Page 69 of Coronation
She isn’t wrong. I’m taking no chances and doubled up on every measure that Damien recommended. She will be as safe here as it’s possible for her to be, and if I’m wholly honest with myself, my hesitation in leaving tonight has little to do with Zelda’s physical well-being.
I want to undo what is already done.
Instead of returning to Ashwell Palace tonight, I want to bid my brothers goodnight and tuck her under my arm, heading upstairs to bed. I want to rewrite our story so that I cherish the unbelievable gift that this woman is, from the beginning. There should be no question in her mind about the way I feel, but how could there not be, whenI’ve never told her.
The cold, shameful truth is that I’ve never toldanyone. Not once in my life have I opened my mouth to tell someone how I feel about them. The closest I’ve ever come was the day of the garden party, and those words, however true, were little more than a desperate attempt to repair some of the damage I’d inflicted.
Now, here I am, a grown man falling in love for the first time, and I don’t know how to say it, or if I even should.
The wood from the doorframe is digging into my back as I lean against the side opposite hers, grounding me as I will the right words to come. The moment will pass soon. My brothers will come back, and it will be time to leave. Another chance might not present itself in the weeks we have left, and I have enough damn regrets where she’s concerned. I won’t let this moment be another.
Never in my forty-one lonely years have I been this afraid. I want to retreat, to hide, but I don’t have that luxury right now. So, instead, I speak. “Zelda.” She lowers her gaze from the night sky to meet my eyes, and something vital inside me seems to stall as I look back at her. Everything about this woman, inside and out, is so incredibly beautiful that she literally takes my breath away.
“I know I’ve made such a mess of this,” I begin, my voice a rasping plea. Now that I’ve started, though, the words come more easily than I would have believed. “And I know that you deserve so much better than what I’ve given you. It might be selfish, but I would regret it the rest of my life if I didn’t ask you to give me a second chance, darling. Beg, actually. I believe this is me begging.”
A watery laugh escapes from between Zelda’s lips as she stares at me through shining eyes. I step forward, reducing the distance between us to inches.
“I didn’t know it was possible to feel so many good things until I met you.”
“Ben,” she whispers, and we’re close enough that I can hear her breath catch as I grow closer still, my body pressing hers into the entryway of the ancient house.
The warm night fades away as I lower my lips to hers so slowly that it aches, determined to give her every opportunity to turn away, to reject me as I probably deserve.She doesn’t, and my heart lurches violently inside my chest as I finally kiss her, slow and sweet, exactly as I should have done the night we met.
As much as I’d like to, I can’t turn back time. For better or worse, this is our story, and I won’t allow it to become one more fucking tragedy.
Her taste alone threatens to send me to my knees, but when Zelda lifts her hands to my face, pulling me closer… It’s only the thought of ending this that keeps me standing. Shoes scrape over the centuries-old floor as I sink into her, desperate for her to sense the bottomless well of need she has me drowning in. And I am.I’m fucking drowning.
Zelda arches into my touch, her soft cry muffled by our kiss, and I ache to allow my hands lower. I want to grab her ass and drag her closer, to grind my stiff cock against her damp panties to make her moan. She wants it, too, and is practically panting as I graze my teeth over her swollen bottom lip, my erection pressing against her stomach.
It would be a relief to give in to what our bodies want, but this isn’t the time. I want so much more than sex, more than to be swallowed by this bottomless well, never to be seen again. In no small miracle, I’m being given a second chance to do this right, and by god,I will not ruin it.
My head spins as I force myself back, breaking our kiss. I don’t go far, though, and neither does Zelda. We stay entwined in the doorway, listening to our shared, ragged breathing alongside the symphony of crickets chirping in the grass, and the low murmur of voices at the end of the drive.
“This is all new for me,” I confess, pressing my lips to her forehead. “But I won’t mess it up again. I swear to you, Zelda.”
A soft tremor runs through her body, and her next words aren’t at all what I expected. “What ifImess it up?”
My first instinct is to assure her that she couldn’t possibly, that she’s too good a person to hurt me the way I hurt her. Except, this isn’t a fantasy; this is real life, and we are both real people. We have flaws, and we will make mistakes.
Without stopping to second-guess myself, I wrap my arms around her, pulling her into my embrace. She returns it, winding her arms around my waist as I begin to speak slowly, choosing my words with extreme care. “If you mess it up, then I will forgive you. I know what it is to dedicate myself to something, even when it is cold and cruel, and takes more than itgives.” My throat is tight, and I’m grateful that Zelda’s face is buried in my chest, preventing her from seeing the pain in mine. “If you mess up, then I will forgive you, because you have already given me more than I knew possible. Do you understand?”
Zelda’s head moves up and down, and though I can’t see it, I know she’s crying.
“Hey! Lovebirds!” I turn my head to see Damien and Leo approaching the house again, wearing identical, shit-eating grins. “I have an early appointment. I’d like to get on the road, if you wouldn’t mind,” Dam informs me, and thankfully, Zelda’s face is still pressed into my chest, and she misses the arched eyebrows and unspoken question in my older brother’s expression.
No. I won’t be staying. Not yet.
I sigh. “Give us a moment.”
They retreat, heading in the direction of the car, and it’s not until we’ve heard the heavy thud of two doors closing that Zelda finally lifts her head. As I suspected, her eyes are wet, with tears still clinging to those long, dark eyelashes, and my heart tugs when she offers me an embarrassed little smile.
“I’ll see you in a few days,” I promise, taking advantage of our newly established intimacy to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, dragging my thumb over her cheek as I do.
“Okay,” she responds in a soft murmur, offering me a sad smile as I let my hand fall to my side and step back.
I want to ask if she’ll think about what I said, but manage to refrain, knowing this is not the time to push my luck. Not in that way, at least. “Can I call you? Tomorrow?”
Zelda nibbles on her bottom lip, eyebrows arched in surprise. “Call me?”
