Page 78 of Cowboy
Our drinks arrive—whiskey for me, white wine for her—and we fall into easy conversation. About the club, about Saoirse's progress with her therapist, about the mundane details of everyday life that feel like precious gifts after everything we've been through.
"I've been thinking about what comes next," Caoimhe says after our food arrives. She pushes a piece of salmon around her plate, not quite meeting my eyes.
"Next?" I prompt gently.
"For me. For Saoirse." She hesitates, then adds quietly, "For us."
My heart thumps a little harder at that last word. Us. There's been an unspoken understanding between us these past weeks, especially since that night in the kitchen. The kiss that changed everything. But we haven't really talked about what we are to each other, what we could be.
"What are you thinking?" I ask, setting down my fork to give her my full attention.
She takes a sip of her wine, gathering her thoughts. "I want to go back to school. I want to go to college and get a degree."
This surprises me. "Computer science, right?"
She nods, looking pleased that I remembered. "I wanted to do that, but then everything happened. I'd like to finally get a chance to do it." Her expression grows more animated as she speaks. "I was good at it, you know. Really good. My professors thought I had a future in security systems."
"I believe it," I say, smiling at her enthusiasm. "You've always been scary smart."
"I want to build something," she continues, her eyes bright with purpose. "Create systems to help find missing people, track trafficking operations. Use what happened to me to make a difference."
I reach across the table, taking her hand. "You'd be amazing at that."
She squeezes my hand, but then her expression falters. "But then there's Saoirse."
"What about her?"
Caoimhe's voice drops lower, vulnerability and fear creeping in. "I'm not her mother, Ciarán. The emergency guardianship is temporary. The Agency pulled strings to make it happen, but eventually, there'll be hearings, evaluations."
Now I understand her anxiety. "You're worried they'll take her away."
She nods, blinking back sudden tears. "They could decide I'm not fit. That I'm too traumatized, too damaged to raise a child. Or that she'd be better off with a 'real' family. Two parents, a normal life."
"Hey," I say firmly, tightening my grip on her hand. "Look at me."
When she meets my eyes, I continue, "First of all, you're the best thing that's ever happened to that little girl. Anyone with eyes can see that. Second, you're not alone in this. You've got me, Grá, Travis, the whole club behind you. We won't let anyone take her from you."
She lets out a shaky breath. "I've lost so much, Ciarán. I don't think I could bear losing her too."
"You won't," I promise. Then, choosing my words carefully, I add, "And as for the 'two parents' thing... well, I'm not going anywhere, Caoimhe. Not unless you want me to."
Her eyes widen slightly, searching my face. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I love you," I tell her, the words finally out in the open. "I think I've loved you since we were kids. And I love Saoirse too. If you'll have me, I want to be part of whatever comes next for both of you."
For a moment, she's perfectly still, and I wonder if I've pushed too far, too fast. Then tears spill over, running down her cheeks.
"Hey, hey," I say, alarmed. "I didn't mean to upset you?—"
"You didn't," she interrupts, wiping at her tears with a small laugh. "I'm just... God, Ciarán, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that."
Relief floods through me. "So, that's a yes? To us figuring this out together?"
She nods, her smile breaking through the tears. "Yes. Absolutely yes."
As we finish our meal, we talk about possibilities—Caoimhe returning to university, me continuing with the club but maybe taking fewer high-risk jobs. Building a life, a family, a future. By the time we leave the restaurant, hand in hand, there's a lightness between us that wasn't there before. Hope taking root.
Back at home—and it is home now, for all three of us—we find a text from Grá letting us know that Saoirse fell asleep during the second movie and they've put her to bed. The house is quiet, peaceful. Just us.
