Page 16 of Violet Spark
I started to delete that last part, but my thumb slipped and I hit send instead.
Instantly my phone vibrated.
I ignored it and kept typing.Watch this but don’t read the comments
A quick copy-paste of the YouTube link, and then I waited, tense, until the blinking ellipsis popped into her reply.
Sweetie, we need a good Korean face mask night
A laugh burst out of me, so loud a couple of my nearest transit companions glanced over at me with concern.
Call you in a sec. Just gotta get off the bus
Bus?!? Whyyyy? Oh noes, the world must be ending!
I managed not to laugh again, but inside I felt suddenly lighter. Swann never really freaked out. She’d had her whole self together from sixth grade when she stood up in front of the class for “what I did last summer” and announced her pronouns were she/her and we should all call her Swann from now on.
I’d loved her before that because she’d convinced our gym teacher that she couldn’t play team sports for religious reasons, but that day I’d admired her.
I got off the bus at the mall. There was one bench underneath a palm—as if the high fronds offered any shelter—so I sat there and called Swann.
“I just finished watching it again,” she said without preamble. “Sweetie…what the fuck?”
I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the palm trunk. Swann didn’t swear. She said it was because she’d heard all the worst words aimed at her, and once she’d swallowed them all, she’d never let them out. If she was swearing now…
“It was real,” I said. Just in case she thought I was messing with her. Or maybe I was reminding myself.
“The comments said it was fake.”
“I told you not to read the comments. Never read the comments.”
“You know I can’t help myself.”
“Okay, but it was real,” I said firmly. “Somehow, while I was playing, the gloves actually…shot lightning. And then I did it a second time when I was logged out and disconnected. That one isn’t recorded for posterity.”
“You need to make a formal complaint to the company. You could’ve seriously hurt yourself or your mom. They’re lucky you only put a hole in your wall.”
“And ceiling,” I said. “I guess at least the video is proof of what happened. It sucks to have it out there, but it’ll be good to have a copy to show the company what happened.”
“We almost got full frontal,” she said in a serious voice.
And then we both snickered.
“Poor Gwump,” she sighed. “He looked so mad at you. You should probably never turn your back on him again.” She waited for me to laugh again before she added, “And I’m so, so sorry to hear about your mom. I know back pain can get really bad, but I thought she was getting better.”
“I thought so too. But maybe that’s not going to happen. Maybe…” My voice cracked, and I curled my left hand under my chin as if I could crush the lump choking me. “Swann, I don’t think I’m going back. To school, I mean. I’malreadyback here…”
“And at the Desert Freeze? Oh, Mo. I wish I could hug you right now.”
“I wish you could too.” I swallowed hard. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. What if this is it, the rest of my life? Just playing video games—badly—riding a bus around after my shift at the Freeze—” My tone pitched higher and higher.
“Mo.” Swann said it sharply, like no, cutting off my meltdown. “What have I always told you about who decides who you are?”
“Me?” I answered meekly.
“You.Youdecide who you are, who you’re going to be. No one else gets to tell you that, and no one else can do it for you.” Her voice gentled, as it always did. She was a wiz with scissors and pins, but she used all those points and edges to make the world more uniquely beautiful. “I believe in you, Imogen.”
We both went quiet. And it felt like my hand was burning again.
