Page 47 of The Grump I Loathe
“I mean, I used to be late to school…a lot. But I didn’t actually get into trouble.” Because thankfully my brothers always found a way to smooth it over. Well,Finnsmoothed it over—that was his gift. Liam’s gift was finding solutions—like arranging for us to get a lift from the Johnsons down the street.
“Problems getting up in the morning?” Eddie joked, nudging my arm. “Too many late-night video game marathons?”
If only. “No, uh, when I was younger, my mom struggled with her mental health. Driving us to school wasn’t always something she could manage, so we had to figure out other ways to get there. My brother, Liam, eventually worked it out with our neighbors—they had kids who went to our school, too. We mowed their lawn, and they handled dropoff and pickup until Liam was old enough to get his license.”
Eddie’s gaze softened, her hand inching toward mine on the table. “That’s a lot of responsibility for a couple of kids.”
“It was,” I said, eyes drifting across the arcade to make sure Grace and Alannah weren’t fighting. Instead, they hovered close, heads bent together. It warmed my chest.
“I spent a lot of time tryingnotto leave my mom alone. I’d race home right after school instead of hanging out with friends. I was always worried about her. My brothers took responsibility for other things. Working their butts off. Smoothing things over. Paying the bills whenMom couldn’t. But a lot of the time, Mom was my responsibility. So, no, to answer your question. There was no time for getting into trouble.”
“Sounds like you had to grow up fast,” Eddie said, her pinky drifting along the back of my hand. “It’s no wonder you don’t know how to have fun.” Her words were soft, not unkind. “Do you regret growing up like that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like, if you could go back, would you do anything differently?”
“Honestly,” I answered without thinking about it for long, “I can’t imagine it any other way.”
“Really?”
I nodded. “I mean, I wish Mom had gotten help earlier—grownup help, with medication and therapy. She really struggled for years, and it didn’t have to be that way. But I don’t regret that the whole experience taught me and my brothers we could count on each other, no matter what. Nothing matters to me more than family. It’s why it’s so baffling to me that Ali would blow off the chance to spend time with Grace. She’s the best thing in my life—nothing and no one is more important to me than her.”
“That’s…actually really beautiful.” She gave a humorless laugh. “I think I would have liked growing up with siblings. I mean, I love Alannah like crazy, but I was fourteen when she was born. When things started really falling apart at home, I had to deal with it on my own. I spent every moment after my parents divorced wishing things could be different.”
I frowned, my gaze drifting in Grace’s direction. “What did you wish for the most?”
She shook her head. “It’s dumb.”
“Tell me.” I squeezed her hand this time.
“Well,” she started. “When I was a kid, I used to imagine that I could split myself into two different people. That I could be a Mom-approved version of Eddie and a Dad-approved version, so I didn’t have to stress about being the wrong person in the wrong place.”
“What do you mean the wrong person?”
Eddie sighed. “After they split, theyreallydidn’t like being reminded of each other. And I couldn’t help being a reminder. Like, at Mom’s, she’d get upset when I listened to classic rock because it was Dad’s favorite. And at Dad’s, he’d frown whenever I was close enough for him to smell my shampoo, since I used the same one as Mom.”
“Ah, I see.” I couldn’t imagine ever asking Grace to change something about herself just because it reminded me of Ali.
“I never felt good enough for either of them,” Eddie said.
“I’m sorry you had to deal with that. It wasn’t fair.”
Eddie pulled back slightly, laughing it off. “Well, joke’s on them, ’cause now I just don’t spend time with either of them, if I can help it. That means I can listen to whatever music I want and use whatever shampoo I please.”
Making light of the moment didn’t work because I could still see the hurt in her eyes. “Sounds like you also had to grow up fast.” I reached for her hand again, pleased when she didn’t pull away. A tingle worked its way up my arm as she threaded our fingers together beneath the table.
“I was lucky. I found video games early on, realized it was a world I loved, and started planning my future around them. I’ve worked my butt off to get this far, and it’s totally worth it to me—even if I’m going to be paying off student loans until I’m ninety.”
“Your parents didn’t even help with tuition?” If her dad could afford to send Alannah to St. Orwell, he should have been able to chip in to send his oldest daughter to college.
She frowned, her chin tilting up challengingly. “I wasn’t going to let them buy their way out of being decent parents. If they didn’t care enough to show up for me, I wasn’t going to let their checkbooks fill the gap. After everything, I just didn’t want to owe them. You know?”
I swallowed hard, swearing to myself I’d never push Grace away the way Eddie’s parents had pushed her away. I’d never put her in a position where she spent her entire life proving she didn’t need me.
Eddie cleared her throat. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to dump my issues all over you.”
“You didn’t,” I insisted, glad to understand her a bit more. It all made sense now: Eddie’s reaction to me trying to give her more money during our contract negotiation, the crappy car she drove. As much as I respected her for going out on her own, the same way Liam and Finn and I once had, the thought of her struggling was surprisingly distressing.
