Page 38 of How to Tempt An Earl
‘I’m glad you’ve come,’ Kieran offered. ‘Although I am surprised Mary allowed it. Aren’t you supposed to be setting up house at Longstead?’
‘You’re my brother. I will always come as long as there is breath in my body. Mary understood that when we wed.’ But Kieran wondered if perhaps Mary hadn’t expected to have those words put to the test so soon.
‘You’re a good man, Caine. Remind me to thank her when I see her next,’ Kieran said quietly and moved to embrace him. Luce was right: there was no greater treasure than a brother’s love. ‘If you will excuse me now, I am going to go up and make sure Celeste is all right. It is good to have you both here.’ He meant that. He was going to need them in more ways than one to get through whatever came next.
* * *
Celeste was dreading that knock on her door as much as she was hoping, wanting, to see Kieran stride through the connecting door between their chambers. Tonight had been dreadful in its extremes. She’d gone from the euphoria of the ball, of almost convincing herself that she could embrace the new direction Kieran had outlined for them, to the crashing reality that she could not escape her fate and who she was. She didn’t know exactly what that might entail or require, only that some way, somehow, they could do it. Then that had blown away as quickly as it had been built. That was what happened to all houses built of straw—quickly assembled, quickly destroyed. The Horsemen, their business and their suspicions were here in this house, the house that was to have been hers. One should be safe in one’s own house. But Caine Parkhurst had been relentless in making her feel otherwise.
The handle of the door moved and she sat up straighter, steeling herself. ‘Celeste?’ came Kieran’s whisper as he stepped into her room. ‘Are you still up?’
‘Did you think I could sleep with your brothers and their doubts downstairs?’ she said sharply. He needed to know she’d not taken their conjecture lightly. ‘Your youngest brother is a flirt, by the way.’
‘I spoke to him about it. It won’t happen again.’ Kieran gave a soft laugh but she cut it off. There was nothing to laugh about at present.
‘And your other brother—the Marquess? Did you speak with him about his suspicions?’ She needed Kieran to see their arrival in the same dark light she did and to understand that tonight was not an anomaly.
‘I did take him to task for it. He should not have—’
‘Spoken his mind?’ she interrupted. ‘You cannot censor him. Nor should you.’
‘I should when he speaks poorly of the woman I care for, the woman I intend to marry.’ Kieran came towards her but she moved from the chair to the window, dodging him. ‘I will always defend you, Celeste.’
She shook her head, looking out into the night. The moon was bright. It would be good for travelling. ‘You should not have to defend your wife against your brothers. You love them. You should not have to choose between them and me. Defending me will only cause a rift that will grow over time. Do you think this is the only time you’ll have to do that? It won’t be. The echoes of Roan and the echoes of your brother, of that list, will ripple long after this situation is resolved. I will always be Roan’s ward to them, always connected to a dark time in their lives.’
‘Celeste, Caine was out of order. He was tired; he’d come from his honeymoon.’
She whirled from the window. ‘Do not make excuses for him and what he thinks. This is exactly what I’m talking about.’ She would tear him and his brothers apart and she would not be responsible for that. Such a rift would steal Kieran’s happiness.
‘What do you want me to do?’ Kieran held out his hands in a gesture of bewildered helplessness but there was heat and anger in his voice.
‘There is nothing you can do. You can’t change who I am, what I’ve done, who I’ve been with or what they think. But you can accept that I won’t fit here and that all the hopes and dreams we’ve been playing with are just that. It’s time for them to end.’
She drew a shaky breath. ‘I think it is best for all of us if I leave. The Horsemen will keep Roan busy. Roan will believe that I am still with you. It will be enough time for me to slip away to the coast and sail to Dublin and go on from there. I may need passage. I hate to ask—’
‘Stop.’ His tone was thunderous. ‘You are going nowhere. I do not want you out there, alone.’ He randomly flung an arm out towards the window. ‘Knowing that Roan is out there, wanting his best weapon back. He doesn’t care about the list; he cares aboutyou. He needs you to sit at his table and charm his compatriots. I won’t stand for that. You are not his tool.’
She gave him a smug smile. ‘You won’t control me? You won’t act as if you possess me or make decisions for me? You’re acting just like every other man I’ve known.’
His face clouded. That had got to him. ‘The difference is that I love you.’ He growled the words. ‘I want to see you safe.’
Under other circumstances, hearing those three words,I love you, would have meant the earth. But tonight, she simply had to ignore them.
‘Then let me go. I can take care of myself. You take care of Roan so that I can be safe,’ she argued.
Kieran sighed, something in him seeming to stand down from the anger rising between them. ‘It’s late. The night has been full of emotions, both good and bad. We are not thinking plainly. Perhaps we should discuss this in the morning with cooler heads.’
She gave a nod of agreement. ‘Perhaps we should.’ He’d unwittingly given her what she wanted, what she needed—time and space to do what needed to be done. ‘Goodnight, Kieran,’ she said softly for the last time.
‘Goodnight, Celeste. I’ll see you in the morning,’ he said, gently closing the connecting door behind him. A few moments later, she heard his footsteps in the hall, going to check on his brothers no doubt. She was glad they were here for him. He would need them. The morning would break his heart…for now. This was going to end for her the way it had begun: on her own. There was nothing for it.
She pulled her valise out from under the bed and began to pack quickly. She told herself it was because time was of the essence. Kieran would come back upstairs and she feared if she lingered, let the heat of anger cool, she’d change her mind. But leaving was the right choice, the best choice for her and Kieran. She wrapped her mother’s pearls and the miniature in the cotton folds of a spare chemise to keep them safe and tucked them at the bottom of the bag.
She would not come between Kieran and his brothers. He loved them. His family meant everything to him. He’d told her endless stories about them because they were integral to his life, to who he was. He needed them more than he needed her. They would keep him safe and they would get him through whatever heartbreak he might imagine for himself afterwards. And then he’d move on. Just as she was moving on tonight.
She would do her part to keep him safe. Caine had not been wrong about Roan’s incentive to come after her. It had occurred to her that Kieran was only inimmediatedanger because of her. If she left, she could protect them both. If she was gone, Roan would come after her; she could draw him away. She should have stuck to her original plan. She’d never meant to get involved with a Horseman, or perhaps the reverse was true—she’d never meant to involve a Horseman with her. She’d only meant to warn them and give them a tool in their quest to bring Roan down.
Celeste snapped the valise shut and began to struggle with the laces of her gown. It felt momentous to take it off, the last step in setting aside the life that had been hers for a short while. She changed into her travelling clothes. They were clean but they felt old and worn after a month of wearing fine garments. She lifted her skirt and felt at the hem for the last of the list. She would fulfil her end of the bargain and leave it for him.
