Page 47 of This Fate That Guides Us
He sucks in a sharp breath, his face brushing against my chest. I know he’s caught Omen’s scent on me, but I focus on my other mates. I don’t want to talk about our future heartbreak, I want to enjoy this moment with them in peace.
Callisto and Nebula join us, each giving me their own gifts afterward–a pass for rock climbing classes back home and a new pair of hiking boots. They even got my favorite cake ordered for us to share.
I laugh along as they talk, but the red velvet tastes like ash on my tongue now that my anger and fear have faded. I can’t get the blank look on Omen’s face as we rode back out of my mind. I think I might have fucked up by exploding before she could even finish what she was going to say, but I can’t take it back now.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
NOW PLAYING: IThink I’m OKAY- mgk ft. YUNGBLUD & Travis Barker
Staring out the window as we drive back through Louisville, my thoughts whip in the winds my hurricane of emotions is causing. This morning was wonderful. So full of fun, adventure, and flirting I was barely able to feel the fear usually plaguing my thoughts around Pack Graves.
And our kiss–my first real kiss. Not one of those childhood pecks. I swear I can still feel my lips tingling from the utter perfection of the moment!
Then I panicked and ruined it.
When we were catching our breath and Titan looked at his arm, I followed his gaze. Seeing a message from one of his mates appear on his arm using their Fated connection made all of thosefears come crashing back in. Like the waves of a tsunami, they wiped all of my joy away and left only destruction in their wake.
I couldn’t breathe, let alone think straight. I needed to be as far away from Pack Graves as possible while I got myself under control, but when I was going to ask Titan for space, he’d…
Well, I don’t really know what happened, I just know it hurt. He’d gone from kissing me senseless to ripping my heart to pieces. But I could see the hurt in his dark eyes, too. My hesitation had cut him as deeply as his words had wounded me.
I don’t know how to make it better when I can barely manage to keep the fear at bay. Having a written messages Fated connection doesn’t guarantee Pack Graves are my Fate mates. It is statistically possible we happen to share the same type of connection. This could be some crazy cosmic coincidence.
In my heart, I don’t believe that’s the case. The way my instincts constantly scream ‘mine’ every time I am near one of the men of Pack Graves… I’m pretty sure Primordial Covenant are my Fate matched mates.
Am I excited or am I terrified? I’ve already started to grow attached to their pack, even before actually meeting them. Them being meant to be mine would be a good thing, wouldn’t it?
I can’t see past my scattered thoughts to make sense of how I’m feeling. I need a nap in my nest and time to get my shit together.
Thankfully, Titan stalks off as soon as we park by our buses, leaving a disgruntled Lex following behind me. “You want to tell me what that was about?” he asks. I shrug one shoulder, too exhausted from this morning to make it seem like I’m not falling apart at the seams. “You shut down after the date and you want me to accept a shrug as an explanation?”
Whirling around, I put one hand on my hip and level a glare at my alpha bodyguard, irritated by his prodding. “Do you want to explain what’s been going on between you and Bea?” His facegoes blank, his jaw a hard line as he clenches his mouth shut. “This isn’t something you can fix for me, Lex. Not any more than I can help you with my best friend. Sometimes we have to figure things out ourselves, and this is me doing just that.”
“Fine,” he spits out before ushering me up the bus steps. “But you are at least going to eat something. You didn’t eat before we left this morning and we’re going to be getting to Indianapolis right in time for sound check. No arguments either. You have work to do tonight and you need energy to do it.”
I groan in protest but relent. He won’t stop pestering me until I eat, and if I wait too long, he will send Bea in.
“Girl, where were you this morning?” My bestie asks when I walk into the living area of our bus. She’s taken over the coffee table with paperwork and notes from her band’s shows. Despite the various complaints about Orbital Somatic, she really is invested in their career. I hope the band, and label, see how much effort she’s putting in for them.
“Titan invited me to go to an underground zipline place with him.”
“You went on a date?!” Bea squeals. My throat clogs with emotion at her question. I swallow thickly trying not to let anyone see how much those words are affecting me.
“Not a date. Just hanging out.”
“Psh, yeah, okay.” Bea rolls her eyes.
I focus on the leftovers I pulled from the microwave and turn the conversation to work. I hate keeping secrets from my best friend. She’s one of the only people who I’ve been able to be truly honest with over the years, but I can’t tell her it felt like a date. That Titan gave me my first kiss. A kiss that rewrote my very soul.
I can’t tell her anything I learned this morning because she won’t understand my fear. She doesn’t have a family of anti-designation advocates haunting her past and endangering herfuture. She’ll want me to tell them about the connection and I don’t know if I can admit it.
Not right now. Maybe not ever.
Listening to her talk as she goes over paperwork, my thoughts drift to the day I discovered my Fated connection, wondering if maybe there is a clue there to tell me if Pack Graves is at the other end.
I lean against the bathroom door transfixed as I watch Bea flat iron her curls. The transition to silky straight strands is so different from her usual style. It makes it clear how important tonight is.
Hanging from the bathroom door is her light pink Candy Courage band tee and a hot pink suspender skirt decorated with a white lip print pattern. So bright and cheery. The opposite of my gray-on-black ensemble.
