Page 77 of Cowboy
"And now?" he asks, vulnerability clear in his eyes.
I consider this, taking stock of my feelings. The nightmares still haunt me. The trauma still lives in my body. I'm not fully healed, and may never be. But in this moment, with Ciarán, I feel something I thought had been stolen from me forever—desire. Not the twisted, corrupt version forced upon me in captivity, but something pure and freely given.
"Now," I say, a small smile forming, "I think I'm ready to try. To see where this goes. If you're willing to be patient with me."
Ciarán's answering smile is like sunrise breaking through clouds. "I've got all the time in the world," he says, bringing my hand to his lips and pressing a kiss to my knuckles. "We'll take it one day at a time. One step at a time."
One step at a time. It's how I've been surviving since my rescue. One breath, one moment, one small victory after another. But for the first time, the steps ahead don't seem quite so daunting. Not with Ciarán beside me. Not with Saoirse safe upstairs. Not with the ghosts of my past finally beginning to fade.
"I think I'm ready to try going back to sleep," I say, finishing the last of my tea.
Ciarán nods, understanding. "I'll be right there if you need me."
As we make our way back upstairs, his hand warm and steady in mine, I feel a sense of peace stealing over me. The nightmares may come again—probably will—but they no longer have the power to define me. I am more than what was done to me. I am a survivor. I am whole.
And for tonight at least, I am not afraid.
25
COWBOY
"Are you sure you'll be okay with her?" Caoimhe asks Grá for the third time, hovering by the front door. She's wearing a simple black dress I've never seen before, her hair loose around her shoulders. She looks beautiful, but nervous—her eyes constantly darting back to Saoirse, who's already settled on the couch with Bozo, picking out a movie.
"We'll be fine," Grá assures her with a patient smile. "We've got movies, popcorn, and Bozo's famous hot chocolate planned. Right, Saoirse?"
Saoirse nods enthusiastically. "And we're going to build a fort!"
"See?" Grá says. "A full evening of entertainment. Now go, enjoy yourselves. First date night is special."
I place my hand gently on Caoimhe's lower back, feeling her tension. "We'll only be gone a few hours," I remind her softly. "And we're just a phone call away."
She takes a deep breath, then nods. "You're right. I'm being silly."
"Not silly," I correct her. "Protective. There's a difference."
This earns me a smile, small but genuine. Progress.
"Saoirse, be good for Grá and Bozo," Caoimhe calls, finally stepping toward the door.
"I will!" Saoirse chirps, already distracted by the movie selection. "Bye, Caoimhe! Bye, Ciarán!"
As we step outside, I can feel Caoimhe's hesitation. It's the first time she's been away from Saoirse since we rescued them three weeks ago. The first time she's done anything just for herself.
"We can stay if you want," I offer, though I'm hoping she'll say no. We both need this—time away from the memories; a chance to be together without the weight of everything pressing down on us.
She shakes her head, squaring her shoulders. "No. I want to do this. I need to do this."
I smile, taking her hand and leading her to my car. "That's my girl."
The restaurant I've chosen is small, tucked away on a quiet street in Dublin. It's not fancy or pretentious, but it's warm and intimate, with soft lighting and private booths. The kind of place where we can talk without worrying about being overheard.
As we're seated, I watch Caoimhe take in her surroundings, noting how her eyes still automatically scan for exits, how she positions herself with her back to the wall. Old habits, survival instincts. They might never fully disappear.
"You look beautiful," I tell her once we've ordered drinks. "I don't think I've told you that yet."
A flush of color rises in her cheeks. "Thank you. I wasn't sure... It's been a long time since I dressed up for anything."
"Well, you nailed it," I say with a grin, relieved when she smiles back.
