Page 44 of Levi
“I don’t really care at this point.She can be the Queen of England, but I want it to be made clear that when we iron out some type of visitation that any of your flings are not to have any contact with my daughter.”I shoot a death glare to the woman, then back to Levi.
“Mrs.Thorne, I can assure you—”
“It’s Saylor, or hasn’t Levi told you that we’re divorced?I’m sure that the title might be yours if you play your cards right.”I can’t seem to stop myself at the pelting that keeps coming out of my mouth.My filter has long since left the building, but years of hurt and anger have festered for too long, and I’m on a rampage.
“Saylor stop it!”Levi yells from across the room, and makes his way over to us.“Sarah is not anything like that, she’s been my shrink for the past year.”
He pauses, and lets that settle in.
His shrink?Shrink.What happened to Dr.Jordan?Although, if he’d listen to me from the start, then he’d have dumped Dr.Jordan right after we married.
They both must see the confusion on my face and help me out.
“Mr.Thorne came into my services as a referral from Dr.Jordan,” Sarah starts.Her demeanor is really professional and calm.Toocalm for me.
Well, shit, color me surprised.Then my mind flashes back to everything I just said to her, and I’m ready to jump out the window at how I’ve been towards her.
“But the photos online?”My mind is reeling, trying to make sense of this information.Am I being made to look like a fool, or is this real?
“We both were at the same charity functions a few times and were talking when those were taken.They were very harmless and what they don’t show is my husband standing right next to me in all of them,” she confirms, and I take the moment to look down at her ring finger to see a wedding band set.She then presses a few buttons on her phone and swipes over a ton of photos of her and her husband.He’s older than her and balding.Don’t judge, Saylor!God, I feel one inch tall.
“I’m sorry for the things I said earlier, I thought—” I trail off.
“Apology accepted.”She looks over at Levi, then nods in my direction to get him to engage in our conversation.I’ve never known Levi to be so quiet before, and it’s a little weird.“Mr.Thorne, would you like for me to come back, or stay while you and Saylor have this discussion?”
“Alone.I’d like to have her alone,” he answers, never taking his eyes off of me.His intense stare causes me to squirm slightly, and I’m tempted to ask her to stay as a shield.
Sarah picks up her notepad from the side table and walks out the door.We are both still standing in the same spot, not moving.I’ve waited for this moment for a long time and now that it’s here, I can’t remember what I wanted to say, or yell at him for, that matter.Everything has been thrown out the window and my mind is blank.I was expecting one thing, and now that it wasn’t what I thought, the lack of wind has deflated my sails.
“What happened to Dr.Jordan?”I ask as the door closes behind Dr.Sarah Blake.The woman who I thought for the last eight months was my husband’s new shiny trophy.
“She wasn’t working for me anymore.The more I saw her, the more I knew that she wasn’t helping.Sarah, or Dr.Blake as she prefers, has really helped me deal with a lot of past issues.”
There is silence and only the hum of the room’s air conditioner fills the void.
“She specializes in abandonment and early childhood traumas,” he blurts out, and my eyes widen.Levi never wanted to admit that he had issues of abandonment and trauma as a kid, and it shocks me that he was admitting it now.“When I first met with her, she was able to breakdown a lot of my walls because I was so broken, with not being able to find you and Halo, that I spilled the beans to a complete stranger.”
Levi lets out a slight chuckle.
“Dr.Blake likes to keep things very professional, and decided to take me on as I conquered my past.”
Swallowing hard, I can’t help but feel my cold heart melt slightly after hearing that.
“Linc and I even moved our parent’s grave here and found some of my mother’s family.I haven’t contacted them, but I have their information if I wanted to.It was something that I wanted to do with you when we found each other.”
“That’s great Levi, really.I’m glad that someone was able to help you overcome that trauma.I know it couldn’t have been easy,” I softly say.He shrugs as if it’s no big deal, but for Levi who bottles everything up and hates to talk about himself, this is huge.
After my mom died from cancer, my dad and grandparents made sure to get me some help.I was a preteen who didn’t understand how to we went to seeing her every day to never seeing the person you loved the most ever again.Everly came along, shortly after her passing, and we latched onto each other and never let go.
Levi didn’t get the same help.I think that the Thornes thought he was too small to have any issues or trauma from his parents dying, ultimately from the guilt of his sister’s tragedy, to see that he needed someone to talk with.Yes, his brother Linc was there, but he was a kid too and they shouldn’t have had to carry that weight around all by themselves.Levi internalizes everything until it boils over.His brother has always taken the brunt of anything that ever popped up, but it made it to where Levi wasn’t processing and overcoming the hurdles he was facing, just tamping them down further.I always thought Dr.Jordan placed Band-Aids over Levi’s internal battles.When I tried to bring up moving to a different therapist, he squashed it.So I stayed quiet, because at least he was seeing someone.
“I knew that I had a daughter out there and if I was going to be the father she needed me to be, then I needed to get my shit together and put to bed all of my demons.”
“You’re going to be a great dad, no matter about your past.Halo only needs to be loved and cared for.Everything else comes day by day.”
He lifts one side of his mouth, and I find myself doing the same.
“Would you like something to drink?”Levi offers, breaking the silence.
