Page 68 of Levi
“Okay, fine.We’ll let it go, for now, but I do want you to have a conversation with her about Adam at some point.”
“Maybe we can do a joint session and you can tell her.”I cringe, thinking about having to speak to Saylor about her father.No one wants to hear what an asshole their father is.Trust me, I should know.
“I don’t mind and welcome the suggestion.”She pauses for a moment.“I have been instructed to tell you that Saylor and I have had a few sessions, but that is as far as I’m willing to speak on the matter.Saylor said that it was okay to mention it, and I wanted you to know that she is seeking counsel for what has happened over the past two years.”
“Thank god!”I reflect for a bit, trying to gather what this could mean.“Does she hate me?Is she interested in staying married to me?”I pry.What if she gets back to Los Angeles and files for divorce after we land?
“Mr.Thorne, you know that I can’t divulge my sessions with other clients unless they give permission to me in writing.What I can say is that what you and Saylor share is something special, and if she didn’t want to make that leap with you again then she wouldn’t.”
That is the best news I’ve heard in a while and can’t stop the smile from breaking across my face.
“Patience, Mr.Thorne.Remember, this needs to go at her pace,” Dr.Blake reprimands me.“She is still processing everything, and wants to make sure that this is the right move for her and Halo.”
Of course, she is.Saylor doesn’t do anything half assed.Especially when it comes to our baby.I just want her to need me as much as I need her.
“I see your wheels turning.What are you questioning in your head?”
“I just…Saylor is like my next breath.I wake up for her and every choice I make I have her and Halo’s best interest at heart.Sometimes I feel like she’s not…like she doesn’t need me as much as I need her.I guess I’m scared that she can walk away easier, if she doesn’t have that same need as I do.”
“Mr.Thorne, you still deal with a lot of insecurities about your relationship with Saylor, but from what I can see, it goes both ways,” she says, shocking me.Did Saylor say that or is this just Dr.Blake trying to soothe me?“From what I’ve learned about you and Saylor’s time apart, she waited over two years before she even tried to move on.Even then, she didn’t want to but thought she had to and was just settling.Does that sound like someone who just throws away someone or doesn’t need them as much as you do?”
She’s right.Saylor and I have talked about her dating Brody.She felt like it was the only way for her to try and get over the heartache.But she never really thought of Brody like that but she was stuck because she was ‘married’ to him and it might blow the cover if she did anything different.I hate that she thought she didn’t have any other options and I kick myself every day because of it.This was my mistake and one that I’ll never make again.
“I think there is something wrong with my body.I’m a total mess, ever since I came here.”I swear my body might not be able to endure country living much longer.
“What do you mean?”
“I cry.A lot,” I admit.Five years ago, I would’ve happily checked myself into a facility if I even thought of ever admitting this but now, I can freely say it and not worry.
“It’s called emotions, Mr.Thorne.Tell me, what brings it on?”
“Saylor.I blame Saylor for this.”I start.“Just the other day I was over at Glammy’s house around naptime, when Halo snuck out of her crib and found me sitting on the couch, reading over some potential houses that would make great rentals.I knew she was supposed to be in bed but it’s hard to say no to her when she gives me those sad, pleading eyes.Anyway, Saylor came in from the backyard and saw she was up playing dolls with me and she punished her.”
“Punished?How?”
“She made her stop playing and go back to her room and lay down.Halo cried the entire time, calling for me to save her.It was the absolute worst.Then, Saylor and I got into an argument, and she practically sent me back to Grandma’s house,” I tell her.When I look up to see if she agrees with me, Dr.Blake looks to be holding in a laugh.She’s laughing at me?
“Then what happened?”She barely is able to say without chuckling.I’m glad I pay her for this entertainment.
“I could hear Halo from across the hall, wailing for about ten minutes.That’s when I realized that I was crying too.”
“Mr.Thorne, I know it’s hard but being a parent isn’t always about having fun and playing.You have to show boundaries and set rules when it comes to kids, or they’ll never learn respect or understand what the word ‘no’ means.You want Halo to be a well-adjusted child who grows up to be independent, and respectful of others and things, correct?”I nod but hate that she’s making me have to be a bad guy like Saylor.“Then you’ll need to follow Saylor’s rules that she’s set.Maybe you both can sit down and discuss what they are and how would be the best way to share the responsibility.It’s not fair that Saylor has to always be the disciplinarian.”
“Oh, trust me, we have.I’m fully under theget in line or elseumbrella,” I mock.“And that’s not all.These Disney movies are just tear jerkers.I mean why does every movie have to have one of the parents die?”
I know that I still have a lot to work through with my own mother and father dying on me, but I can’t think about that right now and decide to change the subject.
“I’ve become a dog owner.”I perk up when saying so.
“Really?And how did this come about?I remember your reaction to being a dad, this any different except this is an animal?”she questions.
“Well, I didn’t really choose to be an owner, I’ve inherited two,” I tell her.
“Please elaborate.”
“Saylor and Halo both have German Shepherds that are attached to them, Zeus and Ginger.They had them when I came here to find my family.The dickweed has both dogs trained to never leave my girls’ side.Both Saylor and Halo love them, so that means that I have to love them.”
“If you don’t love the dogs that won’t make you a bad person, Mr.Thorne.”
