Page 71 of Levi
“What?”I question, Mitch never just bursts through a door unannounced.
“Sir, I need you to come with me.Now,” Mitch urgently states and practically drags me out the door and outside, where Ryan is standing holding an opened package.
Once we are securely away from the house, Mitch speaks.
“Sir, I just received this and I don’t think it is something we can ignore.”
I look in the package and see a picture of Saylor, Halo and myself holding hands on either side of our baby, as we walk down the street from yesterday, heading into the ice cream shop.At the bottom of the photo is a message.
I told you what would happen if you didn’t leave them.Did you think I’d make empty threats?I’m coming for them; you and your security won’t see it in time.
Saylor
Ican’t believe I just said that to Levi.I think I’m ready to try againwas not what I was going to say when I touched his arm.What I was going to ask was whether he wanted to order takeout or have me make a small dinner.Boy, that went in a completely different direction.But every time we touch, I’m still that girl who is zapped at contact and loses all train of thought.I was planning to have a very long discussion with him, after we were settled here in a week or so, about moving forward.Well, I guess there’s no time like the present.
I know in my heart that he and I belong together and nothing can break our bond, even years apart.When I was with Brody, I was still thinking about Levi; it didn’t matter what was happening.I was always wondering what he was doing or what he would think about how Halo was growing.It’s probably why I was pushing off and holding out todateBrody.
The last two months have been so hard on me, and speaking with Everly daily and not seeing her has been difficult, now that we have been reconnected.I ended up calling Dr.Blake, and with her encouragement after a week, and breaking down over the phone, we managed to skype our sessions.The more we talked, the better I felt afterwards.
We spent hours on the phone at times and even on weekends.Dr.Blake has been the ear that I needed to rant and rave to when I felt myself hit a brick wall with both Brody and Levi.She always makes herself available, even afterhours.
With Levi, it was easy sessions for some reason as opposed to Brody.Levi, I held so much animosity towards but it was all displaced.I thought he was behind everything that happened to me when in reality, he was only responsible for keeping the threat from me.That restaurant debacle didn’t help but after some hard truths, I understood where he was coming from.I hated he kept it from me, and he better never do something like that ever again or else I’ll smother him with a pillow in his sleep.But Dr.Blake reminded me of Levi’s past and how even though he’s worked through most of it, he still has a lot of insecurities when it comes to me.In his mind he thought that by not telling me, he was keeping me and the baby safe.As horrible as that sounds, is that really such a bad thing for a husband to want to protect you and your child?Yes, he kept something from me but according to him and Mitch, he was trying to find me to tell me about the situation.If all marriages ended when one spouse made a mistake, then no one would be married.
Levi has been more than forthcoming since he found me and Halo, and I have no reason but to believe he won’t do it again.I trust he’ll make the right decision next time, and that he’s learned from his mistakes that caused us to be apart for over two years.
One thing Dr.Blake said to me was, “Now that you know the whole truth and situation, can you walk away from Levi and only be happy to see him when he picks Halo up or on her birthdays?”The answer was an immediate no.Some may think we have an unhealthy relationship but to us it works, or worked, I should say.Now we have a second chance to learn and grow to be even better than we were the first time around.
Like Dr.Blake reminded me, I knew full well what I was getting into when I married Levi.I knew of his insecurities and abandonment issues.We’d had a few sessions with Dr.Jordan, just so that I understood him and his line of thinking.I knew something wasn’t right at the restaurant when he made a scene and if I’d been in my right mind, I’d known what he was up to.Levi never liked doing anything in the public eye when it came to our relationship, and having lunch in the middle of a restaurant should’ve been a red flashing warning sign.Had I not been so hormonal, I think things would’ve turned out differently; I think I’d still have slapped the shit out of him but things would’ve been clearer.
Brody, on the other hand, was a lot more complicated.I thought that we were friends and his betrayal cut deeper than Levi’s, if you can believe that.Dr.Blake said that it was because I trusted him blindly, and he purposely kept me away from my family for himself.I don’t know why, but I carried a lot of guilt when I found out that I was still married to Levi and had slept with Brody.Then, to only get drunk and sleep with Levi while I was in a relationship with Brody.
With Brody, he made me feel safe and I felt tricked that someone whose sole purpose was to protect me was there to deceive me.He made it to where Levi missed the birth of our child and all the beginnings of her life; he’ll never get to have those moments back.
Brody had continued to try and contact me any way he could, but I just couldn’t be anywhere near him.It stings, and the bitterness is too fresh.When I gave him his wedding rings back, you’d thought I was ending a real marriage.I feel horrible because I know deep down that somewhere he thought he was doing the right thing, but I don’t think I could ever look past it or forgive him for it.A few weeks later, he brought Zeus and Ginger over stating that they’d gone into a depression, not having Halo and I around, and asked if I’d please take them to keep.Levi swears it’s just another attempt to keep tabs on me and something for me to remember him by.I gave him the hardest eye roll known to mankind.To my shock, Levi just smiled then took Halo outside to play with the dogs.The change I’ve seen in him over the last few months is nothing short of amazing, and a small part of me feels giddy inside like I did when we first met.
I think back to when I took Halo to the ranch, to tell Brody about us leaving with an army of security following.It seemed like something that needed to be done in person and not a conversation over the phone.It was a hard talk, but I’m glad I was able to say goodbye and thank him for everything he did for me and Halo, even though he hid the truth from us.Brody was still there when I needed someone to pick me up at the beginning.
“So, this is really it?You’re leaving for good?”Brody asks, as he pushes Halo on the swing.
I know that he thought of her as his own, but I still feel that betrayal of him not being this close to her if he’d just told us the truth from the beginning.
“Yes.We leave in a few hours.”
The silence is long and the only noise is Halo squealing.
“I think I always knew the moment he found you that this would never work,” Brody finally says, as the conversation hit a wall.“Even if I didn’t lie about everything.”
“You did?”I ask astonished.
“Yeah,” he pauses like he’s debating if he should tell me.“You talk a lot in your sleep.”I’ve always known that and hate it because I can’t control what comes out of my mouth.“He was always a topic or a single word when you slept.It was like you still needed him, even when you had me next to you.”
I can see the sadness in his eyes and even though Brody and I are at odds, I still hate seeing him this way.
“You’ll find someone, Brody, to love you and only you.You deserve to have a happily ever after with someone who doesn’t come with all this baggage.”
We stand in silence again for a while as Halo feeds the chickens one last time, and I finally feel at peace.Brody and I had a complicated friendship but, in the end, I know that we are going to be leaving on good terms.We may never cross paths again, or speak, but I’m okay with that.
I let Halo tell all the guys on the ranch bye and give hugs.A part of me is so sad to be leaving this behind, but the other part is glad to get my other life back.To not live in fear of being spotted and my cover blown.
