Page 26 of Unforgotten
ELLA PUT DOWN the book of psalms, her gaze resting upon Cait Fraser’s face. Her mother had fallen asleep halfway through the reading. The healer had visited Cait earlier and given her a dose of something strong. Although the herbs dulled the pain, they also made her sleepy.
Rising to her feet, Ella leaned forward and placed a kiss upon her mother’s gaunt cheek. The skin was cool and papery beneath her lips. “Sleep well, Ma,” she whispered. “I shall see ye tomorrow.”
They’d spoken little during this meeting, for fatigue and pain had dulled Cait’s senses and she’d preferred to listen rather than converse. Ella could understand why. Her mother’s eyes were hollowed with pain.
It was getting late, late enough that Ella could retire for the day without appearing rude. Supper had taken place already. Like all the meals in the Great Hall, this one had simmered with tension. It wasn’t only Ella’s presence here that caused it, she realized, but the relations between Maggie MacNichol and her three offspring. She seemed to delight in tormenting them, Gavin and Gordana especially.
Still, Maggie would find time—at least once during the meal—to level an insult at Ella. This eve, she had questioned her on life at the abbey before concluding that nuns had spoiled, privileged lives.
Ella sensed the woman’s thinly veiled frustration. Maggie had once held a position of power at Scorrybreac. Her husband had been clan-chief, but he had sought her counsel in all things.
Gavin did not.
Ella left her mother’s chamber and made her way down the hallway to her own lodgings. Yawning, she let herself into the small yet comfortable room. Although it was still summer, a servant had been in and lit the hearth. In stone keeps like these, the air stayed cool and damp, even on the hottest days. Ella was grateful for the fire. The servants had also brought up fresh water for washing, and left linen drying cloths and a large cake of soap.
Picking it up, Ella gave the soap a delicate sniff: rose. A pang went through her. Life at Kilbride didn’t allow for such frivolities. None of the nuns used scented soaps or dabbed rosewater behind their ears.
It felt like a forbidden luxury now.
Even so, Ella would still use the soap this evening. She was far from Kilbride—no one would know or care.
Stopping before her bed, Ella began to undress. It always took her a while, for there were a number of layers to peel off. First came the black veil that she wore over her wimple, and then the woolen belt she cinched about her waist, before she unlooped her crucifix and placed it upon a low wooden table next to the bed. She then wriggled out of the habit itself and removed her guimpe, a starched cloth that covered her neck and shoulders. The wimple lifted off afterward. Then, she removed the scapular—an apron that hung from front and back—and pushed down her underskirt, so that she finally stood clad only in a long ankle-length léine.
Ella let out a sigh. At times, during the summer, she felt like she was being smothered under all those layers of fabric.
Reaching up, Ella undid the heavy braid that hung between her shoulders, freeing her long hair. With a sigh, she shook it free. Her scalp had been itching all day; her hair badly needed washing.
Upon her arrival at Kilbride, Ella had prepared herself to have her hair shorn close to her scalp. However, the abbess held a lenient view on the subject, preferring to let all the nuns keep their hair at whatever length they preferred. Instead, she conducted a symbolic ceremony when they took their vows, snipping off just a single lock.
Ella stripped off her léine, shivering in the cool air despite the hearth burning nearby. She moved close to the wash bowl and poured water into it, humming to herself as she began to wash. When she had cleaned her body, she bent over and wet her hair before lathering it with soap.
The scent of rose floated over her, and Ella inhaled deeply. It was odd how evocative scents could be. Suddenly, she was sixteen years old again, and full of hope for the life before her. She’d been obsessed by roses at that age. She’d embroidered them on all her mother’s cushions, pressed rose petals, taken care of her mother’s rose bushes, and made rose-scented water and soap.
Drying herself off, Ella donned her night-rail, a loose robe that she wore for sleeping. With a sigh, she perched on the edge of the bed and gently combed out her long hair. The silence and peace inside her chamber wrapped itself around her. At this hour, all the Sisters of Kilbride would be spending time in contemplative silence. In contrast, Scorrybreac Castle seemed to echo with loud voices and laughter until late in the evening. She’d forgotten just how many folk actually lived here.
She retrieved her crucifix from the side table and knelt at the foot of the bed, hands clasped, as she began her evening prayers.
She usually found it easy to concentrate on the words—but this evening thoughts kept crowding her mind, intruding.
Her conversation with Gordana that morning had haunted her for the rest of the day.
My brother has never forgotten ye.
The solemn look on Gordana’s face had made Ella’s breathing constrict, as did the sadness that shadowed her eyes with the next words.
Gavin knows all chance with ye is gone.
Now that she was here and had started to mend things with her mother, Ella was relieved she had made the journey to Scorrybreac. Yet there were too many memories in this place. Just walking around the shadowy hallways of the keep brought so much back.
The mistakes of the past weigh heavily upon my brother’s shoulders.
Ella heaved a sigh. There had been many times over the years when she’d wondered how Gavin was faring. In the first year, she’d thought of him constantly, especially when—
No.Ella squeezed her eyes shut, her comb snagging on a knot in her hair. She wouldn’t think of it.Not now—not ever again.
Gavin wasn’t the only one who carried a burden, who had been scarred by the past. Ella’s wounds went deep, deeper than he realized.
“Ella!” Stewart Fraser’s voice boomed through the door, jerking her from a fitful sleep. “Ye need to come quickly.”
