Page 32 of Waiting for Fate
Ren was my high school sweetheart. The first love of my life. We were going to spend an eternity together. Travel the world with my band until we were ready to find our pack and start the family we always dreamed of. I’d bonded her right out of the Alpha Academy, proudly claiming her as mine in the bottom of the sailboat I named after her.
Then my world had fallen apart. I was performing a show in Maryland when the pain hit me through our bond, sharp and fierce. It stole my breath and had me collapsing on the stage. Minutes were all it took for the fraying strands of our connection to snap.
I was inconsolable as my bandmates tried to carry me off stage. They’d dragged me to the nearest hospital, but there wasn’t anything they could do. My mate was gone, lost in a fatal crash on the highway she drove every day to get to her job at the local museum.
My fist rubs over my heart, attempting to ease the phantom echo of that pain. It’s never gone away. Years of therapy have helped it fade to a manageable level. Or it had until last night.
When I saw Bea swaying on the dance floor at Fairytale, the pull I’d thought was from her heat reignited. My feet had carried me to her before my brain could process the action. The way her curvy body molded against mine, that magnificent ass grinding against me with each pulsing beat of the music, it was rapturous. She turned to look at me and the endless galaxy in her eyes captivated me. I was drawn into her orbit, tethered by the gravity of the potential connection between us.
She’d spluttered out an admission that she was building her pack, which gave me pause. Hearing her confess she felt as bewitched by me as I am by her, joy soared in my heart. Only for the emotion to be crushed by heavy waves of guilt.
“I don’t know what to do, Ren.” I stare up at the sky through closed eyes, wondering if my lost lover is out there somewhere watching me. Listening to my confused pleas. “Fate already blessed me with an omega. How is it fair for me to get a second chance? Is it even okay for me to consider giving my heart to another when it still belongs to you?”
There is no answer, of course. Only a gentle summer breeze to rustle the leaves of the nearby trees.
“So many parts of this scare me. The thought of you hating me for choosing to love again. The overwhelming fear of losing a bonded mate again. Letting someone new in to see all the jagged pieces of the person I’ve become since you left this world. Can I even be a good alpha when I’m broken?”
I hear a sharp breath in the distance. My eyes snap open, my head turning to see who is there. The pain in my chest grows when I see my sister Venus standing several feet away. She’s grown since I last saw her. Her hair is short and sleek, her stomach slightly round. Nausea churns in my stomach at the realization she is pregnant. I glance back up to her throat and choke down my regrets when I see the silvery mate marks lining her throat.
“Ry,” she whispers my name, taking a tentative step forward as if she is afraid I will flee like a startled animal.
I guess her reaction is warranted. When Ren died six years ago, I went down a dark path, leading me to cut off all contact with my family. I couldn’t handle the weight of their grief when I was already drowning. Venus most of all. Ren was her best friend, after all.
“Vee.” She hurries over and sinks to the ground beside me, keeping a few inches of space between us. I’m comforted by the familiar notes of her jasmine and lily scent as they settle around me, mellowed by her bonds.
“You’re home,” she comments after she lays her own flowers on Ren’s grave. I don’t respond, unsure of how to do this. My mind is a riot of emotions, each flaring so brightly I can’t seem to settle on one.
“Are you okay?”
I shrug, watching her study me with a worried expression from the corner of my eye. “I’m alive.”
A sad smile tugs one edge of her lips up. Her bright brown eyes shimmering with tears. I hear a noise behind us and glance back to see the men who must be her mates hovering restlessly nearby. No doubt drawn by whatever they are feeling in their bond.
“You’re pregnant.”
Venus’ smile brightens, one hand resting on her slightly round stomach. “I am. It’s our first. A little girl.”
I offer her a brittle smile and my whispered congratulations. I am genuinely happy for my baby sister, but jealousy wars within me knowing I should have been enjoying those same firsts. If only Fate hadn’t stolen my mate from me.
“You should call Mom,” she hedges, brushing her hair back behind her ear. “She misses you.”
“Yeah, I know,” I admit on a long breath. “I can’t promise anything. I’m… I’m trying.”
She nods, turning to press a kiss from her lips to Ren’s headstone. I jump to my feet to help her stand when she pushes to her knees a moment later. My sister wraps me in a sudden hug, squeezing me hard enough to make my bones creak in protest. “We’re here when you’re ready, Ry. We always will be.”
My eyes follow her as she walks back to her mates, answering their hurried questions as they guide her back up the hill to the gravel parking loop.
I turn back to Ren’s grave, staring blankly at the granite and wondering what to do next. Perhaps I should call my therapist and schedule an appointment sooner than the one I had scheduled.
As I climb into my car, my phone beeps with a notification. An invitation to lunch tomorrow with Shiloh. Perhaps my old manager could help me work through the chaos in my heart.
“Come in,” Shiloh calls when I knock on his office door. I swing the thick wood open and step into the pristine space. I always forget how strict he is about cleanliness and order. Even on the tour bus my old band used, he was constantly barking at us to pick up after ourselves.
“Hey,” I greet, slipping onto the couch off to the side of the room. A small coffee table sits before me, perfect for the containers of take out I’d picked up from the local Italian restaurant. Saffron risotto topped with steamy Osso Bucco and spears of asparagus. It isn’t shocking he ordered us something so classy. He has always loved fine dining, refusing to join us on our late night fast food excursions.
“Thank you for joining me,” he finally says as he slips into the seat across from me.
“Thanks for the invite,” I retort with a raised brow.
