Page 34 of Mated to the Gargoyle
ANYA
Backin my apartment,Ipaced through the small space, crossing my arms across my chest asItried to process everythingI’dlearned over the last few days.Itwas enough to make me want to run to the top ofMont-Royaland scream to the stars.
Myparents had died in the fire.Hugohad tried to rescue them, but he couldn’t.He’drescued me.Iowed my life to him and yet?—
Itwas all too much.
Isank onto the sofa and lowered my head into my hands.Ifhe’d chosen them instead.If…
“No!”Icouldn’t do this.Couldn’thandle this knowledge on top of all the years of survivor’s guilt.Itthreatened to launch me into a full-blown meltdown.
Ihad to get out of here.Theapartment walls were too confining.Theitch to crawl out of my skin too rampant.Iran outside.Ranthrough the park, ran down the residential streets with pedestrians and buildings and cars at my side all a blur.SinceIwasn’t in condition to run,Ipanted for breath, the air burning my lungs.Iwalked quickly untilIreached the banks of theSt.LawrenceRiverand had nowhere left to go.Iwanted to escape all these thoughts colliding in my head, butIcouldn’t outrun them.
Ibent over, gasping for breath beneath the scorchingly hot sunlight.WhatcouldIdo now?
Forwhat felt like hours,Iwandered along the river, past joggers and families pushing strollers.Imeandered down toVieux-Montreal, walking over cobblestone as the scents from numerous cafes and restaurants surrounded me.Ahorse-drawn carriage clopped by me from the opposite direction just beforeIgaped at what must have been the site of the recent fire.Numeroustourists stared at the burned structure, which stood out as tragic among the impressive cathedrals and stunning architecture of the area.
Ileaned my back against a brick building, staring at the damage.Thefire was out, the structure taped off and boarded up.Itstood broken, a gaping wound of what once was sound and solid.JusthowIfelt inside.
* * *
Thenext day,Iattempted to return to my normal life, back at work, back in the library.Couldthings go back to the way they were before the intruders had breached the library?Backto whenI’dthought the gargoyle statues were mere stone?
Thegargoyles stood on watch outside, andHugoor his statue stood near my desk inside, as he always had.Washe in there, watching?
WhileIforced myself to work at the reference desk, straining to put on a cheerful demeanor asIinteracted with patrons and answered their questions,Istole glances at the stone protector who stood solid nearby.Itried to assure myself thatI’dmade the right decision by running away.
Wewere too different.Ididn’t fit inHugo’sworld.Ididn’t even know one like that existed, let alone the bond he said he felt for me.HethoughtIwas his mate?What.The.Hell?Thatconnection was so strong.Sointense.
Thepain in his eyes on the rooftop beforeIran would forever be seared on me—as would the phenomenal night we’d shared in his bed.Thatwas somethingI’dnever forget.I’dnever dreamed my body would feel soalive.IthoughtIwas too repressed to let go.Butthe wayHugohad taken control and driven me to the edge with the wildest sensations introduced me to a side of meIhadn’t known existed.
Iwinced.Nothelping.
Right.EachtimeIpicturedHugo’seyes, it chiseled away at my attempt to shield myself by withdrawing.Thinkingabout how hot our night had been wouldn’t help me to adjust back to a safe world in which demi-demons and gargoyles and witches and spell books and damn prophecies didn’t exist.
Ineeded a separation from all those wild discoveries soIcould assess them from a healthy distance.Beingin the midst of so much unimaginable action over the last several days wasn’t an experienceIwas used to, let alone be comfortable with.Iexplored new worlds and experienced epic fantasies from my books, safely away in my favorite reading chair here in the library, nestled from the world in a protective cocoon.WhenIneeded a breather,I’dclose the book.
That’sallIwas doing now, right?Takinga break from this—whatever this wild ride was withHugo.OnceIsettled my racing pulse,Icould reopen the book and continue reading.
Ascowl worked its way across my face as cracks broke through my rationalization.Thiswasn’t a bookIcould simply close and deal with whenIwas ready.Thatworld of otherworldly beings existed, whetherIwanted to face the truth or not.
Sincediscovering it, everything had changed.
Ihad changed.
AndI’dfreaked out in doing so.
Apart of me squirmed whenIpictured how stricken he’d looked.He’dput on a brave face as he attempted to assuage my shock, but his pain was visible through the cracks in his good-natured appearance.
Butwhat couldIdo?Icouldn’t simply accept everything that flew in the face of whatIthought was real.Icouldn’t ignore all the issues that had developed from my past and jump into the arms of a manI’djust met.
Still,manwasn’t quite the right word.
Wasit foolish to have stayed in his room?Sure, spending the time with him was amazing, unforgettable, yetIshould’ve knownIwasn’t cut out to have a short-term fling.Icouldn’t separate my heart from my body.Icraved an emotional connection with my partner.
Andapparently,Hugodid as well.
Idropped my head into my hands and groaned.Whatwas wrong with me?Ishould have known better than to take a chance on something withHugo.SinceIhadn’t had a healthy relationship with another human, what made me thinkIcould have even contemplated one with a gargoyle?
