Page 43 of A Montana Secret Admirer
It terrified her.
Not that she didn’t feel safe with him. On the contrary, she knew that if she were to give him her heart, he’d cherish it until his last breath. What terrified her most was the fact that nothing was forever.
Finn’s death had taught her that.
If she gave Reese her heart and one day he didn’t come home, she wasn’t sure she’d survive. She wasn’t strong enough to lose someone else.
That wasn’t even the only reason she’d pulled back from him when their kiss had started to get more heated. She’d been enjoying herself too much, and then a silly, niggling thought entered her mind.
What if her secret admirer was watching her in that moment? What if he was the jealous type? But most of all, why was she feeling so guilty over someone who wasn’t brave enough to sign his letters with his name or deliver them to her personally?
She groaned as she leaned against the closed front door.
Finn was gone.
Her secret admirer wasn’t willing to be physically present.
But Reese?
He was here.
He was tangible.
And he wasn’t hiding how he felt about her.
They hadn’t gone on a second official date because she’d been avoiding him, and now, she was in full regret mode, too. There were so many conflicting emotions going on in her head and her heart, it was making her dizzy. At this point, she knew she needed to do something because sitting back and playing the avoidance game wasn’t going to get her anywhere.
She was tired.
She was tired of living a life out of fear, tired of wishing she had something she’d never get back, and just tired that nothing seemed to go according to plan.
Her mother would have told her that of course nothing goes according to plan. You can’t change fate, you can only change how you react to the trials in your life. But then, her mother had always been a little more on the religious side.
Perhaps it was time for Serenity to do something rather than continually react to what was happening. She could ask Reese out. She could be the one to approach him and tell him that she was ready for that raincheck.
Nothing could be worse than losing her high school sweetheart and the father of her children. She’d experienced the hardest thing a woman could—besides losing a child.
She nodded, more to herself than anything else.
It was time to throw caution to the wind and stop chasing things that weren’t changing. As much as it scared her, she could do that. No more of this living a stagnant life where she went through the daily minimum with her sons.
Serenity madesure to wake up early. The sun was just rising, but she wasn’t going to take the moment to enjoy it, not without Finn. She stepped from the house and headed for the barn across the property where she knew Reese would be working. She wasn’t sure how early he got up, but he was usually out and about by the time she emerged with her children.
There were men out working already when she made it to the structure. Some were saddling horses. Others were milling around by a trailer. Bo was shouting out orders. Some were preparing to check the fences of the pasture where the cattle were to be moved. Some were getting ready to move the cattle. And another group was heading to town. Apparently, there was an auction later this afternoon.
Serenity held back, hovering on the outskirts. She didn’t see Reese in the fray whatsoever. And as much as she hated to admit it, she didn’t want him leaving to go with any of the groups.
Her heart pounded harder. Her hands grew clammy, and she rubbed them along her jeans. The men mulled around a little more as Bo finished up, then Bo’s eyes found hers. He smiled at her, but he didn’t approach.
Would he know where Reese was? She took a step in his direction, but a low voice at her back stopped her cold in her tracks.
“You’re not looking for me, are you?”
Shivers accosted her as she turned and looked up into the face of the man she’d been unable to stop thinking about. He grinned at her, a lopsided, adorable expression making her heart squeeze and her legs go weak.
The awkwardness she’d expected to come between them today wasn’t present.
“Yeah, actually,” she answered. “I wanted to ask you something.”
