Page 94 of The Grump I Loathe
“But—”
“Now, please,” I said, watching her skulk off inside.
“Second of all,” I continued, rounding on Dad the moment the door closed. “How dare you?”
He jerked back.
“You’re accusing Alannah of bailing on her responsibilities, but you’re not willing to put in the work of even admitting that youwanther, much less fighting for her? No! Just, no!”
Dad’s eyebrows collided in the middle of his forehead. “Eddie, that has nothing to do with you.”
“It has everything to do with me!” I exploded. “Because Iwasher. She’s nine, Dad! She’s a kid. You can’t neglect her ninety percent of the time and expect her to jump to do whatever you want during that ten percent of the time when you’re actually paying attention. You don’t get to drag her through this divorce without ever checking in to make sure she’s okay and still expect her to turn tricks on the balance beam.”
“That’s not what we’re asking her.”
“Gah!” I grabbed my forehead, squeezing as the pressure behind my eyes threatened to burst. “You don’t get it, do you? You’re dumping these expectations on a kid who’s stressed and tired and putting up with your constant bickering with Valentina, and all she gets in return is the constant reminder that you don’t want her!”
“I never said I didn’t want her.”
“Well, you also haven’t made it clear that youdo.” I bit my tongue, hard, the pain bringing with it an onslaught of memories. “You really haven’t changed, have you? Was screwing up one kid not enough?”
“What are you talking about?” Dad asked, his voice strained.
“After you and Mom divorced, all you ever did was tell me I was too much. Too noisy. Too excited about things. You tried to take video games away from me.”
“Because that’s all you wanted to do!” Dad argued.
“Because I loved it. Because it was the thing that kept me grounded when my whole world was changing. Because it was the one thing in the world I was still excited about. And instead of encouraging me, you and Mom made me feel like what I wanted didn’t matter. Now you’re doing the same thing with Alannah, and I’m sick of it!”
He reached for me, but I shrugged him off. I wasn’t done.
“She doesn’t want to pack up her life and move to Florida, away from her friends and her coach and me andyou! She wants you to fight for custody so she doesn’t have to leave.”
“I don’t know if I can guarantee that outcome,” Dad said, looking miserable.
“So that means you don’t even try?” I snapped. “You’re going to screw her up just like you screwed me up. And she’s going to spend the rest of her life stuffing down all the negative emotions, walking around with a fake smile while wondering why she wasn’t worth your time or your effort. But that’s not fair. It’s not fair to her, and it wasn’t fair to me. Just because you’re shitty at holding a family together doesn’t mean it should be up to yourchildrento fill in the gaps.”
I sucked in a breath of air, my entire body trembling as I finally ran out of things to shout.
Dad just blinked for several long seconds. Then— “I’m sorry.”
The apology was so unexpected, I frowned. Dad had never apologized to me for anything. “What?”
He shook his head slowly, his cheek twitching. “I didn’t realize…That’s not what I…” He trailed off. Looked away. Sighed. “That’s not what I wanted for you or Alannah. I never meant to hurt you, Eddie. But I…I didn’t know what to do when my marriage to your mother started crumbling, so I pulled away, figuring that at least that way, I wouldn’t make things worse. I guess I never really realized how much of a burden that put on you.”
I swallowed hard, unexpectedly teary.
“I want Alannah at practice because I want to see her succeed. She has so much potential, but if everything is too overwhelming rightnow, maybe it’s time to back off a bit. And you’re right,” he said to me. “Maybe it’s time I call that lawyer and see what he can do.”
I blinked away the tears in my eyes. “Good. Because I expect to see Alannah more than every other Christmas.”
I left Dad and Alannah to reconnect as I drove home, flushed with victory and pride and something that felt like relief. A giddy laugh erupted from me. It felt like the first real laugh since the breakup, and I was still smiling as I headed upstairs.
Cassie caught me coming down the hall, carrying a large vase filled with peacock feathers. “Stole this from work for our new place. Hey, you look happy. Did you finally get a chance to talk to Connor?”
“I think that’s a lost cause,” I said as my emotional high came crashing down. Instead of trying to stuff my reaction down, I let the sadness overwhelm me.
Cassie shifted her vase into one arm and hugged me with the other. “Come on,” she said. “I’ve got some clear quartz with your name on it.”
