured himself some wine.
Dolt. Lack-wit. Fool.
He’d made some poor decisions in his life—but kissing Ella when she was in the midst of weeping over the death of her mother was one of his worst. He’d known it was wrong, from the moment he’d cupped Ella’s wet cheeks with his hands, and yet he’d been unable to stop himself.
The wine burned down Gavin’s throat, warming his belly. But it didn’t ease the ache under his breast bone or slow his pounding heart.
Gavin set the goblet down with a thud. Unlike his brother, he couldn’t use wine to wash his problems away. It wouldn’t matter how much he drank, he’d never stop wanting Ella, never stop aching for her.
Breathing a curse, he stepped forward, leaning his forehead against the cool stone wall next to the sideboard. The chill seeped through his skin, although the pounding in his temples remained.
What a terrible mess he’d made of things.
He’d believed that seeing Ella again would give him the opportunity to put things right—so that he could move on with his life. After Innis’s death, his clansmen had been putting pressure on him to wed again. There was still time for him to produce an heir. He hadn’t been opposed to the idea, yet he’d had the burning need to face Ella again so that he could look forward rather than backward.
That had been a grave error.
Seeing her again had just confirmed that he’d never be able to give his heart to another. Ever.
Gavin squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn’t wept in years, but his eyelids burned now. Disappointment, yearning, loneliness—it all churned within him. The force of the emotions made his belly clench, his chest and head ache.
