Page 65 of Levi
“Yeah, I have but that doesn’t justify the last two years.How could I ever trust anything out of your mouth again?”
We stand there looking at each other, and the more I look at him, the more betrayed I feel.
“Did you ever think of what this would do to Halo?Let’s say your plan worked and years down the road she’s old enough to understand, and thinks her own biological dad didn’t want her.Feels abandoned and unwanted.I’ve been there and know how that feels!”I scream, thinking about my own dad and all his disappearing acts he’s done.“How can you ever justify that?He missedeverythingwhile you swooped in and planted yourself right in that role.He never saw her birth, or first step or word.He didn’t get to rock her to sleep in the middle of the night in a storm.You stole all that from him because you wanted a family that was never yours!”
“Ready, Saylor?”Ryan interrupts me, and I nod.He ushers me to the passenger door and blocks Brody.I can’t deal with this anymore.I don’t think I’ll ever get past keeping a child from their parent.
I squeeze Ryan’s hand, then climb in the front seat of the SUV while he gets behind the wheel.After a few minutes of being on the road, I can’t help but ask the question that has been on my mind.
“So, the boss sent you here to get me?”
Ryan never takes his eyes from the road, but a small smirk plays on his mouth.
“No, he doesn’t know that I came.”
“Really?That doesn’t sound like the Levi I knew.”
“Last report was he was rocking baby Halo while she slept.”I ponder over that.“He’s changed a lot since losing you, Saylor.The boss has seen some dark days in the two years you’ve been gone.”
I can only imagine what this must have been like for him, knowing we were out there in the world and not be able to find us.I’d be devastated if the roles were reversed.
“Why were you there at the ranch then?”I ask, only a few miles from the house.
“Because, believe it or not, I do care about your safety and wellbeing, Saylor.I know I should’ve done more back then to help when you got arrested, and this is me making sure that nothing like that ever happens again.”He finally looks at me, and I know that Ryan and I are picking up right where we left off over two years ago.He has always been my sounding board when Levi and I had our disagreements, or if something came up at work.“I know you have some doubts about what was told to you yesterday, but I promise you that everything Mr.Thorne told you in the hotel was factual.We all have been looking night and day for you and baby Halo.”
“Thank you, Ryan.That means a lot.And I believe everything that you all told me.As hard as it was to hear, I’m glad to know that life really isn’t that cruel.”
Hopefully, once I can get some alone time to think things over, I’ll be able to figure out what the hell I’m going to do, now that everything has come to light.First thing I know for sure is that I need to talk with the grandparents and make sure Halo and I can stay for a while.I already know the answer, but still I don’t want to put anyone out.
Pulling up to the house, Ryan helps me with my bags and we head in.We walk in the living room with both grandparents, Everly, Linc and Alice all sitting there, almost in a circle, holding onto the baby monitor.Suddenly, I think something must be wrong when I see tears in their eyes, but when I get closer, I hear the most touching thing I’ve ever heard.Levi’s voice comes over the monitor and the screen shows him rocking our baby while singingYou Are My Sunshine.
My heart picks up in pace.This, right here, is what I imagined him doing when we first found out we were pregnant.There is nothing sexier than seeing a macho, badass, hotheaded man showing his child how much he loves them.
And it’s like falling in love with him all over again.
But this time, I’m going to take my time and not rush anything.
Levi
It’s been two months since I landed in Montana and found my family, and today is the day that we are all leaving to head back to Los Angeles.Dr.Blake has been in LA for a while and came back a few days ago.I haven’t needed to have a session, but I’m making time for one today.Saylor thought it was crazy that I wanted to have Dr.Blake up here the entire time.She said that if I needed a shrink that bad then I was in far worse shape than she thought, or I still wasn’t taking her advice.Either way, I needed to sort my shit out and start trusting in my judgement again, and the advice.With those words swirling around my head, I sent Dr.Blake home the next day.
“Mr.Thorne, tell me about how you’re feeling today,” she begins and starts jotting down words in her notebook.
“Happy, no thrilled but also nervous,” I answer as I lay on the sofa, with my hands behind my head in her hotel room.I never felt that I could be relaxed speaking with Dr.Jordan in his office, because I was afraid he’d run and tell my brother about all my issues.But ever since I started seeing Dr.Blake, I’ve become one that lounges out on a couch and spills the beans.
“Why nervous?I thought one of your goals was to have your family back in Los Angeles fulltime.”
“What if I screw this up again?But this time I reallydolose her.We’ve grown closer, and not just as a family, but as a couple.What if we change when we get back to LA?What if she remembers the hurt being too much and decides to change her mind?”
“What has brought the two of you close these past two months?”
“Obviously our shared love for our daughter, but it’s also the alone time we spend together when Halo’s napping.Things are almost back to normal.”
“You say almost?What does that mean?”
I roll my eyes this time and sigh.
“We have become friends this time around, instead of jumping the gun and cannonballing in the deep end, like last time.”I pause and think back over the past two months.“We haven’t been intimate since that first night and surprisingly, I’m okay with that.I don’t want to rush her or make her feel like that’s all I want from her.We just…talk.”
