Page 103 of The Grump I Loathe
The one who’d proudly walk around holding her hand.
Most of all, she wanted the guy who’d choose standing by her side over keeping a secret. Because being there for my family, protecting them, never should have come at the expense of Eddie. It should haveincludedher.
And my greatest mistake was taking this long to figure that out.
“Are you…going to say something?” she asked. “Or did I come all this way for nothing?”
“No,” I hurried to assure her. “I mean, yes. I want to say something. There’s so much I want to say, I just…don’t know where to start.”
“Why don’t you start by telling me why Grace is dressed like a giant turkey?”
I twisted around, spying Grace, her face pressed against the window next to the door. I released a burst of laughter. “She was really excited about you showing up.”
“And were you?” Eddie asked, her dark eyelashes fluttering.
“Of course I was.” I took the laser gun from her, set it down on the roof of the car, and held out my hands, tense from head to toe as I waited for her response. For a beat, she didn’t move. Then she put her hands in mine, though she still held herself like she might snatch them away at any moment.
This was my chance, and I wasn’t going to waste it. “I’m sorry for what happened at the wedding,” I said. “I’m sorry for blaming you for the incident, for ignoring your injury. I was stressed and upset, but that’s no excuse. Most of all, I’m sorry I focused on keeping the relationship a secret at the expense of your safety.”
Eddie nodded once, her lashes fluttering again. “It felt like I didn’t know you at all. Like you weren’tmyConnor. And that terrified me.”
My chest clenched, my hands tightening around hers. I wanted to be her Connor so damn badly. “I’ve thought about that weekend a lot. And you know what I realized? Since I was a kid, I’ve tried to protect people from the rest of the world. First my mom, then Ali, then Grace.”
“You do look after the people you care about,” she agreed.
“I try. But I don’t always succeed. I grew up thinking I knew what was best for everyone. Turns out, I’ve been prioritizing wrong, hurting the people I cared about most.”
I’d been so focused on keeping Mom safe that I’d been blind to how good for her the relationship with X really was. I’d tried to protect Grace from getting hurt by Ali, but bickering with my ex-wife over missed visitation just stirred up more conflict, with poor Grace stuck in the middle.
And as for LockMill—I’d thought I was protecting my employees with that ridiculous no-dating policy, but all I’d done was shoot myself in the foot and let Eddie down. “The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.”
Eddie sniffled, her hands trembling in mine.
“I don’t know if you can ever find it in yourself to forgive me for walking away from you that night, but if you can, just know I’m done with that. I’m not hiding behind my glass walls anymore. No more HR bullshit. No more excuses. I’ve had a wall around my heart for too long. I thought if I kept everyone at a professional distance, it would hurt less if they turned around and left. But losing you hurt more than anything I’ve ever felt before.”
A tear slipped down her cheek. I released her hand to brush it away. “I mean it, Eddie. You waltzed into my life with all your color and your swagger and shook up the bland existence I’d been living.”
Eddie gave a throaty laugh, rolling her eyes.
I caught her face in my hands. “I’m serious. From the day we met, you’ve been spicing things up for me, literally.”
“Oh my God,” Eddie groaned playfully. My heart soared at the sound. “Are you ever going to let that hot sauce incident go?”
“Absolutely not. It’s the most unforgettable entrance anyone’s ever made in my life.”
Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she stared up at me, her lip caught between her teeth, fighting off a grin.
“I’m not ready for my life to be any less spicy,” I said, voice low, words raw. “I’ve lived my entire life in crisis mode, so braced for the next emergency that I never stopped to actually enjoy anything. But I don’t want to be like that anymore.”
“No, you don’t,” she agreed.
“It’s okay for me to get on the dance floor every now and then. And to hang silly pictures on the walls. And to fill the office with M&M’s and a rat with designer attire.” I pulled her closer, my thumbs on her cheekbones. “It’s okay if I’m not always in control—because God knows, I can’t control the way I feel about you. And I wouldn’t want to.”
She reached up, laying her hands over mine. “Whatdoyou want, Connor?”
“You,” I said breathlessly, desperately. “I never realized I could want things for myself, Eddie. And then you came along and showed me it was okay to be silly and have fun. The world won’t come crashing down on my shoulders if I let go a bit.”
Her mouth twisted into a soft smile, her hand reaching even higher to tug on that lock of lavender hair.
