Page 64 of A Montana Secret Admirer
Slowly, Serenity lifted her head to look at her sister. She wanted to say that Jane looked like she pitied her. But that wasn’t true. There was only concern in her sister’s eyes. She might not have children, but she definitely had Noah, now. It put a different kind of perspective on the loss Serenity had experienced. At least, that was what her expression was giving off.
Serenity ducked her focus back to the papers in front of her. “I don’t know if that would be a good idea right now. Too much is changing—or might change.”
“And the longer you put it off?—”
“I need to have a plan in place so I’m not just floating aimlessly anymore.”
“Finally. I was wondering when you’d get it.”
Serenity glowered at her sister. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Jane closed the distance between them, determination in her eyes. “I mean, you need to take ownership of your life. You obviously care for Reese, right? You shouldn’t be holding back from your boys just because you’re worried about what they might say or do. This is your life, too. Make the hard decisions and stick with them.”
If Serenity had been a wild animal, she would have growled at her sister in that moment. But she kept her mouth shut. Once again, Jane was phrasing the same old thing, just in a new way.
At this point, the only thing she felt like doing was to tell everyone in her life that they needed to mind their own business. She was getting tired of feeling like they didn’t think she could handle making decisions. All this pushing and prodding wasn’t good for her.
Then the unbelievable happened.
One second, she was set on locking away these thoughts and feelings. The next, she couldn’t contain them anymore.
“No offense, but you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Jane’s brows lifted. “What?”
Serenity made sure to keep her voice low and calm so as not to alert anyone in the home that she was angry. “You’re right. If I was single and I hadn’t run from every opportunity to have a relationship—if I hadn’t made my personality all about work life—then choosing something for myself like love would be smart.”
Her sister’s skin flushed. This was a sore spot between them. Jane had been the oldest sister in their family, and she’d only just gotten married. Her two baby sisters were already married with two or more children. She was late to the game, and all because of her own decisions.
Serenity fought the instinct to apologize. But what she needed to say had to be voiced.
“Where you’re wrong is when it comes tomychildren. They lost their father, Jane. The man who brought them into the world andraisedthem. They only knowhim. I would turn their worldupside down if I told them that I started loving another man. Right now? We might be making a move to Rocky Ridge. That would include leaving their home—the place that houses all the memories of their father. That would include leaving the friends they’ve made and starting school in a new place. I get that you think enough time has passed to get over that sort of loss… but it’s not. I’m not going to tell them that I’m replacing their father when I might be replacing everything else.”
Jane pressed her lips into a tight line. Her skin was still flushed, and a single tear had slipped from her eye. Serenity tracked it as it dragged down her cheek. She nearly opened her mouth to apologize to her sister for basically calling her stupid, but she held her tongue.
The truth was Jane wouldn’t understand the crushing weight of the decisions Serenity had to make unless she was in the thick of it herself.
Before she could crumble in front of her sister, she shoved back from the table and got to her feet. “Would you please keep an eye on the boys?”
Without waiting for her sister to respond, she reached for her jacket that she’d slung over the chair after her walk this morning. Then she marched out of the house.
Guilt swamped her from the moment her feet hit the grass. She was fidgety and anxious. How was she supposed to show her face at dinner tonight? Jane was going to hate her.
And Noah?
Shoot! There was no way that Jane would keep this a secret from her husband.
The fire that had started beneath Serenity’s skin only grew hotter the farther she made it from the house. She’d never spoken to Jane that way. Her sister had been nothing if not supportive since Finn had died, and she’d gone and told her that she need to stop.
Well, not in so many words.
But she definitely didn’t do herself any favors.
Serenity collided with a firm body, and a grunt escaped her lips. She nearly stumbled backward and fell to the ground, but strong, warm hands grasped her upper arms.
She stared up into Reese’s worried eyes. Those beautiful, soulful eyes that could see her for who she really was without even trying. She could tell. Each time he looked at her, she felt naked, vulnerable—like he knew every thought that went through her mind. It had been so hard to not spill her guts to him the other night when he’d told her she could.
Because she knew that once she started, she wouldn’t stop. He’d get scared off or start to realize that trying to merge with her already established family wasn’t going to be easy.
