Page 30 of How to Seduce a Viscount
‘I am being truthful.’ Luce’s reply was sharp. ‘Which isnotthe thing you treasure most.’
Family, belonging, being loved. Those were her treasures. He was stripping them from her with his words and she could not stop him. ‘No, it is not. I find the truth can be overrated. The truth is subjective. It is easily twisted and misunderstood. But at least I don’t hide from my feelings. I know exactly what I want and what I feel, even when it is risky to do so.’ How about that for a little truth telling, she thought. Two could play this game. If he insisted on deconstructing her psyche, she could do the same and he could see how he liked it.
‘I do not hide my feelings,’ Luce countered.
She smirked. ‘You do it all the time, especially when you’re hurting or scared. If you don’t believe me, answer me this. What did you do this summer after Stepan disappeared?’ When Luce said nothing, she supplied the answer. ‘You came to Tillingbourne and threw yourself into plans to restore the library. Except for earlier this evening, you’ve not talked about Stepan at all even though I know his loss is killing you. Instead of addressing those feelings, you’ve buried yourself in work here at Tillingbourne writing your grandfather’s memoir. Trying to prove yourself even though you’ve already done so a thousand times over. You’re doing it again tonight with me.’ He wasfocusing on the work, the interrogation and the facts instead of what his heart was feeling.
She bit her lip, her own hurt showing through as she laid the truths out. All she wanted to do was go to him, to take him in her arms and soothe away the hurt. To put joy back in his eyes when he looked at her. He’d been her hero tonight. He’d saved her when she couldn’t save herself, just as he had that first night. She wanted to tell him that her feelings for him hadn’t changed because of tonight. But he would not have her, not now. For him, everything had changed tonight. Whatever had existed between them was finished and done. All that remained was to tell the last truth.
‘We had something brilliant and bright between us, something wondrous I’ve not experienced anywhere ever, with anyone. Not just passion but a connection. Tonight offered some revelations that have been difficult to process and you are unwilling to process them. We haven’t discussed one thing even remotely interpersonal about what happened this evening, only the business of the evening, because that is what Luce Parkhurst does when his emotions get too difficult for him to handle.’
The conversation was getting out of control. He was not going to be told ‘truth’ about who he was from a woman who’d deceived him twice. Luce rose. ‘I don’t have to listen to this. My brother is out there. I need to pack and make preparations for leaving in the morning. Trap or not, I have to get to him.’
She rose with him, grabbing his arm. ‘Ihave to get to him. Have you not heard a word I’ve said? It could be a trap. It is better that I go, I am not a Horseman. If the worst happens, I am expendable. I am already lost to the network anyway. This is exactly why your grandfather didn’t want you to know. He knew you’d go charging in.’
‘Itisa rather natural response to discovering your brother is in danger,’ Luce groused.
‘We don’t even know if itisStepan. It could just be bait to draw you out.Iam being sent to do the preliminary scouting. Not you.’
To keep him safe. Because his grandfather loved him. Luce was starting to regret his earlier words, challenging her claim to his grandfather’s affections out of his own insecurities. She’d hurt him badly tonight and he’d struck out in equal measure.
‘That was before you were wounded.’ Luce took a steadying breath against his emotions, against her touch. ‘You saw for yourself tonight you are not fully recovered. If you were attacked again you wouldn’t be able to fend anyone off.’ And yet she’d almost managed to elude two men while dressed in a . Still, ‘almost’ didn’t count when weapons were involved. ‘You can’t possibly think to manage on your own.’
‘Neither can you.’ Her eyes flashed quicksilver. ‘You don’t know where you’re going. Last I checked, Essex was a pretty big area.’ But she knew, of course. It was one more thing she’d not told him. She was going to hold that piece of information as leverage until she had what she wanted from him.
‘If I say we’ll go together, will you tell me?’ Luce sighed.
She shook her head. ‘No. You will simply leave without me. I’ll wake up tomorrow morning and you’ll be gone. Or the next morning at an inn.’
‘What does it matter? You’ll just follow me anyway,’ Luce argued.
‘This could be a dangerous journey. We should stay together. We don’t know who or what will be waiting for us at the end of it. Your grandfather will be furious I’ve broken my word to him and told you. The least I can do is keep you safe.’
‘Grandfather will be furious his best agent has been wounded and attacked twice. The leastIcan do is keepyousafe,’ Luce replied dryly.
