Page 43 of The Beginning
Instead, I just felt tired.Tired and oddly hollow, as though the anger had been holding me together and now that it was partially spent, I was discovering what lay underneath.
I was sad to say that vengeance didn't seem to be an easy mistress either.Like most things I'd thought would bring satisfaction, it had turned out to be more complicated than I'd expected.
I closed my eyes, trying not to think about the letter still in my pocket.About Wenda's careful, final words.Tomorrow I'd have to write responses—to her, to my mother, to all the people trying to maintain connections with a man whose future had become uncertain.
But tonight, I just wanted to sleep and forget, for a few hours, that my old life was truly over and my new one was still taking shape.
Chapter Nineteen
Marigold
The Human Realm
* * *
It all made sense.Why I was always feeling out of step with the rest of the Blaines.Why nothing ever felt right, even as far back as I could remember.
Oh, my goddess.Oh, holy hell on a popsicle stick.
This was the reason my mother hated me.I'd never phrased it like that, unwilling to say the word even to myself.
But it was the truth.My motherhatedme.
Not because of anything about me--but because I was the Vessel Witch.
The one with all the power.
And that's how the universe set things up.
I also knew, however, that my mother, if she knew all this, and realized that the power of the Vessel Witch wasn't ever going to be passed to her, she would be doubly angry.Furious.A seething anger that would never dull.
Oh man...of course.
No wonder she'd sworn Aunt Beatrice to silence.Selfish, selfish woman.I could never let her know that I knew.That I knew who I was to this family.It must burn her nearly alive to know that she needed me, that she couldn't just strike me down and be rid of me.
The thought of which made me smile, in a sad kind of way.
A pang in my side reminded me that I needed to take care of myself.
"Just like I always have," I muttered.
I stepped out of my robe and peeled the gauze off my abdomen, careful not to disturb the butterfly bandages closing the wounds.Then I eased into the shower, holding my bandaged hand out of the water and letting the hot stream wash away the tension of the day.It all seemed so surreal.So distant, fuzzy at the edges, and sharp in the center but still no more real for it.
I closed my eyes and ran my good hand through my hair.Feeling my skin prickle at the memory of the man with the emerald-colored eyes.Who was he?Why didn't he appear tonight?He’d been in every dream I’d had about the church.How did he fit into this?Wincing, I let the water run over my wounds.As the blood and stench washed away from my skin, coloring the water at my feet, I tried to gather up all I knew.
They may have knocked me down, but I got back up.I always did, I realized.Always.Now that I was up this time, I was angry.It was going to take more than this to shut me down.
I pulled on my bathrobe, wrapped my towel around my hair as best I could, and padded through my bedroom to the windows in the loft overlooking the courtyard behind my house.I looked out at the woods and marveled at how quickly everything could change.
I'd started this day feeling sorry for myself, hurt that Calyx had used me, and annoyed that Mother had used Calyx's actions for political gain, but I was defiant against all of them for treating me like garbage.Now, I felt like I was rallying for battle.Preparing to save all of them from some hidden enemy.
And maybe save myself, or find myself while I was at it.
I fingered my necklace, willing it to reach out and find Calyx.But there was nothing.Whatever connection was there had been broken for good."I will find you, sister."
I was sure that Calyx had no idea of the danger she was in now that I had escaped.And she didn't know they were using her to get to me.Was it just me?Or was it also my parents?Was this also political?Was there some rival in the human world who had hired this priest to do their bidding?None of this made any sense.And I had no idea where to start.
Well, that wasn't exactly true.
