Page 84 of Milo
She ignores me, her purrs filling the air, and I smile as she curls into my side, her small body warming the side that Niall isn’t lying against. And as I lie there on this rainy night with my two people safe beside me, my heart is full and my brain is teeming with thoughts.
Doubt stirs again the way it has for the last two weeks, but I push it aside. I just need to get on with things. This protracted leave-taking isn’t good for anyone, and Niall and I will be fine once we’re settled into our new normal. It’s the last thought I have before I slide into sleep, and I frown because there’s a hollow ache in my bones tonight.
Niall
I go to put the bacon on the grill and swear under my breath as Dotty twines around my feet and nearly sends me over.
“What are you doing, silly girl?” I say, bending over to stroke her hard little head, my fingers sliding over the sleek fur. She meows agitatedly and I sigh. “You know something’s happening, don’t you?” I whisper. “But don’t worry. He’s going but I know he’ll be back.”
She gives me a slightly disgusted look before stalking over to her basket as if I’ve let her down.
“What’s up with you?” I hiss, still bent over on the floor. “I can’t keep him. You must know that.”
“Are you talking to your penis?” An amused voice comes from the French windows and I twist and nearly fall over.
“Oh, it’s you,” I say sourly.
“Just me and Cora,” Silas says happily, stepping into the room and handing me Cora when I hold out my arms for her. She settles into me, her warmth and smell familiar even though I swear she’s bigger than she was yesterday. She’s like a gremlin with water on her. I hug her tightly until she makes a disgruntledsound, whereupon I ease up and kiss her hair. She seems part of my and Milo’s romance somehow. The tiny cog which everything started around.
Silas watches me with a sad expression on his face. “How are you?” he whispers, looking around.
“He’s upstairs,” I say, thinking of his long body cuddled down in my sheets. “You can talk. Just don’t shout.” I try a smile. “Oh, I forgot that’s your loud partner, not you.”
The smile can’t be any more convincing than it feels because his face twists in sympathy. “Niall,” he says, and I turn back to the counter.
“I’m fine,” I say determinedly, grabbing the eggs and cracking them one-handed into a bowl as Cora watches me in a fascinated silence. Reaching for the whisk, I look back at him. “He’s only going to London, not the other side of the world, and he’ll be back whenever he can. When he can’t come back, then I’ll go to him.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
Suddenly irritated, I chuck the whisk on the counter, noting the trail of eggs it leaves on the wood. “Of course I’m not,” I say hollowly. “I’ve only just got him and now he’s going again. But I have to be okay with it,” I say firmly. “I can’t go for what I want this time.”
“Why?”
“Because this is too important.He’stoo important. Our whole relationship hinges on the fact that I have to let Lo do his own thing. I will chase him away as surely as if I had a gun and was running after him if I try to lay down the law. And I don’t want to lay the law down with him. That’s not us.”
I sigh and hug Cora close, staring at my oldest friend. “And at the end of the day this might be the best thing for him, and how can I love him if I don’t want the world for him?”
He slings his arm over my shoulder and hugs me to him as Cora coos and reaches out for her daddy. “That’s how you know it’s really love,” he says softly. “When they matter more than anyone else.”
“Then it bloody sucks,” I say sharply. “Why have I done this to myself?”
“I don’t think you actually choose love, Niall. It’s got its own opt-in clause,” he says wryly. “One of those deals that seal you in because you can’t read the small print.”
“When can you read it?”
“Never,” he says softly. “And in the end, you don’t want to because it feels both too good and too bad to ever want to leave.”
Milo
When I wake, I stretch and send one hand out to find Niall. I crack open my eyes sleepily, but the bed is huge and empty apart from me and the sheets are cold where they aren’t wrapped around my body. I lift my head up and hear the sound of the radio in the kitchen downstairs and I sniff at the scent of bacon.
It’s enough to get me out of bed, and I stand up, stretching and wincing at the soreness in my arse. I’d begged him to go hard last night, wanting to feel him all the next day, and my wish has definitely been granted. I grab my dressing gown and pause. Today will be the last morning of waking up in the Dower House andChi an Moras a permanent resident. From now on and for the foreseeable future I’ll be a visitor. I frown and then make myself cheer up. I’m going to London, not to war.
Traipsing downstairs I hear the sound of voices, and when I round the corner it’s to find Silas seated at the breakfast bar with Cora in his arms. Niall is talking to him in an intense voice and the two men look serious.
“Everything okay?” I ask, and they jump as if electrocuted. I shake my head. “Please don’t consider a career in MI5. You’ll have spilled state secrets before breakfast.”
Silas laughs. “Especially if Oz was questioning me.” I walk over and hold out my hands for Cora who waves her arms in excitement. Silas hands her over with a smile and I hug her close, dipping my nose and inhaling the sweet baby scent of her neck.