Wren stuck out her hand. ‘Travel truce then? We’ll find Stepan and then we will be free of each other.’
Luce shook her hand, his emotions a mixture of sadness and regret—regret that things could not be different and had not been different. ‘Truce. Get some sleep. We’ll ride as soon as the sun is up.’
He poured himself a brandy after she left. He could live with sadness and regret if it meant Stepan might lie at the end of the journey. He ought to be filled with elation. The puzzle of his missing brother could be on the brink of being solved. Surely, that was worth losing Wren—Falcon.
Another compromise on top of the compromises he’d already made. It should not surprise him. His life was littered with them. It was how many men’s lives were lived, not just his. It was the way of the world. The way men like him advanced. He ought not find it so chafing. He was a Horseman because loyalty to his brothers and family demanded it. In return, there was fulfilment in the travel and in using his elite skills in service to his country.
To be fair, he did not come away from it empty-handed. He would be the married Viscount Waring in a few months because the loyalty of responsibility to the village of Little Albury and Tillingbourne estate demanded it. The crown demanded it. His grandfather’s efforts for his future demanded it. And again he did not come away without benefit. In exchange he had a title and the social privilege that went with it. He had a home of his own to shape to his tastes, a community to look after and a legacy to leave to a son.
He sat down behind his desk. Truly, he ought to be more grateful. It was just that every time he found a way to break free, to stand apart, something happened to drag him back in and tiethe bonds more tightly. All of it came with a personal cost and every time he paid the price. This time, the price would be Wren. He’d let the fantasy of what might have been get the better of him. He’d forgotten one of the cardinal rules of the game—that no one was ever all they seemed. He’d not known her as well as he thought. She was indeed capable of hiding things from him. Not just once, but twice. And he’d proven capable of believing her when she’d said otherwise.
That was a deadly combination. It could get someone killed, probably him. Such a mistake had nearly gotten Kieran killed. The damnable thing was, Luce had successfully remembered that rule for twelve years and followed it to perfection, keeping his relationships physical, smoothly pleasant, void of any deep ties and disclosures. Why the hell hadn’t he followed his own rules with her? Why had he allowed his heart to be engaged?Whenhad he allowed it?
Perhaps he hadn’t allowed anything. Perhaps his heart had gone on its own volition. Perhaps he’d never really had any say in it. Wren was charming. Her successful track record as an intelligence agent for his grandfather suggested he was not the first man who’d been swept up in her charms or lost his heart. But damn it all if he didn’t want to be the last. And that seemed intolerable. He couldnotfall in love with a woman who betrayed him.
He ought to write to his grandfather, to tell him what transpired in the stable yard tonight and what had resulted. He dipped his pen but for the first time, the words wouldn’t come. He’d been hammered with emotional blows tonight. Stepan was alive—possibly. Wren was Falcon. Both of those revelations were earth shattering to him, but tonight it was the revelation of her identity as Falcon that his mind focused on—yet another secret she’d kept from him.
Should he hate her for the secret? Or celebrate her for all that he owed her over the years? He may have saved her life on his doorstep but how many times had Falcon’s information allowed the Horsemen to succeed? Kept the Horsemen safe? Kept soldiers safe and countless others? Falcon was everywhere and nowhere. Of course, no one expected Falcon to be a woman. Even when she’d stood beside him the night they’d cracked the Ottoman code, discussing Greece and practically exposing her hand, Luce had not thought twice about who Falcon might be. He’d said, instead, ‘I thought only Falcon had gone that far south…’ Had she laughed about that afterwards? He wouldn’t blame her if she had.
She’d been responsible for getting Celeste to England, to a Horseman safely, and it had been her own downfall. Kieran had a wife because of her. Roan, whose unscrupulous arms sales were a threat to peace in Europe, was dead because of her. Caine had fired the pistol, but her information had put it all in motion.
His conscience pricked. Now, she was being punished for that act of kindness to Celeste. Grandfather was forcing her out. He was sorry for that, although he’d not been empathetic tonight. To Luce’s shame, he was punishing her too. He’d been mean. Overwhelmed with his own feelings of betrayal because he cared for her and because he wanted more from her than perhaps she was capable of giving under the circumstances. There was truth in her argument that she was just doing her job. His ego had not liked the realisation that when the moment of decision had come she’d chosen the job over him.
