Page 27 of Levi
Ifeel like I’m the size of the cow barn that stares at me right outside the back window.Brody thinks I’ve swallowed the basketball from the backyard that went missing around the time we moved in, but I don’t find it as funny as he does.I continue to ask the doctor if I’m carrying twins or even triplets with how big I feel, but Dr.Ellis assures me that this is a single birth.
I’m two days to my due date and everyone on the ranch is on baby watch.Brody has made sure everyone is overly prepared in case my water breaks or I go into labor.He has gone way overboard in the ‘daddy’ role.He knows that this isn’t his baby, but he is making sure that I’m not missing out on any of the moments that the father of the child should be doing for the mother.We’ve gone to birthing class together and even took a parenting class at the small local hospital.We do prenatal yoga classes every Tuesday and Thursday morning, then head over to the diner to have a large chocolate milk shake.Brody even sent out a certified person to teach everyone on the property the correct way to perform CPR for both infants and adults.I truly am lucky to have him in my life.It was like the world knew I needed someone like him.
The nursery is done in neutral colors because I wanted to wait until the baby is here to find out if I’m having a boy or girl.A part of me was hoping to be back home in Los Angeles by now and have Levi by my side, but I think reality has set in that he doesn’t want to be a part of mine or our baby’s lives.I was ordering some things for the nursery online last month when an article popped up about him being sent home from the hospital.I couldn’t bring myself to click on the page to read the full article, but at least I know he’s recovered for the most part.I can’t let myself go back to that dark place once again.
After watching the video of Daniel on the steps of the hospital, I had a complete breakdown over everything that happened in those few days.Brody had to force feed me and I rarely went out of my room.Zeus was my only comfort.After three weeks went by, Brody busted through the door and drug me out.He said that I’d wasted enough time on that loser and that I had a little person to think about, and I needed to focus on that.He was right, and after that afternoon I haven’t thought much about my life back in LA.Every now and then a thought will creep in, but now I see that my future is with this little jellybean.
“Ready to walk that baby out?”I hear Patrick yell, as Zeus and I step off the porch for our morning walk from the cow barn to the horse stables.Brody has made sure all the guys know to keep a watch out for me while I’m outside.He learned early on how I’m not the most balanced person to walk this earth.Now add thirty pounds to the front and I’m a walking disaster.
“I’m hoping today is the day,” I yell back.
Zeus keeps in step with me as we start our morning routine.Brody had a call come in as we were walking out and will catch up when he’s done.As we approach the final leg of our walk a sharp, tight pain lances over the front of my belly and it has me doubling over from the pain.
“Ah, ouch that really hurt.”
Zeus whimpers, as if he can feel the same pain and is going through it too.
Ever so slowly, I continue walking back towards the house when another jolt almost brings me to my knees.I scream out this time, and Zeus starts howling in a tone I’ve never heard before.He continues until I hear yelling and watch as Brody comes shooting out the back door at lightning speed.
“I gotcha, Momma Bear,” he says as he kneels down in front of me.The other guys come running over to check on me, but Zeus gets in between them and me, warning them to stay back.
“It hurts, Brody.It came out of nowhere and then this awful pain shot—” I don’t get finish that sentence because a gush of liquid flows down my legs and pools at my feet.“Oh, shit.”
“Okay, we got this.Focus on your breathing,” Brody says in a calm manner, then turns to the guys.“Patrick, get the truck ready, her bag is by the front door.”
“You got it Boss,” he replies and runs off.
Brody picks me up bridal style, and carries me over to the truck that Patrick is now loading with my bags.He places a thick towel down on the seat right before Brody carefully sets me down on it.He closes the door, and is on the phone with the doctor and tells her that we’re heading to the hospital.
Four hours later, I’m in the final stages of pushing and I regret not getting the epidural.I feel like my insides have been wrung out like a wet towel, and I think I’ve depleted all of my water supply from all the sweating I’ve done.
The doctor came in five minutes ago and said we were almost there.I swear they said that an hour ago.I’m tired and all I want is to go to sleep and wake up in a week.My eye catches my left hand and I see the two beautiful wedding rings Brody gave me a few weeks after arriving here, but my mind goes back to that dark place and for some reason I can’t focus on the doctor’s directions.
“Okay, Sadie, when the next contraction starts, I need you to bear down and really give me a push,” Doctor Ellis instructs, but I can’t hold back my emotions any longer.Turning to Brody, who has been by my side and coaching me through this, I wail and burst out.
“I can’t do this.It’s not right, he should be here.He should want to be here,” I sob.The nurse on my other side wipes a cold cloth over my forehead.
Brody releases my leg, keeping a firm grip on my hand, but moves up close to my face so we are almost nose to nose.
“Momma Bear, you are the strongest woman I know.You are all this little baby needs in this world and you are going to be the best mother a child could ask for.I’ll never leave your side and will be here through everything with you.”He pauses as I fight the next contraction.“We need you to push, Sadie.Be strong for this little one and let’s welcome little jellybean into this world.”
I nod and wait for the doctor.On her command, I dig deep through the burning and push as she tells me to.After three of the longest counts to ten, we are rewarded with the sound of the most beautiful cry.
“There we go, little one,” Dr.Ellis coos as the tears stream down my face.“Do the proud parents want to know what this little, and I mean little, bundle of joy is?”
Brody squeezes my hand and kisses my temple.The pain’s suddenly gone, and all my focus is at my feet where I can see a head full of brown locks.
“Yes, yes please tell us,” I cry out.
“Mommy and Daddy, I’d like to introduce you to your sweet little girl,” she exclaims, and both Brody and I burst out in a yell-cry.“Daddy, you want to cut the cord?”
Brody whips his head to me and I can see the uncertainty in his eyes.He may not share the same DNA with my little girl, but he’s been here every step of the way, and it doesn’t look as though that will be changing any time soon.
I give him a firm nod, and he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand before taking ahold of the medical scissors to cut the cord.Once he’s done, Dr.Ellis passes my baby girl over to the nurse as she starts to clean her up, weigh her, then check her breathing.Brody comes back over, taking my hand and kissing it.
“Thank you, Sadie.”He places his face in the crook of my neck, and I grab him like he’s my lifeline.“I know she’s not mine, but I’ll protect and love her for as long as she needs me.And you for that matter,” he whispers in my ear.
I know this is an emotional time for all of us, but in a way Brody and I have become a family.We may not have that sexual context to it like a normal husband and wife, but he has fulfilled every other aspect of meeting my needs.
