Page 33 of A Twist in Fate
Bailey has stopped sleeping in Ivy's room most nights and tonight is one of those nights, but I promised myself that I wouldn't go with her. I'm starting to get used to sleeping with her every night and now it hurts to be apart from her. I'm in love with someone and our relationship is forced to end in 12 nights. The worst part is, after everything that happened with Bailey, Ivy seems far too relaxed around her. She told me that Bailey ended up forgiving her and she seems okay because we would inevitably end. She forgave her because our relationship was supposed to not have the feelings I am tying to it. It was all one big reminder. It hurts so much knowing I can't have a future with the one person I want to have one with. I have never felt as though I could fully love someone in this way without having the fear of losing them after my dad, and maybe I was right. I let myself fall for her and now she will leave.
Ivy didn't seem to mind when I said I would be sleeping in my room alone tonight, but every inch of my heart and soul yearns for her. Every muscle in my body will never relax until she is in my arms again. I am in love with Ivy Banks and now there is no way I can continue to deny it. A part of me wonders if I have been in love with her from the moment I laid eyes on her beautiful eyes, freckles and bright smile but I know it's the shy, sweet and stunning girl I fell in love with. It's all of her. Entirely, from head to toe, is absolute perfection.
I take a deep breath and toss over until I am laying on my side in my bed. I'm exhausted but I don't think I will be sleeping anytime soon. I rub my eyes, looking around in the darkness as the same thoughts swirl throughout my mind. The longer sleep eludes me, the more this headache worsens until I can feel my pulse beating in my ears. The silence around me is loud and I roll over again, facing the wall and closing my eyes, hoping I can force sleep.
As I'm trying hard to ignore the pain in my head and the exhaustion that's covering my body, I feel the mattress beside me dip and someone slides into the covers. Her strong smell of fresh flowers overwhelms me, and I spin around to see her eyes staring into mine. I can still make out the waves that fall around her face as I watch her move closer to me.
“Ivy,” I whisper into the dark.
“Yeah,” she whispers back, her lips so close to mine.
“I told you I was sleeping alone tonight.” As soon as I speak, I am worried that the words have come out harsh, like I didn't want to be with her in this moment, but in reality, it is all I want.
“I know. That's why it took me so long to come here. I just—” She stops for a moment looking at me closely, “I don't want to sleep without you. Tonight, or ever again.” She looks down, averting her gaze and I wonder if she knows how much the pain on her face hurts my heart.
“Sunshine, as long as you're here, you'll never be alone.” I put my arm around her, pulling her into me by the waist, like most nights. This is the first time we have ever been close to talking about her leaving in the past three weeks. I honestly hate it.
“I will be alone soon.” I honestly hate this more. I play with her hair gently, placing a gentle kiss against it.
“I know. I—” I think over my words before I say something I may regret. “I really like you Ivy but there's no solution for this. I can't have a long distance relationship. It would hurt too much, especially with you.”
“I couldn't do it either,” she sighs, “Being apart from Bailey hurts enough, and a friendship like ours with you would mean that I couldn't ignore my feelings at all. You mean a lot to me Lucas.”
“You definitely mean more to me, sunshine.”
“Impossible,” she says, snuggling into my chest.
As we drift off to sleep, I wonder if this was our way of saying I love you.
I’d like to think it is.
CHAPTER 20
Lucas
Song 20
Cardigan – Taylor Swift
08/11
This is almost her final week. It is exactly eight days until Ivy will go back to London and our relationship will be over. Well, it's supposed to be over. I am still determined to convince her that we can somehow make this work. If it was anyone else, any other girl on the planet, I would probably believe that it was impossible and give up. This girl means more to me than I can even explain. I want it to work.
I spend every night with her in my arms, most of the time with us in her room, and it's getting harder to leave every morning, knowing she will be the one leaving me soon. I want to spend every minute I can with her but it's completely unfair. I'm not the only one losing her in a week. Mom invited her over againlast week, Bailey spends most days off with her and as a whole group we hang out as much as possible, meaning the night is the only time I have alone with her. Before she leaves, I will tell her I love her. I will tell her today. I have to.
“Sunshine, I'm taking you out again tonight,” I whisper in Ivy’s ear, as she holds up the bow and arrow.
“What?” she says, turning her head slightly, causing her shot to go right to the side of the target, hitting the one next to it.
“Great demonstration, darling.” I laugh slightly and continue as she picks up another arrow, “I spoke to Charlie, and he got us the evening off again. I have the most perfect thing for us to do.”
She smiles up at me with the most gorgeous smile, the one I am blessed to wake up to everyday. “Okay.” She turns her head back to the target in front of her, focusing for a moment before firing the arrow. It flies through the air and hits the centre in one swift motion.
I give her waist a small squeeze and say, “Attagirl,” before walking up to where the kids are getting ready to follow her demonstration. We now usually have one of us showing the kids these activities and the other helps them as they do it. In this instance, Ivy is the one showing them, because she needed practice from the first time she triedto shoot an arrow. I think back for a moment, to when she accused me of being a show off and when I helped her shoot her first arrow that actually succeeded. She jumped around with the most adorable smile on her face.
“Are you in love with her?” Jacob asks abruptly, as I continue to walk over to him.
“What?” I say, stunned.
