Page 31 of How to Tempt An Earl
‘All thanks to you, miss,’ Mrs Hanson would say. ‘You’ve brought us all back to life.’
It was not just the staff, which now boasted several newly hired and rehired faces, or the dusty, neglected house, but Celeste had brought herself back to life as well for a short time. She was like the leaves turning in the autumn in a last brilliant sweep of colour before they dried up and were blown away. Deep down, she had to face the truth: these days at Wrexham would be her last with Kieran.
Despite the engagement ruse, she would have to leave, although it was easy to set that aside in the moment of the day. The key to any good fantasy was complete immersion and she’d mastered that, throwing herself into the role of lady of the house. She had a routine: hacking out each morning with Kieran before breakfast, then breakfast and meeting with Mrs Hanson. There were various projects to oversee in the mornings and then calls in the afternoon before dinner. She was good at running a large home; her boarding school education had seen to that. She enjoyed the challenges and planning that came with it. And it pleased her to please Kieran, to make this house a gift to him—a parting gift.
She regretted none of it except knowing that this time with him was not sustainable. Perhaps that was why she held on to the days so tightly and threw herself into her role so thoroughly. The perfection of these days was precious, but it wouldn’t last. Therein, she thought, lay the reason for their perfection, for their preciousness: they were rare and short-lived, like the vibrant colours of leaves on the newly trimmed trees of the lime alley.
Today, she and Kieran were celebrating that foliage with a picnic on Wrexham land, and the day could not have been more perfect for such an outing. There was a coolness on the air as she and Kieran lay staring up at a crisp blue sky, the remnants of their impromptu picnic packed away in their saddlebags. The day was too nice to be indoors, Kieran had argued, and she’d needed little persuasion. Riding round the land at the Hall was becoming a delight, each bridleway a little more curated each day thanks to the newly hired stable staff. While she’d been busy in the house, Kieran had been equally busy with the grounds and the stables.
‘Landownership suits you,’ she said as she snuggled against him. It was just cool enough to appreciate the warmth of another body.
‘It’s a thankless task and a never-ending one.’ Kieran brushed off the compliment but she heard the pride in his voice and how pleased he was with her words. He stretched and wrapped an arm about her. ‘I did not think I’d like running an estate. More to the point, I did not think I’d like running this one.’
Her fingers played idly on his chest. ‘Because you felt the title and the estate were recompense for Stepan?’
He nodded. ‘I didn’t want to like Wrexham but I do. There is work to be done here and there is a lot of potential that has not yet been tapped. This property could be a real legacy.’ He was thinking of a family, a son or two to leave it all for. She loved listening to him talk like this, letting his thoughts and dreams play out. Through his words, she could see Wrexham Hall come alive. Those dreams danced in his eyes as he looked up at the sky and she had to look away. Those were dreams she could not be part of.
‘The community would benefit,’ he went on. ‘There’s coal here. If I rented out coal fields, we could bring more business to the area and create more jobs, more trade. Coal is going to be in high demand over the next few years.’
‘You’ll do it. You will do it all,’ she encouraged, the familiar reminder flaring to life that she would not be here to see it. She tried not to think about that and most days she was successful.
‘I suppose that’s a rather long response to whether or not I’ve enjoyed being a landowner these past weeks.’ He gave a chuckle, laughing at himself.
‘What of you?’ He raised himself up on an elbow, his gaze lingering on her face as if searching for something. ‘Have you enjoyed these weeks running the house? I admit that I had not planned to put such responsibility on your shoulders. It was not intentional when I blurted out our ruse. I want you to know that.’
‘I know,’ she replied carefully, sensing that the question led to something more. ‘I have enjoyed it.’
She paused, debating her next words. This was a chance to assure him she’d not been put out, and also a chance to remind him that nothing had changed between them or could change. Even if he might have forgotten it for the moment, she had not.
