Page 42 of A Twist in Fate
Our eyes meet and her expression is unreadable. She huffs out, breathes and looks at her feet. She's anxious. “Lucas…” Her words trail off.
Fuck. I know exactly what that means. “It's not that I don't care about you.” She can’t even meet my eyes. I can't do this.
“No,” I say, and her eyes snapback to mine. “I won’t do this. I won’t hear you say something you don't mean.”
“No, I can't dothis, Lucas!” She is yelling. Ivy is yelling at me. I've seen her be stung by a wasp and apologise to it. I have not once heard her raise her voice at anyone or anything. It almost makes me smile as she stands up for herself, but the words rip me apart. “It doesn't matter if I care about you or love or whatever. What matters is that I need to go home and go back to school. I can't have a long distance relationship. We agreed on this. I want to make it work but it would only hurt both of us.”
“I know,” I say, sadly. I step closer to her, taking her hand and slipping the necklace from my pocket into her palm. “Just please take this.” She looks down at it for a moment, with tears in her eyes.
“I can't.” She puts it back onto my hand.
“Turn around,” I say, and she does. I slip the necklace around her neck, sweeping the hair over her shoulder. I clasp it just like the day I had given it to her.
“Thank you,” she whispers as she turns back to face me. She looks so conflicted, and I know exactly how she feels. I step closer to say something but before I can her lips are on mine. She lifts herself up onto her tiptoes, wrapping her hands around my neck. This is the last timeI will kiss her. My hands slip around her waist, pulling her even closer until her body is up against mine.
We pull away and I whisper, her hands still around my neck and mine still on her waist, “I love you.” I want to freeze this moment just to hold her for as long as I can.
“I love you too.” She pulls away and says, “I'm sorry.” She walks away, not looking back and I watch her until she's gone.
It feels as though the ground is being pulled from beneath me the moment she is no longer visible. She’s walking away, forever. I want to scream or run after her. I'm not sure how long I stand there but with every second an inescapable hollow ache grows inside me. Everything slows down around me and after what must be an eternity, I walk back to my car. It feels as if the light in my life, something so irreplaceable and precious, has completely slipped through my fingers. Now it is replaced with nothing.
CHAPTER 26
Ivy
Song 26
Unwritten – Natasha Bedingfield
19/08
My flight is delayed by an hour. I went to get a sandwich and now I'm sitting between strangers at my gate waiting for any updates. I'm starting to get a headache. For some reason it's ridiculously loud around me and I cannot stand it. My leg is bouncing, and I swear time is slowing down. I just want to leave. I might be in shock. I wish I could leave at this moment. Maybe being home would make it hurt less. I could be with my family and focus on school so I wouldn't even have time to think about James, Abby, Alec or Lucas. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket, and I lift it up to see a missed call and a voicemail notification from Bailey.
She would only call now if something were wrong.
I rush, quickly, to open my phone and listen to the voicemail. I fumble slightly as I do. I left my phone on do not disturb so I could listen to some musicin peace so it could hopefully calm me down. Now my heart rate is quickening and beating sporadically.
I push the phone up against my ear and turn up the volume, but I still struggle to hear it over the sound of my pulse in my ears. Her voice is sad, maybe she's crying. I can't tell.
“Ivy, I can't believe you didn’t work it out with Lucas. He just came home and watching him made me realise I owe it to myself, him and especially to you to tell you the truth. Right, please don’t hate me for this.” She takes a steading breath. “So, back in June you had said how much you loved it here and you didn't want to leave one night when we were together. I really wanted you here too, so I spoke to your parents and the career advisor from school and long story short, I sent in a late application for college, well university, here in Pennsylvania. They sent in the acceptance right before your birthday. I was going to show it to you and give it to you as a gift but then you got that text from your mom, and she said how much she missed you. I knew you'd miss your family, and I realised how selfish it was of me to ask you to stay but when we spoke earlier you said that if there was a way you could study here you would. I'm not asking you to take it, I just want you to have this option too. Lucas does not knowabout this, but I know how much you love him so please just think about it before you leave. It's not far away, you could live here or in the dorms and live less than 2 hours away from Lucas by drive. While, when I spoke to them, your parents were okay with it, I understand if you can't be away from them for so long. I love you, Ivy. Whatever decision you make, I know it will be the right one. Text me soon.” The message ends.
I wish I could say I laid back in my chair and thought about it for a moment. I wish I could say I stuck to the plan that had been laid out for my entire life. I didn't.
I ran. I ran from the gate, toward the entrance of the airport. I rushed into a taxi, and I couldn't sit still the entire drive. The moment of hearing that message it felt like everything had changed. It's like everything around me has shifted completely. It's surreal. A strong unfamiliar feeling has carried its way through me like it's not supposed to be there, but it's changed my reality for the terr. The air around me is electrified, full of new possibilities. A new pathway. A new direction. It's like Lucas had said.
A twist in my fate.In our fate.
For once, I don’t overthink my choice. My mind was full of other thoughts. I could not focus at all. I spent thedrive viewing the university website and texted my parents that my plans had changed. I realised then that my mum had messaged me earlier to check that voicemail. I guess Bailey told her that she sent it. The university looks quite a lot like the one I had planned to go back home. It has large buildings and fields where the students study. I didn't know that they would have accepted so late in the year, they must have had a space. It was pure luck.
The car pulls up at the front of the farmhouse not long after. The panelled white home is being illuminated by the sun that I was sure would be gone by this time. It's just after lunch and all three cars are parked outside. I pay my driver before slipping outside the car with my luggage. Nerves build up inside me as I step closer to it. I was so unfair to Lucas. He seemed so upset. Bailey seemed upset too and now I'm worried they won't want me back.
I take a deep breath again and knock on the door. As soon as it swings open, Daisy is the one behind it and a puppy, that I almost forgot was here, is rushing through the door, jumping up to my legs.
“I knew you'd be back.” She smiles and I roll my eyes, rubbing the dog by its ears. Teddy has a new collar with his name on it and definitely has had a bath today because he wasn’t this clean the last time, I saw him.Elizabeth had said he loved rolling around in the mud on their walks.
Someone starts walking from behind her yelling, “Daisy. What did Mom tell you about opening the door to strangers? Never open the door unless—” They stop as they see me and my heart stops as I look into his eyes. Teddy runs between us, and Daisy extends the door for me to step inside. I thank her as I do.
“See, it wasn't a stranger,” she says before skipping down the hall to a room I'm guessing is her own. Before she closes the door, she peeks through it and gives me a thumbs up which makes me smile a little. It's funny how observant these children are despite us trying to hide it for so long.
