Page 75 of This Fate That Guides Us
Leaning back in the chair, I find the courage to look up. Everyone is eating and talking, sharing stories about theirdays or funny tales from Bea’s childhood. They aren’t watching me. No one looks disgusted with me for overindulging. If anything, I see relief in Shelby and Phoenix's eyes when they see how much I’ve eaten.
Maybe, if I’m brave enough, I can be part of their family one day instead of being on the outside looking in.
Much like that day, I’m pulled from my memories when the back door opens and Austin steps inside. His eyes light up with relief when he sees me standing there watching them. “This feels familiar,” he jokes. His arms open and I don’t hesitate to tuck myself inside of them.
Tears leak down my cheeks as he embraces me. My hormones still haven’t regulated from the mini-heat, so being here with them is bringing on the waterworks. And the guilt. “I’m sorry for worrying you all–“
“We’re just glad you’re here now, Omen. You are safe and you came home, that is what matters.” He gently pushes me back so he can look me over. I wipe the tears from my face and offer him a watery smile. “You look hungry. Let’s go eat.” He leads me outside telling me about Phoenix buying a smoker. “He cooked us up a brisket and pulled pork both.” Looking over his shoulder, his eyes sparkle with mirth. “Don’t worry though, he tested it earlier in the week so it actually turned out okay this time!”
I laugh as I follow him. A small piece of my heart, the tiniest, slots back into place in their presence. This pack–my family–healed me the first time my world fell apart. Maybe they can do the same when Pack Graves inevitably rejects me.
Crossing to where Bea lies on her back on a blanket, I sit down beside her. My fingers pick random blades of grass and pull them apart while we wait for the fireworks to begin.
“I’m sorry,” I finally say when the silence stretches too far. “I shouldn’t have ignored you or made you worry. I was… I don’t know what I’ve been doing. Falling apart? Another mini-heat struck Monday afternoon and it was the worst one yet. Not that this is an excuse for being shitty to you. I just wanted you to know.”
“I assumed you had when I could smell your heat scent through your nest door.” She turns on her side to face me. The hurt I caused written clearly across her features. “I thought I was going to lose you, Oms. You didn’t leave your nest for days and you wouldn’t answer any time I knocked. It freaked me out. I almost paid someone to take the door off its hinges, but Ridley talked me out of it. You can’t do this again. I’d be lost without my best bitch to help guide me through all of the crazy shit life likes to throw at us.”
Falling to my back I rest my cheek against her head in a half hug. “I promise I won’t withdraw anymore. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but it happened. Now I can only try to do better in the future.”
“If it happens again I won’t hesitate to kick your ass.”
“I know you won’t,” I chuckle.
The first of the fireworks light up the sky. Booming in pretty shades of red and blue. We both turn toward the sky, awed by the lights and sounds. Lying here together, our world seems so small. My problems feel less constricting. With my best friend at my side, I start to believe I can make it through anything Fate throws at me.
When we arrived at the venue, I’d carefully avoided the guys. I can feel their eyes on me anytime we are in the room together. Their intense gazes raise the hairs on my arms.
Or maybe it’s my nerves. Boston is incredibly close to New Hampshire. Only an hour’s drive north and we’d cross into my birth father’s territory. The thought of seeing him or one of his lackeys makes my skin crawl. I’m definitely glad I worked this stop into my contract as a stage-only event.
I was surprised when we pulled up to the parking lot to see there wasn’t a protester in sight. The streets are empty of the usual anti-pack and anti-designation chants. Only fans in line to enter the festival grounds can be seen nearby. I want to believe this is a good sign, maybe the protesters found some other event to object to, but my instincts warn me to be cautious.
After all of the staged protests outside of our other shows, it doesn’t make sense for a pro-pack festival just outside of anti-designation territory to be so easily forgotten. Something more is going on here. Lex and Ridley must agree as both bodyguards have been on high alert since we arrived an hour ago. Whatever my birth father has planned, I have to trust the DAU to be able to put a stop to it.
Letting my worries fade into the background, I get lost behind my camera. Only the music and the view on the other side compute in my brain. Nexus is at the front of the stage, head bowed and both hands wrapped around the mic where it sits in its stand. His grip is tight, showcasing his long fingers and prominent veins. I capture the image despite the handful of similar shots already taking up storage space on my memory card.
I may have developed an obsession with his hands. Nebula’s too. My gaze strays to the bassist, mesmerized by the way his fingers move over the strings. The dark tattoos peeking beneath the silver paint on his arms stand stark against his skin beneath the fading white stage lights. He’s back to back with Callisto, the beta’s head tilted to rest on his shoulder as they bring their first song to an end. Click. Another perfect moment.
Guilt still rides me heavily as I watch them perform. Each pulse of attraction is another brick in the endless pile of wrongdoings I’m slowly accumulating. At least when this all comes to an end, and I’m left in the dust behind them, I will have these images to look back on. It may never be the same as seeing their faces or smelling their scents, but it might be enough to get me through the worst of their rejection.
“Boston,” Nexus drawls, “would you like a taste of the future?” I’m confused for a moment by what he means, but as the crowd goes wild and Titan counts them in, it strikes me.
They’re debuting part of a new song.
Right now. With me sharing their stage. Close enough to feel the vibrations of their instruments through every inch of my body.
I would weep with joy at the gift I’m receiving tonight if every glimmer didn’t burn to ash when I remember the reality of our situation. Of the painful truths I have to tell them after the show.
Words flow from Nexus' mouth as he grabs the mic and moves around the stage. Entrancing their already captivated fans. His words turn to a scream, the frayed edges of the sound flawlessly timed with a heavy breakdown. Gooseflesh rises along my exposed arms, my hands trembling slightly. They may have been in awe of my pictures, but every time they take the stage, they wreck me with the majesty of their performance.
Nexus steps onto the raised platform where Titan’s drum kit sits. Callisto already rests along the front edge, his guitar in his lap as they play. I watch with anticipation as Nexus wraps his hand around his mate’s throat and tilts his head back, forcing him to look up at his alpha. The move showcases each of Callisto’s silvery mate marks.
Jealousy spikes through me but quickly slips away as Nexus lowers his face in mockery of a kiss, notes still flowing from histhroat. My heart races as the words start to sink into my jumbled brain.
The way your soul intertwines with mine
The wild look in your eyes
As electricity pulses with each casual touch
