Page 85 of Milo
“I’ll miss you,” I say to her, kissing her forehead. “I’m sure you’ll grow loads while I’m not here.” I look up in time to see Niall wince and Silas giving him a sympathetic look. When Niall sees me looking, he puts up his hands.
“No. Nope.”
“What?” I ask.
“We’re not feeling sorry for ourselves. You’re not being deported, for fuck’s sake. You’re going to London to seek your fortune.”
“I’m not Dick Whittington,” I say sourly.
“I hope not. You’d never fit all your hair care products in that handkerchief he had.”
I shake my head. “Niall.”
He comes to me and pulls me close, bending to kiss Cora and raising to take my lips. It’s a gentle, almost sweet kiss. Chaste but so warm that I stare at him, seeing a flush on his face. Then his expression clears and he steps back. “Breakfast,” he says decisively.
I look at Silas. “Are you staying?”
He shakes his head. “No. I’ll leave you in peace. I just wanted to say au revoir.”
“Very French.”
He shrugs. “I prefer it to goodbye.”
I flinch. “It isn’t goodbye.”
“Of course it isn’t, Milo,” he says, getting to his feet and drawing me into a hug. “It can’t be goodbye because this is your home and it always will be. There will always be a place for you atChi an Mor.”
“Thank you,” I say, drawing back. “I haven’t said it enough, Silas. You took me in when you didn’t have to and gave me a safe place. I’ll never forget it.”
“You’re family,” he says simply. “That means an awful lot to me.” He looks at me and gives me a gentle smile. “When you’re ready to come back, we’ll all be here.”
“How maudlin. Cheer up, for fuck’s sake,” Niall says in that uber-cheerful way he’s had over the last fortnight. It’s been like living in an expletive-ridden Disney film and it’s getting wearing.
Silas neatly retrieves Cora after I kiss her again and then he’s gone, leaving us in a very full silence. I look at Niall and he turns determinedly. “Bacon and eggs and then you’ll have to get your stuff together. The train’s at ten and we’ll have to take the back road.”
“Niall,” I say quietly. “You know I’m coming back, don’t you?”
He turns to me, giving me a sad clown smile that stretches his face but doesn’t reach his eyes. “I hope so.”
“Niall, of course I am,” I say, hugging him tightly, feeling the sharp edges of his ribs and the muscles in his back. “I love you. We’re just going long distance for a while.”
He turns and hugs me tight in return. “I know,” he says deeply.
Breakfast goes too quickly the way time has the last fortnight, bounding forward like a puppy on a lead, eager and searching, and before I know it we’re lugging my suitcase to the car. I look around at the woods surrounding the house. The wind is fierce again, blowing the scent of wet wood and earth in my face accompanied by the sharp, tangy smell of the sea.
I feel like I’m taking snapshots every time I move so that I can take them out when I get to London and examine them. Over the last fortnight, I’ve said my goodbyes to the estate and to my favourite places like the Lime Tree walk where in the spring the snowdrops flourish and the bluebells in the wood that form a magic carpet. But here is the hardest goodbye of all because this has become my home, and it seems odd to me that I’ve only realised it at the moment of leaving it. Perhaps we never know until we’re losing something.
“Milo. You ready?” Niall says quietly and I look round to find him leaning against the car, his hair lifting in the wind. He looks real and full of life and I want to throw myself on him and never leave, and panic fills me suddenly like I’ve inhaled butterflies and they’re spreading through my stomach.
Am I?I think madly.Am I ready?Why am I going when I’ve just found him? Why am I testing this? What happens if the bond between us snaps through the long distance like an elastic band stretched beyond its limits?
I take a deep breath and push it away. “I’m ready.”
The drive seems to take no time, and I look out of the window, searching for my last view of the sea. But before I know it, the sea is gone and my time is up as we pull up to the station.
Niall jumps out and retrieves my case for me, carrying it round to where I’m leaning against the car. “Don’t come in,” I say softly but he jerks as if I’ve shouted it.
“You don’t want me to see you off?”
