Page 58 of Match My Fall
Heshook his head. “That’snot what you said.Yousaid she wanted time and space.Youcan still give her that but let her know you’re there for her whenever she needs you.”
Igroaned. “Orshe’ll thinkI’ma creepy stalker who won’t leave her alone.”
AfterIleft the pub,Itrekked through the valley, tormenting myself with more reminders of walks and shared meals withCassandra.Iavoided returning to my cabin since it was the hardest location to face without her.Myformer sanctuary now mocked me with its coldness.
Eventually,Iforced myself to return.ThesecondIopened the door,Iinstinctively sniffed, searching for a hint of her scent to comfort me.Ortorment me.Samedifference at this point.
ThenIentered my cabin—now marked with memories of a night of passion withCassandra; the night we’d conceived our child.Thefour walls of this space echoed with emptiness.Itwas cold in here with the winds howling outside.Ilit a fire to warm the space.Flamescrackled in the hearth, casting flickering shadows across the cabin but did little to counter the desolation that settled into my bones.
Isank onto the worn couch, my mind plagued by longing.Theweight of loneliness crushed me like an avalanche.Todistract myself,Iplayed music—letting the app shuffle through a playlist of songsIliked.WhenDefLeppard’s“Bringin’ on theHeartbreak” played,Iscowled.
“Areyou reading my mind?”Iasked aloud. “Findingthe right song to fit my inner turmoil?Orare you screwing with me?”
WhowasItalking to?Okay, nowIwas really losing it—questioning the motive of a music playlist was a sure sign of a madman.Voicingthose questions out loud confirmed it.
Whennight finally draped over the mountains,Iremoved my clothes and shifted to wolf form outside.Thewind howled as it rustled the trees, as biting as the emptiness swelling beneath my fur.
Mywolf ran up the incline as desperate with longing as me.Hepounded on all fours through the forest as if he could burn through this suffering while the full moon seemed to mock us overhead.Thesolitude in the mountains, once my solace, offered no comfort without my mate.
Graysonwas right.Ihad to go back toCassandraand offer everythingIcould give her.Andif she didn’t want me…
Igulped.Thatwas a life sentence of agonyI’dbe forced to bear.
CASSANDRA
“Mommy, when are we going to seeValenagain?”Paige’sinnocent voice pierced the air asImade dinner, catching me off guard.
Iturned from the stove whereI’dbeen cooking spaghetti and meatballs. “I’mnot sure, sweetheart,”Ireplied, forcing a smile. “Hewent home.”Guiltwashed over me sinceI’dbeen the one to ask him to return to theWhiteMountains.
Shetipped her head. “Canwe visit him and go skiing?Hesaid we could.”
Abig part of me wanted to do that—seeValen—asIalready missed him so much.ButI’dasked for time for a reason—Ineeded the space to process everything going on.Beingpregnant was a huge adjustment as it was.LearningIwas his mate was another massive revelation.Wecouldn’t jump from a fling in the mountains to such a huge commitment, on top of trying to figure out how we’d raise our child.
“I’llask the next timeItalk to him.”Whenwould that be?Ichewed my lip as uncertainty gnawed at me.Istill hadn’t toldPaigeabout my pregnancy.I’daskedThornenot to say anything to her yet, and he hadn’t appeared to have told her.
Witheach day that passed,Iquestioned whatI’ddone.Ithought work would distract me, but seeingLucasandZoetogether struck a painful chord deep inside of me.Althoughthey couldn’t be more opposite, their admiration for each other was clear.BothPandoraandNovahad also made a commitment to their mates, and they also seemed happy.
Wasit possible thatI’dmade a mistake by askingValento leave?HadIlet the fear from my past heartbreak withThorneaffect my chances of finding happiness in my future?
Thatnight, afterPaigewent to bed, the emptiness of my living room engulfed me.ImissedValen.Althoughwe hadn’t known each other long, it seemed clear that the fates wanted us together.WhywasIbeing a fool to push away something that could be so right?
Along night stretched before me.I’dgo to bed alone, again.Theimplications of my decisions gnawed at me, adding to the ever-increasing doubts, questions, and regrets.
Isank onto the couch and placed my hand on my stomach.Whatdid the future hold for our child?Valenhad said we’d figure it out together, butI’dput a halt to that with this insistence that we spend some time apart.I’dthought it would help me find clarity, but it also made me realize how muchImissed him.AlthoughI’dbeen shocked when the shifterI’dspent the night with on a ski trip showed up inSalem, nowIremembered the times we’d spent here sharing meals, walks, and conversations as among the happiest in years.
Ratherthan being swamped by the fear of parenting a child alone again,IpicturedValenin the park withPaigeand me.Iheard our laughter in my mind.Wecould have more moments like that—Paigewith a younger sibling.Thefour of us would be a family.
Yes, it was reckless to fall for someone so quickly and start a family with him when we barely knew each other.ButIknew his character and that he had a good, kind heart.Hewasn’t anything likeThorne, who was calculating and manipulative.Allthe little things aboutValenI’dlearn in time, like his favorite color or book.Didthat even matter?Hewoke a part of me thatIthought had been destroyed for good afterThorne.Valentouched my soul and won my heart.Iwanted to embrace the possibilities of a future with him rather than succumb to the fear of what could go wrong.
MaybeIshould consider whatPaigeasked about visitingValenin theWhiteMountains.I’dfigure out the next step tomorrow.Decisionswere easier to make after a night of sleep rather than looping through doubts alone in the darkness.
VALEN
Thesnow-covered peaks of the mountains stretched before me.Thishad been my home for many years, but the hollowness that grew inside me couldn’t be ignored.Thequiet solitude of my cabin in the woods no longer provided a comfortable haven; it was too empty and too cold.Itwas time to say goodbye to my life here and move on.Itwas time to go toCassandrainSalem.
Iattempted to keep the goodbyes brief.Afterall,Ihad no idea what would happen withCassandra.Shemight not want me there and then what?WouldIreturn here brokenhearted and rejected?Igulped.Thatwasn’t somethingIcould contemplate yet.
Ifinally toldDamonaboutCassandrabeing my mate.
