Page 7 of Violet Spark
Bent under the spray, I tried not to breathe the water. I was officially losing my shit.
“It doesn’t matter,” I muttered to myself. “He’s just some stupid guy.”
When I saidstupid, water sprayed off my lips. So I said it again. I grabbed for the shampoo and straightened.
“And he isn’t that cute.” In fact, the wordpallidcame to mind. Whiter than the shampoo I squeezed into my palm. It took a lot of effort to avoid the sun in Arizona, even in the winter. Did I want to be with someone whoneverwent outside?
“No, I donot,” I said as I lathered furiously.
AndIwasn’t a bad kisser. It took two to kiss, and I’d never had complaints before.
It was him. This was his fault. Swann would tell me so. Once she learned about the pathetic misery that was now her best friend’s life.
After her high school graduation party—a huge celebration where her parents had invited relatives from as far away as Mumbai to subtly remind her there was still time to go to Johns Hopkins—we’d snuck back to the Freeze after closing for one last freezie. (Or so I thought at the time.) As we mixed all the colors together, Swann had said, “You know what I’ve always loved about you, Mojimo?”
“That we’ve worn the same size shoe since first grade.”
“Besides that. I love that you just go for it.”
I wrinkled my nose. “I’m only going to LA. You’re going all the way to New York.”
“No, I mean you throw your whole heart into things.”
“Sounds painful.”
“But that doesn’t stop you.”
“Nothing will stop us,” I’d proclaimed. “Probably because of all the sugar.”
Two years later, it seemed like Swann had me wrong. I’d let things stop me.
Come on, Moji,she said in my head.
Best friends can talk to you even if they’re not there and don’t know what’s going on. It’s annoying.
Shut up,I told her. This was my pity party. She wasn’t invited.
Just because you stopped doesn’t mean you can’t start again.
A couple thousand miles away and she could still call me on my shit.
I waited for the dregs of conditioner to slowly glop into the lid of the bottle.
She raised her eyebrows at me, making a kissy face. Bitch.
Okay fine. Maybe I couldn’t go back to school right now. Maybe I couldn’t fix Mom. Maybe I couldn’t hand the Freeze keys to Rique with a smile.
So what could I do?
Yeah gurl.
How about a do-over for this day?I asked her because it was impossible. As in, against the laws of physics.
Uh-huh.She was impatient now.Science always bored her.
But if Icouldgo backward, I’d try again with Brayden. Maybe he felt just as awkward about the whole thing as I did.
I held my breath—still waiting for the conditioner—as I considered this. Could he be just as confused and bummed as me?
