Page 87 of A Montana Secret Admirer
She let out a soft laugh. “Yeah. I told her she should write a novel. It’d make a great outlet, don’t you think?”
He laughed. “Yeah, I think that sounds perfect. You think she’ll do it?”
“Actually, I think she will. I caught her staring at the books we sell at the shop. I think she was considering what it would be like if she could put her own book on those shelves, you know? I don’t think she realized it was a dream she could have.”
“Dreams are important,” he mused as he looked around his meager apartment. This experience had been a dream for him, but the more time he spent here, the more he realized it wasn’t what he wanted most.
He wanted her.
The dream that took up most of his heart was back in Montana somewhere. A family with two boys and the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on. He could do anything with his life if she was by his side. He just needed her to admit that she wanted it, too.
Serenity had been speaking, but he hadn’t heard much of what she’d said. Something about the boys and how they were doing at school. The little devils were talking in the background, shouting about something new they wanted to try the next time they could go riding with him.
“Serenity?” he asked, interrupting her. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Hmm?” There was an edge to her voice—almost like she was nervous about what he was about to say. That was how she was, though. Every time he wanted to bring up their relationship, she brushed him off.
Perhaps it was time to put an end to giving her space. Perhaps it was time he told her what he wanted.
“I’m going to be home for Christmas, and I want to see you. The boys, too.”
She went eerily quiet, then. He could still hear background noise from the boys, but Serenity didn’t even sound like she was breathing.
“Beautiful?” he whispered. “Are you still there?”
“I don’t know if that would be a good idea,” she replied. The background noise went quieter then, as if she’d moved into another room.
“Why not?”
She sighed. “I don’t want to make this hard.”
“It’s already hard.” His voice was firm and unyielding, and he winced at how it made him sound angry. He wasn’t angry. He was… tired. “I miss you, Serenity. And I feel like nothing has really changed for us since I left. We talk every day. I want to…” He wanted to hold her in his arms and promise her the world. That was what he wanted. Instead, he said, “See you.”
Serenity was quiet again, then it sounded like her own voice hitched. “I want to see you, too, but I don’t think I can.” Before he could demand an explanation, she continued. “It’s going to be hard.”
Reese raked a hand through his hair. “It doesn’t have to be.”
“But it will. Reese, I—” She sighed again. “I don’t want to get so attached to you when I don’t know where things will lead.”
“That’s why I’m talking to you now. Iknowwhere I want this to go. I want?—”
“But that could change. Time changes things. Stuff out of our control happens all the time.”
His frustration continued to grow. “I’m not Finn, Serenity.”
This time, there was an edge to her voice. “I know you’re not. That’s not what this is about.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No. I’m not holding back because I’m scared I’ll lose you. Not the way you think, anyway.” She heaved a heavy breath, and he could imagine her pacing her room just like he was pacing the kitchen.
“Then what is it?”
Her tone softened. “I have my kids to think about. We’re all too attached to you. And until you’re here and tangible, I don’t want to make any promises to them or myself that can’t be kept.”
Her words stung. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, it sure sounded like she was scared of losing something. She wasn’t ready to go all in when she didn’t have something tangible to hold onto.
Perhaps it was time he gave her what she needed. “I love you, Serenity. I love you more than life itself. Distance has only strengthened that feeling.”