‘When I ran Roan’s household, there was no joy in it once I understood his intentions. It was all strategy. I felt like a general commanding troops for corrupt purposes. I’d plan meals for men who were in the business of killing, of harming their fellow man. I’d organise entertainments for men who deliberately made war. That made me complicit in Roan’s evil. But here, my efforts are put to good. That pleases me. I like having a purpose.’
‘It suits you. Mrs Hanson swears you’re a marvel.’ Kieran grinned. ‘I think you’re a marvel too. Likely for different reasons, though.’
He gave a wicked laugh that had her thinking of the nights spent in his big bed. She would miss those nights. She needed to be careful here; the look in his eyes was worrisome. He was contemplating diverging from their predetermined path. Being at home,hishome, was affecting him. No doubt, he was reconsidering his stance on avoiding marriage now that he’d lived at Wrexham and seen its potential. He needed a wife. It was natural to look in her direction—she was close at hand. But it could not be her. She would need to maintain objective detachment for them both before this went too far.
‘I am glad you’re pleased. I want things in good order before I go so that you’ll have something to build on.’ She smiled to soften the introduction of a difficult topic. She did not want him to guess how much it cost her to say the words, how much it hurt to think of him moving on with his life without her, or to think of him bringing another here and having that other take over the work she’d begun. If he suspected how hard it was, he would use that to persuade her.
He met the mention of her leaving with equanimity. She’d not expected that. She’d expected an outburst, an angry protest. Instead, he kissed her fingers, each one in slow consideration, and posed the question that haunted her whenever she thought about going. ‘What if you stayed?’
‘What ifs’ were dangerous ground, full of make-believe and things that simply couldn’t come true. She pulled her hand away. ‘Don’t do that, Kieran. Don’t play at such possibilities. You and I both know what we’re doing here. We’re playing house. We’ve created an incredible game of make-believe and we are falling for our own fantasies.’
‘Make-believe?’ He sat up, offended at her words. Now she had a rise out of him. ‘Do you really think that when we make love it’s all pretend?’
She sat up too. She didn’t want to quarrel with him. Their time together was too fleeting to waste it sparring over the inevitable. But the inevitablemustbe discussed and they’d been putting it off since the night she’d given him the first half of the list. ‘Playing house doesn’t put off Roan riding down the road towards us.’ That was the most obvious reason they had to discuss.
There was a light in his eyes, a slow smile curling on his mouth. She wondered what trap she had sprung. ‘What if Roan never comes? It’s possible. I have made connections with people who caught him the first time—Preston Worth, who manages the coastguard, and Sir Liam Casek. If Worth can catch Roan before he even lands, or Casek can stop him in London, he will never come down our road. What do you say to that? Surely, that changes everything?’
It was a large assumption, though. ‘Even if it were true, it wouldn’t be enough,’ she said softly, hating to play the devil’s advocate, but such an advocate was desperately needed when one stayed in a fantasy world too long. ‘It doesn’t change the fact that you’re a Horseman. There is the list. You have a brother to avenge and there will be missions after that. You can never solely be the lord of the manor.’
‘Can you not live with that duality?’ Kieran questioned. ‘It did not seem to be a concern on the road or up until now.’
‘It didn’tmatterup until now. On the road, what we had between us was only an affair, two people taking comfort with one another during a crisis. Even here at Wrexham, this was to be a ruse with an end. There was no need to contemplate the future. The future comes with different expectations than the present does.’ Life with a Horseman, life with a man who would always keep her safe while constantly putting himself in danger, would mean never completely getting away from the world she’d run from. She’d merely be on the other side of it.
‘Don’t you think it could end another way?’ Kieran prompted.
‘Doyou? Really, Kieran? I think you’re caught in the fantasy of playing house. A few weeks ago, you were determined not to wed, as I was. Have you forgotten that neither of us are the marrying type? Now we’re trying to convince ourselves otherwise simply because what we have at present is…nice.’
‘Nice?’ He snorted at that. ‘We have something better thannicebetween us, Celeste.’
